


Hearts of the Past Part II

by JadeMoon



Series: Hearts of the Past [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Altered Timelines, Angst, Chapter 46 HAS BEEN UPDATED AND SHORTENED, Character Death Fix, Cryofreeze (Marvel), Divergent Timelines, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fixing the past, Fluff, Soulmates, Super Soldier Serum, Time Travel, True Love, Unrequited Love, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 12:25:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 48
Words: 65,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18343661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeMoon/pseuds/JadeMoon
Summary: The law of equivalency states that you must give something of equal or greater value in exchange for what you wish to obtain. The price is never cheap. Your soul. Your heart. Your unborn children. There are few things that trump the law of equivalency, but it can happen. Especially if the Universe is dead set on things being a certain way.Take for example Ciara and Bucky. Soulmates from the very start, but their relationship was plagued to no end due to the meddlesome affairs of outside interference.The Universe, however, does not give up so easily and is determined to set things to right.





	1. That Odd Feeling

Ciara wakes up and looks at the walls of the room she’s in. She’s in her room at her brother’s apartment. The one they share since being **_evicted_** by the adoptive parents. It’s a shithole, but it’s a roof over their heads so she doesn’t complain. Much.

She sits up and rubs her eyes. Something feels... ** _off_**. She feels like something is about to happen or should have already happened and it makes her feel jittery, uneasy, and on high alert. She doesn’t like the feeling in the least.

She rolls off the bed and decides to head to the shower in hopes she can try and calm down a little.

When she’s finished she heads to the kitchen/living room combo area and finds Gabe looking sullen and depressed.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asks as she hunts for the cereal in the tiny cabinet.

“Just lost my job. They called me this morning and told me not to come in.”

“What?!?”

“Yeah. Something about they have footage of me dealing drugs to the cook -“

“Wait a goddamn minute. You don’t even work near the kitchen! You’re in that fucking server room all goddamn day!” Ciara argues.

“I know this. You know this. But guess who wanted a job and they didn’t have room for him on payroll?” Gabe asks. Ciara growls.

“That prick Johnston. Daddy’s little angel,” she replies angrily. “Fucking nepotism bullshit.”

“That’s what I said when Roderick called me this morning. He agreed, but said there wasn’t anything he could do about it because it’s coming from the big boss.”

“They fucking framed you! That’s libel or slander or whichever!” Ciara yells.

“Do you have money for a lawyer, because I sure as fuck don’t,” Gabe sighs. He’s clearly already burned through his rage which is why he’s mostly calm about this now.

Gabe’s phone rings.

“It’s Hattie.”

“Don’t answer. Michael is probably balls deep in her which means she’ll be shouting over his grunts while she tries to talk to you,” Ciara warns. For whatever reason this makes Gabe laugh. He answers despite Ciara’s warning and puts it on speaker.

“Hey! Hey! How are my favorite bro and sis duo doing?” Hattie asks.

“I don’t hear any grunting,” Gabe teases Ciara. She flips him off and pours the cereal into the bowl.

“What?” Hattie asks.

“Never mind. What’s going on?” Gabe asks.

“We’re getting together later. You’re coming along. I heard about the job thing.”

“How?” Gabe asks. Now Ciara can hear the irritation in his voice.

“Junior has it posted all over his newsfeeds on everything. Twatter, Fartbook, Slutogram, you name it,” Hattie says. Her naming conventions for the major social media apps is nothing short of amusing.

“Twatter,” Ciara snickers. “Screenshot that shit for us, Hattie. We’re going to see if we can find a lawyer -“

“We **_can’t_** afford a lawyer,” Gabe interjects heavily.

“They have those ones that do the free consultations and they take the case and you only pay if you win,” Hattie offers.

“See?” Ciara says through a mouthful of cereal.

“Chew your food,” Gabe chides her. “Hattie, don’t encourage her.”

“She’s not.”

“I’m not. I’m trying to encourage you so that little shit doesn’t get away with this trash,” Hattie states.

“I’ll think about it,” Gabe sighs tiredly. “What time are you looking at getting together?”

“Same bat time, same bat channel. And I’ll be sure to print off all the shit Junior is stupid enough to post before he’s forced to take it down,” Hattie promises.


	2. Deja Vu

Ciara has been stupidly ill at ease all day. It’s to the point now her stomach is in knots. She’s been suffering deja vu like crazy. She and Gabe have been scared to leave each other’s sight for some stupid reason. 

“I don’t know about going to see Hattie and Michael tonight,” Gabe mutters. Ciara sits cross-legged in the beat up recliner trying to focus on the tv and unable to do so.

“I was thinking that, too.”

“Today has been really fucking weird,” Gabe says looking at her. Ciara nods her head.

“Deju Vu much?” She asks.

“Every fucking thing we do, yes,” he agrees. They sit quietly again. 

The phone rings.

“Oh, good. Now it’s Michael,” Ciara mumbles. She answers and puts it on speaker for Gabe to hear. 

“Come over,” he says before Ciara can say hello. “We’re going to cheer the two grumpiest motherfuckers we know up.”

“Who’s grumpy?” Ciara demands. 

“You for one,” Michael answers and laughs. “Get your asses over here. No point in stewing on this bullshit. Besides, Hattie has the printouts and screenshots. And you were right, he deleted everything off of his social media just a few minutes ago.”

“Fucking shitbag,” Gabe grumbles. 

“Come over,” Michael pesters. 

“Ugh,” Ciara groans.

“Just shut up and come over,” Michael persists. 

“Jesus Christ. Fine. We’ll be there in a little bit,” Gabe agrees. The line disconnects and Gabe and Ciara look at each other.

“This is a mistake,” Ciara tells him. 

“Yeah, but if we don’t go they’ll keep calling till we do. May as well humor them. What’s the worst that could happen?”


	3. The Winter Soldier

He was given his orders. Strict orders. He never disobeys. He can’t. He doesn’t know how to. And yet...something is missing about this. Something is…. _ off _ . There’s someone else he’s supposed to see. Not just the scientists. Not just the poorly trained soldiers, but someone else. Someone who doesn’t belong, but he can’t figure out who and that scares him because he CANNOT fail his mission and she is part of his mission. 

He stops mid-murder-stride. 

_ She. _

How does he know it’s a female that is missing? What gave him that idea? Why is he so certain that he’s missing her? 

And he is missing her. There’s a strong tug at his heartstrings, something he’s not felt in as long as he can remember. What the fuck is happening here? 

His head is starting to get muddled when he hears the order for him to return. Now. They know he failed. They know he failed and now he’ll be wiped and frozen again and he hates that. He hates how it hurts and how it feels but he can’t defy them. He has to go back. Because he failed. 

He was right. They force him into the chair and give him the mouthpiece to bite down on. They attach the electrodes and right as the current hits him he sees a flicker of an image of a face. It’s her. It’s the girl he’s supposed to remember, but can’t. Then she’s gone as the electrical currents course through his brain and he screams in pain. 


	4. Fixed Points In Time

Ciara sits at the long table watching the scientists argue over the equations. She knows the equation, she knows what’s missing, but she doesn’t know how or why she knows. She also knows to keep her fool mouth shut. 

She looks around for the hundredth time. Something or someone is coming. She can feel it. It’s the same stupid uneasy feeling she had the night she and Gabe let Hattie and Michael convince them to come look at this fucking warehouse. Everything had gone to hell in a handbasket in short order and Ciara is still kicking herself for letting Hattie and Michael convince them to go. Now Hattie and Michael are dead, Gabe is god knows where (she doesn’t believe Cordova) (she also doesn’t know how she knows his name) about Gabe’s whereabouts, and she’s trapped in an endless downward spiral of deja vu and nightmares. She knows someone is coming. What’s worse is she knows who it is, but she can’t quite remember. It’s right there, just out of reach of her full memory. 

The hair on the back of her neck stands up a second before all the alarms sound. She panics and bolts from the room leaving everyone behind. She runs through corridors she’s never been down but somehow recognizes, she makes turns she shouldn’t know about and yet she does. That’s when she hears the footfalls. Stomping hard as they chase her down. She knows who she’ll see if she looks over her shoulder and it terrifies her and she should want to run faster but she can’t because she  _ knows _ who it is. 

She looks over her shoulder already knowing this is going to make her bounce off of the wall up ahead and that he’s going to catch her. She sees who it is, bounces off the wall so hard she almost falls and he catches her, just like she knew he would. He has her by the throat and for a moment she can’t breathe, but then his grip relaxes and the determined look to kill her dissolves into one of recognition and then one of heartbreak. Tears well up in his blue eyes as his hand drops from her throat. 

“Run,” he whispers hoarsely. 

Ciara can’t move because she knows him and her heart tears at itself inside her chest. Tears spill from his eyes as he steps back from her. Ciara moves on impulse and the ruling chaos her heart is causing. She rushes at this man she should be running from and kisses him fiercely, passionately. She's not surprised when he kisses her back or at how  _ right _ it feels. When she lets him go they both look at each other in shock for a brief moment. 

_ “Run!”  _ he growls and pushes her down the hall. 


	5. What Nightmares Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {the italics are the dream}

Ciara’s nightmares become more and more vivid after her run-in with the Winter Soldier. She can barely sleep now. Horrific images of mutant babies, unspeakable pain, seeing the man she  _ knows in her very soul she loves _ not recognize her, and the coupe de gras - watching as a twisted version of herself shoots her in the back while she is in Sergeant James Barnes embrace. 

The laptop she’d stolen had served no purpose other than to show her things she somehow already knew. Well, maybe not know for certain, but certainly felt. The files she pulled up on the Winter Soldier only served to enhance the feeling that she knows this man and she loves him with every fiber of her being. She knows it ties back to what the lab rats are working on, but again, she doesn’t know how she knows this. It’s a gut feeling. 

Since his attack, she’s been under almost constant surveillance. She’d barely gotten away with sneaking the laptop out, and she’d been caught putting it back. But the guy who caught her doesn’t concern her. She’s not in the least bit worried about him.  He warns her to be more careful and leaves it at that. 

Ciara sits in her tiny little cell of a room and tries to piece together what the fuck is happening. The nightmares, the deja vu, the Winter Soldier and the fact that he had recognized her, the fact that they’d kissed...her ability to sense something is going to happen before it does…

She puts her head down on the pillow and closes her eyes. She desperately needs sleep, she’s so tired. 

_ She’s on the Pavillion. She knows this place, it’s from some distant dream she’s had and it makes her smile. Everything is slow and the colors are muted and that’s okay because it’s relaxing. There’s a slow song playing from the band. That’s when she sees him: Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. He’s looking right at her and smiling. He beckons her to come over and she willingly obeys.  _

_ “Hey, beautiful. Been a long time,” he says smoothly. He grins and she swoons.  _

_ “Has it?” she asks innocently.  _

_ “Yeah,” he says raising his eyebrows at her question. “Too long. But we’ll see each other again real soon, doll.” _

_ “I see you right now, Bucky.” _

_ He laughs, tilting his head back so the sound carries like a melody on the breeze. He looks at her and smiles, his blue eyes full of love and adoration for her. It makes her feel lightheaded. He lifts her chin and rests his head on hers.  _

_ “You have to bring me back with you.” _

_ She leans back from him, confused as to what he means. She’s not leaving him. Not this time.  _

_ “I’m staying -” _

_ He smiles knowingly and shakes his head no. She immediately pouts, unable to help herself. He runs his thumb over her lower lip and bites his own. He kisses her and she melts like ice on a hot summer day.  _

_ Incessant beeping coming from her jacket pocket  breaks the most perfect kiss. Bucky is looking beyond her now, his blue eyes trained on something ahead of them.  _

_ “Bring me back with you,” he says focusing on her again. His words are spoken quickly now and firmly. The dream has taken on a nightmarish aura. Things are twisting out of shape around them. The band sounds like screaming alley cats now.  _

_ “Bucky -” _

_ “Bring me back with you,” he says again with even more urgency. That’s when she feels the searing pain hit her in the chest. Like an explosion of molten lava. He still has her in his arms, tears in his eyes.  _

_ “Wake up and remember. You have to bring me back with you. Remember. Remember. Remember….remember….” _

Ciara sits bolt upright in the bed, her chest burning hot like she’s been branded with a hot iron, her breath catching in her lungs like she can’t breathe. 

She rips open the nightshirt she has on and inspects her chest. There’s an ugly red welt just to the right of where her heart is. It’s hot and it hurts. She coughs a few times trying to clear her lungs so she can breathe. 

_ “Remember.” _

She looks around for the voice even though she knows it’s playback from the latest nightmare. 

“Bring him back with me,” she mutters as she touches the welt and hisses. “Bring him back with me.”

 


	6. Disobeying Orders

General Suzette Gwinner watches as the handlers bring their Winter Soldier into the conditioning room. He failed to achieve his goal and bring them the device Cordova’s rats are working on. She could just as easily order Cordova to hand it over, but no one is supposed to know about it except Cordova, Van Doren, the scientists and whoever this  _ rogue female  _ is. It’s the female that troubles Gwinner. Somehow she’s managed to survive not one, but  _ two  _ encounters with their Soldier. He’s come back confused and defiant both times. She is determined to break him of this defiance.

“Put him in the chair,” she orders. His chiseled features are a mask of stone. The bruising and gashes from his beatings having already healed most of the way.  She smiles, she knows just how to get through that stone mask. All she needs to do is mention the female and he’ll crack like an eggshell. 

The handlers push him back into the conditioning chair so hard his shoulders bounce off the back. They’re quick to secure him in the chair. Gwinner tilts her head to the side. 

“You failed.”

“Nyet,” he responds. 

She grabs him by his lank hair and yanks his head so it’s close to her face. She glares at him. 

“You. Failed.”

She sees his lip begin to curl, but he seems to think better of it and keeps the stone mask. 

“Who is she?” Gwinner asks letting his hair go and walking over to the table she had them bring in for her. 

There is no response. 

“I’ll ask you again. Who is she?” Gwinner says holding up a photo of the female. This time the Soldier’s lips twitch and his normally cold blue eyes fill with fear and pain. 

“Someone from your past? Hmmm….she nags me,  _ soldat _ . She nags because you refuse to complete your mission. Do you think she cares about a worthless piece of trash like you? Do you honestly believe a girl like this would ever love a monstrosity like you? Why save her?” Gwinner antagonizes. There is more pain in his eyes now. Fresh waves caused by Gwinner’s words and that pleases her. His brow is furrowed like he’s trying to think. That amuses her. 

“Don’t hurt yourself,” she remarks snidely to him. She picks up another photo of this girl and pretends to look it over. She shows it to him and smiles. More pain. 

“Who is she?”

_ “Я не знаю - Ya ne znayu.” _

“In English!” she snaps and backhands him hard enough to split his lip open. 

“I don’t know,” he says slowly. 

She backhands him again. The resounding crack of her hand on his face echoes in the room. 

“Who is she?” she asks again. She takes a towel and wipes his blood and spit from her hand. 

“I don’t know,” he repeats in the same slow fashion. Gwinner nods her head towards him and four of her biggest soldiers step forward. She hears knuckles crack as they prepare themselves. She hears The Winter Soldier pull against his restraints in a futile attempt to get up. 

“Hit him,” she orders without turning around. She can hear their fists connecting with the Soldier’s jaw repeatedly. 

“Stop,” she orders. They stop. She turns around and sees the stone mask is now gone and in its place is confusion and seething hatred. 

“Who is she?”

“I don’t know,” he growls. She points to him and her men begin pummeling him again. She turns around and looks at the photos on the table. She has one she’s saved for last. Her pride and joy. 

“Stop.”

She turns around and sees he’s barely conscious now. Blood and spit are running in a steady stream from his mouth. His left eye is already swollen shut and the right eye won’t be far behind. No matter. He only needs to see this last photo. If wiping him doesn’t erase her memory any other time, it surely won’t this time either. 

“Who is she?”

“I….I….d-don’t….don’t know.”

She laughs lightly. Oh the joy this next photo will bring her when he sees it. She pulls it from the table and shows it to him. A photo of the SHIELD agent Hawkeye with his hands on the female’s hips, his nose behind her ear like he’s breathing in her scent, eyes half closed. He’s right up against her, though you can’t see what she’s aiming at, he’s clearly teaching her archery and perhaps a few other things from the look on Hawkeye’s face. 

But the look on The Winter Soldier’s face is far more priceless. The shock gives way to anguish and an animalistic howl escapes him, startling Gwinner’s men to the point that they draw their weapons and take aim at him. She motions for them to lower their weapons. The anguish is now dissolving into one of anger, jealousy, and what she’d hoped she would see - that seething hatred directed towards the female. 

“Since you don’t know who she is and she clearly has no interest in you, this time it shouldn’t be a problem for you to beat her into submission and bring her to me,” Gwinner says sweetly. She studies him. He’s a beaten and bloody animal right now. 

“Wipe him,” she orders. 

 


	7. The Puzzle Piece

Ciara sees the man she’s dubbed Archer disappear onto the catwalk above the tables. He’s as antsy and nervous as she is tonight. He can sense something is coming, too. The only difference is that Ciara is almost positive she knows what’s coming, and it’s not a what it’s a  _ who.  _  He’s coming. The Winter Soldier. 

_ “Bring me back with you.” _

She has no fucking idea what the fuck Bucky was talking about, what he was trying to say or why he was being so fucking cryptic. She’s pissed off to no end about that. She hates dreams that are riddles. Just put up a goddamn billboard for her awake brain that says DO THIS. 

She looks at the table and realizes she’s been putting their little toy together while she was dwelling on her dream and its meaning. She pinches her lips and sighs. She’s about to get yelled at…

“What are you doing? Who told you to touch any of that?” the lead lab rat snarls at her. She looks at the older man with the beady black eyes and stares him back to his place with the others, never saying a word.

“I had hoped that training you to defend yourself and the intellectual asshole conglomeration would keep Cordova at bay.”

Ciara jumps at the sound of Archer’s voice and clamps her hand over her mouth to keep from shrieking. He places his hand on her shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. 

“He doesn’t seem impressed. And neither are they,” she says quietly. 

“No. Cordova’s….,” he trails off, refusing to finish that thought. “I’ll think of something,” he promises. 

“I’m not your responsibility, Archer.”

He was about to walk away when she says that. He stops and looks at her, and she sees he’s hurt by her words. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m like the rest of these assholes and that I don’t care.”

She tries to apologize, but he’s stalking off to his nest before she can say anything else. He shouldn’t care, she thinks. He’s involved elsewhere. Once again she doesn’t know how she knows this only that she does. 

She listens to the lab rats continue to bicker over something they should know. She knows what’s missing. She knows it like she knows the back of her hand. She’s holding onto that information as her bargaining chip with Cordova. 

“You’ve become quite ferocious. Not something I approve of,” Cordova whispers to her. She jumps and he smiles ruefully. He’s the only one she’s afraid of in here. Everyone else can take a flying fucking leap. 

“I’m no threat to your pets,” she says calmly. He picks up the pieces she’s put together and studies it intently. 

“Impressive. Any thoughts on how it works or what it is?” he muses. She shakes her head no.

“Do not lie to me,” he growls. She flinches and pulls away from him. Her instinct is to run, but if she does that he’ll kill her. Or worse….

“What would I know about this?” she asks trying to keep her voice from shaking. “This is well beyond anything I’ve seen.”

He smiles and puts the completed device down. 

“You’re usefulness to me is at an end. Find a way to stay in my good graces or I’ll find another more  _ suitable  _ use for you,” he says with a wicked grin. She shudders and the heinous grin broadens. 

“What do you…”

“I warned you when I spared your life that so long as I had a use for you I would allow you to move about freely and assist...them,” he says looking at the lab rats with disdain. “None of you have met my expectations and this I will not abide by, especially with you.”

This has the desired effect of scaring the shit out of her. 

“I know how to make your pet project work,” she blurts out before fully thinking it through. Cordova’s eyes widen and the lab rats all freeze. 

“That’s impossible! You’re not smart enough -” the lead scientist tries to berate her. He’s shut down with a look from Cordova. 

“Is this a ploy to buy you time?” Cordova asks. Ciara can tell he’s hoping she’s bluffing because he seems intent on making her suffer unspeakable things. Satan himself would be scared of this man. 

“No.”

“Do tell, but be advised, if this is a ploy your time is up and nothing your precious Soldier or your lovesick Archer can do will save you,” he purrs menacingly. Ciara feels like she’s going to be violently ill suddenly. Cordova won’t wait for her to finish being sick, though. She forces herself to keep it together, grabs a pencil and scribbles the formula she somehow knows onto the table top. The lab rats look on in awe. Cordova has his head tilted just so as he watches her finish writing it out. 

She prays to any deity that’s listening that this is right and that she doesn’t end up in her goddamn nightmares after all. 

Cordova looks at the lab rats impatiently. 

“Well?” he demands. 

“That’s not….that won’t….it won’t work,” the lead rat stammers. His subordinates seem to think differently. 

“Yes. Yes, it will!” one of them yelps. “It will work! Look! This is...how did you do this?” they ask. 

“I’m interested in that myself,” Cordova says quietly. “For now put it to use. If it doesn’t work consider that your last will and testament on the table.”

“And if it works?” she hears herself ask. His eyes flash. 

“Consider yourself safe. For now,” he says coldly. He makes a motion with his hand and two guards come forward. 

“Until they can prove this works, you’re sequestered to your room. Don’t do anything foolish till I send for you. Take her,” he orders. She’s forcibly lifted from her seat and dragged from the room. 

They don’t let her go till she’s in her room. She hears the door lock from the outside. There’s no hope of escaping now. 

She sits on the bed and for the first time, she starts to pray for death. 

  
  
  



	8. History and Their Story

Time ticks away slowly. Ciara doesn’t know if she’s been locked in her room for an hour or for five. There is no clock in her room and no windows for her to gauge the time by. She’s about to crawl out of her skin because she’s so anxious and wound up. It’s not just Cordova’s promises of putting her to other uses. She knows he’s coming back again. She can feel it in the depths of her soul. The Winter Soldier. James Buchanan Barnes. He’s coming. 

_ “Bring me back with you.” _

It doesn’t make any sense. Either he’s going to kill her or Cordova is because she’s pretty sure she can’t take this level of stress much longer. 

And to add insult to injury here the alarms start blaring. 

“Here we go,” she whimpers. “Let me out!” she yells at her guards as she bangs on the door. They don’t answer. Either they’re dead or they left. 

She immediately stops banging on the door. Maybe she’s safe in here. Yeah, maybe pigs fly. No, she needs to get out of here. She starts banging on the door again. 

“Kitty! Hang on!”

She recognizes Archer’s voice immediately. The door opens and he pulls her from the room. He’s unnerved, which is highly unusual for him. This scares her. 

“Run. Don’t look back. Find a way out and run,” he says cupping her face. He kisses her lips. “Do not go into the research room!” he orders and then he runs off toward the sound of gunshots. 

Ciara blinks a moment and absently touches her lips. What the mother fuck is happening? 

More gunshots, closer this time. She bolts in the opposite direction, running blindly down the corridors. That’s when she sees him. The Winter Soldier. He steps into the hallway about a hundred feet in front of her. He sees her and his left hand closes into a tight fist. His blue eyes flash with anger and betrayal. Ciara knows instantly that he’s out to kill her this time. She slides to a stop and turns around and runs the other way. She hears his heavy footfalls closing in on her. 

She’s headed for the one place Archer told her  _ not _ to go. 

She barrels through the doors and trips, landing hard on her side. She’d tripped over the lead rat’s body. She starts to crabwalk backward as The Winter Soldier storms into the room. His eyes are dead set on her. He rushes towards her and Ciara barely manages to get off the floor and slip from his grasp. He lunges for her again just as she grabs the now glowing device she’d put together not that long ago. 

“No you don’t,” he snarls at her as he grabs her by her hair and yanks her back to hard he tears hair from her head. She slaps the device on her wrist and an eerily familiar thrum courses through her body. He grabs her by the throat and squeezes, cutting off her air supply. This time he won’t let go. The recognition in his eyes is gone, replaced by a deep-seated loathing. 

_ “Bring me back with you.” _

“Bucky,” she gasps. She’s on the verge of blacking out. His grip relaxes enough that she can get air. In that second she hits the marker on the device on her wrist and grabs his right arm as tight as possible. His grip around her throat tightens again just as a blinding flash goes off all around them. 

They crash land hard on an unforgiving ground. He reflexively lets go of her throat and she takes that opportunity to run from him. 

She bolts through the crowd trying to keep her distance from the man she loves who wants to strangle her. She feels like she’s living out her nightmares now. She chances a look over her shoulder to see how close he is and she plows into….

“ Hey, easy, doll. Easy. Where’s the fire?” 

She blinks, startled at who she’s seeing. The device worked. She’s in the past and in the arms of her soldier, her heart’s one true desire, her soulmate Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. 

He smiles and her heart practically leaps from her chest. He puts his arm around her and takes her hand. She forgets for a second that she’s being hunted by a future version of him. His blue eyes sparkle and dance and she’s mesmerized, unable to move or think or speak. 

Her bliss is short-lived as screams fill the air. Bucky’s face is no longer flirtatious or amused. He looks scared and worried. She looks over her shoulder and sees something that chills her to the core. 

She sees herself with a gun aimed for her heart. 

“I’m sorry,” this alternate version of herself cries as she pulls the trigger. Everything slows down to a crawl. Bucky is trying to turn her so she’s not in the line of fire, but putting himself there instead. She tries to stop him, needs to stop him because he can’t die. HE CANNOT DIE! 

Time then flies into fast forward and she sees The Winter Soldier running at them. He steps in front of Bucky and Ciara, putting his left hand out and stopping the bullet that was meant for her. The alternate Ciara is shocked and The Winter Soldier grabs her and disarms her. She lets him, she’s so in awe of what she’s seeing, just like everyone else. The Winter Soldier has the alternate Ciara’s arm that bears a similar device to the one Ciara currently wears. He looks back at Ciara and Bucky, his eyes are clear now, the hate and loathing are gone. 

“Don’t let us go,” he says and offers her a pained smile. He pulls alternate Ciara into his arms, hits the button on her wrist and they vanish in a flash of light. 

People are applauding and whistling. Some people are shouting for an encore. They think this is part of the show. 

“You part of this show, doll?” Bucky asks as the flirtatious grin returning in all its glory. 

“Sure, let’s go with that,” she says and smiles. His eyes shine. 

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes at your service, doll,” he says kissing her hand, “but you can call me Bucky.”

Ciara looks back at where the other versions of she and Bucky had been only a few moments ago. 

“You okay, doll?” he asks gently. He takes her chin between his thumb and index finger and pulls her attention back to him. 

“Yeah. Yes, I mean. Yes. I’m alright. Thank you, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Bucky,” he corrects her. “What’s your name?” he asks. He has yet to let her out of his embrace or to let go of her hand. 

“Ciara.”

His smile grows and everything that has happened up to this point is forgotten suddenly. She can’t help but smile in return and she can feel herself blush. 

“Not too often pretty dames have even prettier names,” he says and grins. 

“Those are some good lines you’ve got,” she teases. He laughs.

“Yeah? Are they working?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hmm. How about we walk around this thing together and you tell me when they start working?” he offers. She laughs lightly and he looks pleased. 

“Sure. This should be interesting.”

They walk around together, Ciara ignoring the deja vu feeling and focusing solely on the man whose smile can open the Pearly Gates. 

After a few hours, they end up on a nearly empty stretch of the Pavilion. The sun is starting to set. Ciara can’t remember the last time she saw a sunset this beautiful. Bucky caresses her cheek and smiles warmly. Not his flirtatious smile, this one has been evolving since they started walking together. 

“You know you’re beautiful,” he says tilting his head just a tiny bit. She smiles and blushes again. 

“I still think you’re throwing lines,” she teases. He chuckles and then lifts her chin and presses his lips to hers. He does it again, this time with more passion. She responds willingly, reveling in how good and right this feels. 

“Bucky,” she whispers when the kiss ends. He looks around and she sees the changing stations at the same time he sees them. She knows what he’s thinking because she’s thinking the same thing. 

“Changing stations?” he asks. He doesn’t say anything else, he doesn’t need to. She nods her head in agreement. He puts his arm around her waist and they walk over to an empty one and step inside. He locks the door behind him. Ciara bites her lip as she looks over her handsome Sergeant in his uniform. He takes her hands and kisses her fingers, looking for any indication she’s unwilling to go any further. She presses her lips to his, offering him the assurance he needs that she wants this as badly as he does. 

He slides his hands down her back, over her hips, down her thighs and then up under her dress. He moans into their kiss. 

“You’ll ruin that gorgeous uniform if you’re not careful,” she warns.

“Then let’s make sure that doesn’t happen,” he says taking off the jacket. She turns from him for a quick moment to take off the device and cram it into her jacket pocket. She turns back to see his eyes full of questions. Ciara puts her hands on his chest and runs them down till she gets to his belt. His smile comes back instantly. She undoes his belt then pulls her jacket off. Bucky looks her over, a pleased grin on his face. He pulls her closer and pulls the zipper down on the back of her dress. She steps out of it, then out of her boots. He’s about to burst out of his pants. She helps him release from the constraints of the rest of his uniform. He scoops her up and carries her over to the chaise lounge where he lays her down gently. He keeps his mouth working on her lips and neck as she slides her panties off. 

“Ciara…” he says in a soft whisper. He’s hesitating, waiting for her to tell him it’s alright. If nothing else, James Barnes is the epitome of a gentleman. 

She responds by pushing herself up and rearranging their positions so he’s sitting on the chaise with her in his lap. She helps him find his way into her and Bucky shows her how good a man should be with his girl.

They finish and lay in each other's arms, content for the moment. She has her head on his chest, her fingers running lightly over his arm, listening to the sound of his heart. He kisses her temple and she leans her head back to look in his eyes. She’s spellbound by the love she sees in his eyes. 

“I love you,” he says quietly. “I mean that, Ciara. I want us to get married when I get back.”

She’s not surprised by this even though she knows she should be. She only knows that this is right. This is where her heart resides - with this man. Her past, present, and future are with this man. 

“Is this another line?” she asks with a playful smile. She can see he’s not playing games. 

“I'm being serious, Ciara. Marry me. We'll get married as soon as I can take leave,” he says adamantly. He rolls himself so that he's partially on top of her and caresses her face. “I love you. I want to marry you. I want to come home to you and only you.”

Hearing him say that, hearing him say those words flood her with emotion. It’s as if she’s been waiting to hear this. All the deja vu shit has led up to this. 

“Bucky…” she wants to tell him how much she loves him, but she can’t find the words right now. 

“Say yes,” he whispers as he runs his fingers through her hair. “Say yes and I promise you I'll love you for eternity. I know how I feel. I know every second I’ve spent with you has filled a hole in my heart I didn’t know I had. I know when I look at you I see our future together. I know I have never felt like this for anyone ever. I know I love you.”

He sits up and undoes the chain that his dog tags are attached to and pulls one off.

“Hold onto this,” he says handing her one of the tags. “When I get back you and I will exchange that for a ring.”

She runs her thumb over the letters on the tag, her stormy eyes are darker now as she looks at his dog tag. He runs his thumb over her lower lip and she looks up at him.

“No lines, beautiful. I want you to marry me.”

“Yes,” she says before he can say anything else. He doesn’t need to convince her. She would follow him through Hell if he asked her to. 

She puts her hand on his face and he closes his eyes as he leans into her touch. 

“I love you, James Barnes,” she says softly. He opens his eyes and smiles radiantly. 

He kisses her, she runs her fingers through his hair pulling him closer to her again. Ciara opens herself to him and he willingly obliges her, sinking himself into her sweetness one more time. 

They finish up just as someone starts knocking on the door.

“Shit,” Bucky hisses. “Get your clothes, doll,” he whispers to her. He sees her getting dressed quickly, and Ciara sees the pangs of disappointment hitting him as she covers her body with her clothes. She’s just as disappointed as he gets dressed. They’re all but finished when the knocking comes again.

“Who’s in there?”

“Never mind!” Bucky yells. Ciara is fixing his tie. He gives her his best smile and puts his arms around her as she finishes up.

“I mean it, beautiful, you hold that dog tag till I get back and we’ll go get you the prettiest goddamn ring ever,” Bucky promises.

She looks down from him and he lifts her chin. He tilts his head and grins playfully. She smiles, she’s never been so happy.

“You really want to marry some random chick you just met?” She asks.

“Not into chicks or chickens like that, so no,” he responds with a smirk. “But a beautiful dame like you with eyes like stars, you’re damn right I want to marry you.”

She puckers her lips and nods her head trying not to laugh at his antics.

The knocking starts again. Bucky glares at the door.

“We need to go before they kick the door in,” she tells him. He kisses her and smiles. She laughs a little, her eyes sparkle and she smiles back.

Bucky throws open the door and stares down the guy who was so adamant about coming in.

“Sorry, mister. Didn’t realize you were in there,” the guy says quickly.

“I told you I was in there. How about you step back so I can leave,” Bucky says curtly. The guy immediately backs off. Bucky turns around and extends his hand to Ciara and gives her a big smile. She takes his hand and he pulls her out of the dressing room and into his arms.

“I leave in a few days. I don’t know when I’ll be granted leave, but I will come back for you, Ciara. I am going to marry you. Will you wait for me, beautiful?” he asks. He caresses her cheek and looks deep into her eyes.

“I will,” she says softly.

“Come back here and wait for me. Once a month, on the fifteenth of every month. I’ll find you here. When I’m granted leave this will be the first place I run to when I get back and I’ll look for you, beautiful. And when I get back, make sure you have a dress picked out and we’ll make it official before I have to ship out again.”

“Your pick up lines are getting better.”

This makes him smile and chuckle. She loves the sound so much.

“Yeah?”

“They finally worked,” she says with a small laugh. He kisses her lovingly.

“Come on, I want you to meet a really good friend of mine. Provide we can find the punk,” he tells her. She knows who they’re looking for and she knows her few hours in Heaven are coming to an end.

“Alright.”

They walk, arm in arm, back toward the bustling Pavillion. Bucky keeps his eye out for Steve. Ciara is distracted occasionally by the device. It started to flash a little bit ago. Time is against them now. Goddammit. 

“Buck!”

Bucky and Ciara stop and look in the direction of Steve’s voice. Ciara sees Steve trying to get around the throngs of people.

“Where the hell have you been?” Bucky demands. Steve gives him that “don’t treat me like a baby” look.  Steve sees Ciara and his eyes widen. Bucky grins. Ciara smile warmly at Steve and Steve turns red.

“I’ve been at the recruitment office,” Steve says absently. “Hi, I’m Steve,” he says extending his hand to her.

“Hi, Steve.”

“This is Ciara or the soon to be Mrs. Barnes,” Bucky says proudly. Ciara smiles more and shakes her head.

“Are you serious?” Steve squeaks. Bucky nods and kisses Ciara’s cheek.

“Yeah. And why do you keep going to the recruitment centers -”

“Because I want to do my part,” Steve says cutting him off.

“Look, we’ve been through this, Steve. Do your part here at home. Stay safe. Protect Ciara for me.”

This earns him a look from both Steve and Ciara.

“Bucky,” Ciara says putting her hands on his chest. She presses her lips where his jaw hinges and she hears him moan softly. “Don’t fight with him.”

“Listen to her. She’s obviously smarter than you are,” Steve quips.

“Oh, you’re a wiseass now, huh?” Bucky asks Steve. Steve shrugs. Ciara tries to hide the smirk on her face. The smirk fades when she hears something beeping. It’s coming from her jacket pocket. She steps back from Bucky, but he only lets her go so far.

“Ciara?” Bucky tries to see what's in her pocket that she's now looking at.

“I have to go, Bucky. I love you. Don't ever forget that,” she says as she gazes into his eyes. “I love you more than you will ever know.” Her heart is breaking and there is no pain that compares to it. 

“I love you, doll. I'll find you. I'll come back for you. I promise.”

She smiles faintly and looks at Steve.

“Don't give up,” she tells him as she runs her fingers over Steve's jaw. Steve blushes furiously. She turns her attention back to Bucky. He's suddenly afraid to let her go.

“Wait for me. I will come back for you. I promise,” he says determinedly. She sees a flood of emotions in his eyes.

“I have to go,” she says once more, and then adds, “don't go on the train, Bucky.”

She kisses Bucky once more and then dashes off. She’s got just enough time to get out of his line of sight before the timer is up and she vanishes in a flash of light. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. The Soldier and the Assassin

He lands hard on his back and she falls on top of him, knocking the air out of his lungs. He puts his arms around her on instinct. Because he  _ knows _ . He knows her and he knows she knows him. They are two sides of the same coin. She is his other half for better or for worse. 

She catches her breath and struggles to get free. He can feel the raw power in her, very akin to the other soldiers HYDRA had created. The ones that had nearly killed him and the men handling him at the time. They were powerful, but she is so much more. 

“Stop,” he orders her when she continues to struggle. She looks up at him, her storm gray eyes clouded by confusion. 

“What have you done?” she demands. 

“Saved us?” He doesn’t know what he did. He thinks that’s right. It feels right. 

She shakes her head no. Either she doesn’t believe him or she’s confused. He can’t tell. Hell, he’s confused. She stops struggling and he runs his hand over her shaved head. It’s soft, like the fuzz on a peach. It’s still that deep red wine color that he knows. Somehow. 

She studies him for a moment then looks away and rolls off of him. He lets her go and stands up quickly to make sure she doesn’t run off. He grabs her right arm. It’s metal like his left one. Titanium alloy like his. 

He looks into her eyes and cups her face in his hands. 

“Do you know who I am?” she asks. He’s hurt she feels the need to ask, but he’s scared because while he does know her he doesn’t know who she is  **_exactly_ ** . 

“Yes. No. I do...I know who you are and what you mean to me, Kitten.”

Tears well up in her gray eyes. He pulls her into his arms and holds her tightly. This is one of the few times he’s had total clarity about anything. 

She slowly puts her arms around him and again he can feel the power she has. She rests her head on his shoulder. 

“Bucky…”

He feels her letting go and pushing away from him. He knew this wouldn’t last and he was right. She’s looking at her hands and it takes him a moment to accept what he’s seeing. She’s fading. There is a shimmering ripple effect every few seconds and each ripple she fades a little more. 

“What’s happening?” she asks. She looks at him with pleading eyes and he would sell his soul to save her. He can’t, though, and he knows this.

“We altered the timeline.” It’s a simple statement, it’s all he can think of to say. Everything else he needs to say, that he wants to say will have no bearing on either of them now. 

She looks at him and he sees she understands. 

“It’s changing,” she says softly. He caresses her face. The ripples are coming faster now. She’s barely here, he can almost see through her. 

“I love you, Bucky,” she whispers. She takes the device from her wrist, the only solid thing remaining now and puts it on his right arm. “It’s time.”

“We’ll find each other again. I promise you,” he vows. She sets the dial on the device. He doesn’t know when he’s going back to, only that he trusts her implicitly. 

“I love you,” he says as she ripples one last time. He slams his hand on the device marker as hard as he can so he won’t have to watch the woman he loves fade away. 

He’s blinded by the flash of light the device gives off and then he’s free falling at a stomach-dropping rate. He hits the ground so hard he blacks out for a moment. When he comes to he hears gunshots and yelling. 

He’s back at the complex where he started the night, hunting for the scientists and for her. He’s disoriented and his head is swimming so violently he ends up dropping to his knees and vomits. He’s apprehended moments later by a full-on HYDRA recon group. They restrain him, muzzle him and then he’s injected with something and the world swims away in violent images of her face. 


	10. Altered Timeline

Chapter 10: Altered Timeline

Clint paces around the complex looking for Ciara. He has to find her before Cordova and his men do. SHIELD is en route to their location at Clint’s behest, but they won’t be here soon enough and Ciara is in danger. 

Cordova saw her take the device and vanish with The Winter Soldier. 

Nevermind the fact that the maniac had his metal hand wrapped around the poor girl’s throat and she was turning blue because she couldn’t breathe. He wants her back because she used his project, because she’s been a target of the W.S. on at least two different occasions, and because he wants to put the blame on her for the death of his lab rats and the compromising of his security. 

Clint has to find her first. He’s got this insane sense of dread that if Cordova finds her that everything is going to go to shit and he’s not about that life. 

He had notified his superiors at SHIELD the moment he was able to access what Cordova was attempting and just after the attack by the Winter Soldier. The fact that they have video footage of Ciara kissing Hydra’s pet weapon was enough to make Clint more than a little jealous, but to also put her on SHIELDs radar as someone of potential interest. Now Clint’s goal is to get her out of this clusterfuck Cordova has her involved in. She knows too much, but Clint can pull some strings and maybe they can use her as an agent? He’s trained her thus far…

Gunshots ring out and Clint races in that direction. If they’re shooting, that means she’s either running or someone else is on the grounds, too. 

“Oh, shit,” he groans. He hears them scrambling and yelling about the Winter Soldier appearing out of thin air. That’s when Clint sees him. It’s the Soldier, but he’s not in mission mode. He’s trying to escape. What the fuck? There are swarms and swarms of movement all around them now. This isn’t just Cordova’s team….

“HYDRA!” Clint barks. “Fall back!” 

Cordova’s men either don’t hear him or don’t care and continue to engage the HYDRA agents. They came to collect their soldier and that is all they want. Clint isn’t armed with enough arrows to try and save Cordova’s fools. His priority is to find Ciara. If The Winter Soldier is here and HYDRA is trying to apprehend him again, that means she’s on the loose somewhere. He hopes. 

He sees a flash of light, but with all the other commotion going on he can’t tell if that’s HYDRA, Cordova, or if that’s Ciara. He has no choice but to inspect it. 

He runs in the direction of the light and finds Ciara staggering to her feet. He runs over, scoops her up and runs with her to the closest hidden location he can find. She’s disoriented and out of breath. 

“You have to take this and hide it,” she says shoving something in his hand. “He’s coming for me -”

“HYDRA is collecting your admirer,” he interjects more coldly than he’d meant to. She shakes her head no at him like he’s dumb.

“Cordova,” she hisses. 

“You’re under my protection.”

“Please. Don’t let them find it. Don’t let Cordova’s men take him,” she pleads. In that instant, he realizes that Ciara is going to sacrifice herself to protect the man who has been sent to kill her and to hide whatever it is she’s given to Clint. 

“SHIELD is on their way -”

“It’s too late. Please,” she begs. “Don’t let Cordova get him.”

Clint drags his hand down his face. Pick the lesser of two evils here: HYDRA or Cordova. 

“Stay hidden,” he says and goes after The Winter Soldier. He’s got to be discreet about this or it’s his head on the pike. 

HYDRA has the metal-armed soldier in their grasp just as Clint hears some of Cordova’s men scream  _ THERE SHE IS _ !

“Goddammit!” he snarls. Cordova’s troops fall back from HYDRA who couldn’t care less now that they have what they came for, and chase after Ciara. 

“Where are you guys?!” Clint barks at the clear, star-filled sky. He hunts for Ciara but he can’t find her and that means….

He follows the trail of men towards the road where Cordova and Van Doren both stand towering over something. As he comes around he sees it’s Ciara’s limp body at their feet that the two heinous monsters are gloating over. 

“How long will she be out?” Cordova questions. “Ah, Hawkeye. Better late than never,” he purrs when he sees Clint. 

“What have you done?” Clint demands as he kneels down next to Ciara. Her pulse is thready and weak, she’s panting, and unconscious. She’s bruised and bloody from being beaten down. 

“Oh...just a cocktail of my own design. Mostly to subdue her,” Van Doren muses, rocking back and forth on his heels. Clint’s lips curl into a snarl. 

“Now, now, dear Hawkeye, do calm yourself. Should you do anything foolish your crush will come to an unfortunate demise,” Cordova promises. “She may yet anyway, but you can at least prolong her miserable existence by behaving. Load her into the truck,” Cordova orders his men. 

“How touching. You should let Agent Barton come along for the ride,” Van Doren says in an effort to taunt Clint. “If he’s as attached to her as you say, he’ll want to say his goodbyes before we _really_ have some fun with her.”

“Enough, Doctor Van Doren,” Cordova warns. “He stays. I have no more room for risk.”

Clint sees Cordova’s men approaching him from all sides, most of them with their weapons trained on him. He’s outgunned and way too low to the ground to do anything more than take out Cordova, maybe Van Doran before they kill him and then Ciara. He has no choice but to let them take her. He can’t help her if he’s dead. 

“Move,” Cordova orders him. Clint brushes Ciara’s hair from her brow, silently vowing to find her before either he or Van Doran can do anything to her. She may not have feelings for him, but she’s a good girl who got caught up in a web of bullshit. She’s got promise and potential beyond what Cordova has used her for and that’s going to be her saving grace and his for getting her in with SHIELD. Provided SOMEBODY SHOWS THE FUCK UP…

He steps back from her and glares at Cordova while his men gather up Ciara and literally toss her into the back of a military truck. 

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Cordova says smugly as he and Van Doran head to a different vehicle. The convoy departs leaving Clint and the bodies of the slain behind. 

“Agent Barton.”

“It’s about goddamn time!” he yells into his earpiece. 

“ETA three minutes -”

“You better make that a hell of a lot sooner because they just fucking left!” Clint yells. 

“We have eyes on, Agent. They won’t be getting away.”

A SHIELD warbird lands less than three minutes later and Clint hastily climbs aboard. 

“They’ve made it to their destination, but we have eyes on and -”

“And we need to go now! There’s a civilian female that is in danger. She’s a valuable asset we need to ascertain before Fuckhead One and Two do something with her,” Clint orders. 

“On it, Sir,” the pilot advises. The warbird is airborne and cutting through the sky in a matter of moments. Clint sees a small fleet of SHIELD vehicles on the road below them heading in the same direction. There are at least two other warbirds besides the one he’s in that he can account for. Good. Let’s bring a gun to a knife show. 

“Agent Barton? Major Cordoza is  _ demanding _ that you fall back.”

“You tell that asshole Cordova that Agent Barton isn’t in charge and this shit show of his has come to a hasty end,” Nick Fury snaps through all the comms. 

“Yes, Sir!”

Clint smiles as the warbird lands, listening to Fury browbeat Cordova. His joy is short-lived when he hears Cordova order for  _ her _ to be disposed of.

“Get inside! NOW!” Clint orders. He’s off and running with an army of agents backing him up. 

“Find Cordova. Find Van Doran. I’m going after the girl. You four come with me,” Clint orders. They split up and he heads for the central surveillance room. Cordova in all his voyeuristic glory insisted everything had to be recorded and would only go to places with CCTV. 

He finds what he’s looking for, a room with nothing but monitors covering every square inch of the complex, including the bathrooms. The two men and one woman that were in the room immediately put their hands up in surrender when Clint and his team burst through the door. Clint scans all the monitors until he sees her. Ciara is laid out on a metal operating table, fully restrained and naked with Van Doran and two of his lackeys. 

“Where is this?” Clint demands pointing to the screen. 

“Level five...but...you have to have security clearance to get through the doors,” the woman tells him. 

“Which one of you has it?” 

They all shake their heads no. 

“Major Cordova and Doctor Van Doran only -”

“Fuck this. Hold them. I need a way into that goddamn room. I don’t care if you have to use thermite,” Clint snaps at one of the other agents. “Get me in there!”

“Sending in someone to get through the security door now.” 

Clint recognizes the calm, collected voice of Maria Hill. He takes the other agents and they head to level five. 

  
  
  
  



	11. The New Boss Does Not Like Failures

General Suzette Gwinner does not like to be interrupted during her personal time. By anyone. For any reason. She is beyond pissed off that she is being flown to New York under direct orders of someone she’s never met and has only spoken to briefly. And that brief conversation was for this man to remind her that she has failed in using the weapon Hydra has spent years forging. Failure is no longer an option. 

She arrives with no pomp and circumstance as she is accustomed to. When soldiers see a high ranking officer they are to salute them and stand at attention. None of these soldiers seem to recognize her. Or she’s been demoted. That last thought turns her blood to ice. She will slaughter everything on this planet if they take away her power. She will watch the world burn in her fury if they dare to touch what she has so meticulously built. 

She steps inside the building and is greeted by the man who is the head of the World Security Council: Alexander Pierce. 

“Fuck,” she mutters. This will go one of two ways: he’ll either see things her way and allow her to continue her work or he’ll demand full control over the operation and she’ll have to play along till he can be  **_removed_ ** _. _

“General Gwinner. I’d like to say it’s a pleasure but under the circumstances, I won’t. You’ve wasted too much time and money on hunting down this…” he picks up a stack of papers, “...Dark Knight and some girl?” he asks, his tone accusatory. 

“Not just  **_some_ ** girl, Mister Pierce,” she says coldly. “A girl who has somehow gotten through HYDRAs programming and gotten him to -”

“Enough,” Pierce says waving away her explanation arrogantly. Gwinner feels her blood start to boil. “He has more important things to tend to. HYDRA doesn’t have time for petty games anymore. And our boy has a new mission and a new target,” Pierce tells her. He starts to walk away and when Gwinner doesn’t follow like a good lap dog he turns around to look at her questioningly. 

“Well?” he says condescendingly, “come on. I have meetings to attend. I can’t wait around on you all day.”

Gwinner seethes fury at this point. No one has  **_ever_ ** spoken to her like that. 

“With all due respect, Mister Pierce,” she says as cynically as she can, “I highly doubt whatever plans you and the World Council have will trump something as important as the Dark Knight.”

Pierce stops abruptly and turns on her. His eyes flash with anger at being called out by her. His power has gone to his head and having a woman call him on it does not bode well, apparently. She smiles. 

“Do not think for one instant that you or your little side projects have any value to the greater goal at hand here, General Gwinner. Keep in mind who you report to. Who  **_owns_ ** you. You work for me, not the other way around.”

It was a threat and Gwinner took it as such. 

Pierce resumes his stroll to an all too familiar conditioning area that includes a portable cryostorage tank. She already knows who is in it. They took her Soldier. They **_stole_** him from her. Oh, this will most certainly not stand now….

“How did you get him here without my knowledge?” she demands angrily. Pierce looks at her in amusement.

“I told you, you work for me, not the other way around. I have plans for him and I needed him here,” Pierce answers smugly. “Get him out and prep him for the chair.”

Gwinner is fuming now. There is NO WAY someone should have been able to get their hands on her Soldier without her knowledge, regardless of who the hell they are. The Winter Soldier is her project, her masterpiece, handed down to her by a preceding general. Heads are going to roll for this.

“Have you ever seen this man?” Pierce asks and hands her a dossier. She takes it and opens it, making sure he knows she is thoroughly unimpressed with anything he says or shows her. 

“Captain Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America. He’s dead,” she says closing the dossier and shoving it back at Pierce, “what of it?”

“Is he?” Pierce asks and puckers his lips like he’s considering this. “Hmmm….maybe if you spent more time paying attention to things that matter instead of wasting your time on things that don’t you would know that he is very much alive and currently a recruit of SHIELD.”

“And?” she asks curtly. “What has this to do with him?” she demands and points to the cryostorage tank. 

“Are you blind or just belligerently daft?” Pierce asks calmly. His calmness unnerves her. 

“Neither.”

“I suggest you look very closely at that dossier. When you’re finished -”

“I can look at it here,” she says cutting him off and taking the dossier back from him. 

“When you are finished,” he continues as if she hadn’t interrupted, “come see me for your next steps. Dismissed.”

She glares at him. 

“You do not dismiss -” she begins to argue. Pierce snaps his fingers and Gwinner is surrounded by his armed troops. She is escorted from the building and back to an awaiting vehicle. 

As soon as Pierce sees she’s out of earshot he looks at the handlers.

“I need him ready in three hours. His first mission will be to put that bloated cow out of her misery.”

  
  
  
  
  



	12. Saving Ciara

Clint sits in Fury’s office looking at the details of Ciara’s bloodwork. Fury’s hands are folded in front of his face so Clint can’t make out his expression and just the one eye doesn’t tell him much. 

“It’s a variant of the serum Captain Rogers has,” Fury says at last. That’s what caused the seizure.”

“Was there any lasting damage?” Clint asks trying to see if he can find the answers himself. 

“If there were they’ve healed,” Fury replies. 

“When can I see her?”

“Aren’t you married, Barton?” Fury asks calmly. Clint rolls his eyes.

“Yes. I’m not romantically interested in her. Even if I was, she’s hot to trot for HYDRAs pet soldier -”

“Which I’m still trying to figure out how she got through his programming,” Fury interjects. “She never spoke of him to you?”

“No,” he lies. He has the dog tag stashed and plans on keeping that secret for her. He feels like he owes her that much. “She kept to herself mostly.”

“Never mentioned anything out of the ordinary while you were training her under Cordova’s surveillance?” Fury persists. Clint shakes his head no.

“Just the usual day to day bullshit. She didn’t even know what Cordova had the lab rats working on.” Another lie. He knows she knew what it was otherwise she wouldn’t have used it to go back in time to get the goddamn dog tag and sweet Christ what a mess this girl created. 

“I’m moving her to a more secure facility,” Fury states as if he’s just made this decision. 

“Secure? Where? Why?” Clint demands. “She needs training -”

“She’s had training, Hawkeye. She’s also dying. That serum Van Doran gave her was only half of the dosage. We can’t find the other half. And right now it’s slowly eating away at her immune system,” Fury says pulling up a screen to show Clint the effect the serum is having on her T cells. Clint’s jaw drops. The process is slow but noticeable. 

“How do we stop it?” Clint asks quietly. 

“Until we find the other half of the serum? We don’t. She’s going into cryo. When the time comes you’ll be made aware of her location.”

Clint looks at the screen in dismay. Fury is doing the only thing he can to save her. The alternative is to let Ciara die a slow and potentially painful death. 


	13. Call for Backup

Steve hangs up the burner cell he used to call Clint and rubs his chin. 

“He’s going to get us some backup,” Steve states. “We’re going to get through this, Buck.”

“By backup, I hope you mean more than just your shield and whatever the hell he uses,” Sam quips and hikes his thumb at Bucky. Bucky glares as Sam. He can’t stand the guy. Some of it is because Sam comes off as a pompous ass acting like he’s doing everyone a favor by helping Steve and Bucky, but most of it is...most of it is that Bucky’s jealous. He’s been Steve’s only friend for so long and the idea that Steve has other people he can rely on hurts. It hurts more that Steve can’t rely on him at all. Bucky has ruined Steve’s life. 

He knows this. He tried to run and hide. He tried to give Steve the opportunity to forget him so that Steve could be the hero he was meant to be. Bucky never wanted to hurt anyone, he never meant to do those things. And now Steve is so deep into this clusterfuck with Bucky and Bucky will never be able to set things right…

“Hey, relax. We’ve got this,” Steve says grabbing Bucky’s shoulder and squeezing. Just like Bucky used to do to him when Steve was uneasy about something. 

Bucky gives Steve an uneasy smile. 

“You should never have come for me, Steve -”

“You would have done the same for me, so shut up. I wasn’t going to abandon you, Buck. Even when I had nothing you were always there. I’m not throwing that away for some shit you had no control over -”

_ “But I did those things,” _ Bucky argues. Steve shakes his head no. 

“We both know that wasn’t you. Not the real you. Not the Bucky I’m talking to now. They made you do that shit. You said it yourself, all they had to do was say the words and you had to obey,” Steve says trying to rationalize things. Bucky chokes back the flood of tears trying to break free. 

“I thought I said be discreet?” 

Bucky recognizes the leggy blonde stepping out of the car as one of the broads that tried to kick his ass when that goddamn kid put him into Soldier mode. 

“Sharon,” Steve says sounding relieved and elated. Kid’s got the hots for the blonde. This makes Bucky smile till he takes a closer look at her. Damn if this dame isn’t a dead ringer for Peggy Carter. They continue to talk just out of earshot of he and this jackass Sam. Bucky sees her open the trunk of her car and sees Steve pull his star-spangled shield out. Bucky can’t decide if that’s the same shield from almost a hundred years ago or if this is a newer one. Looks the same. He can see the scratches from the new King of Wakanda down the middle. He shudders when he recalls just how close those claws were to his throat. 

A cargo van pulls up next and all four of them take defensive positions. Steve immediately comes back to cover Bucky and this makes Bucky feel even worse. It’s supposed to be the other way around. Not like this. Bucky doesn’t know how much more of this he’s going to be able to take….

Bucky recognizes the guy coming around the front of the vehicle as Agent Barton. The passenger’s side door opens and a petite redhead jumps down. 

“Anyone else?” Steve asks sounding disappointed. Barton nods his head and slides the rear passenger door open. There’s a guy laid out on the seat who looks like he’s about half hungover. Steve nods. Sam grins. Bucky doesn’t know any of these fucking people. Jesus Christ…

“There’s one more. I have to go get her, though,” Barton says quickly. 

“Who?” Steve asks. Barton looks at Bucky. There’s a deeper recognition in Barton’s eyes than Bucky cares to admit to. He’s seen Barton elsewhere, not just in HYDRA dossiers, but he can’t place where or when. But Barton seems to know. 

“He knows. Or he will. Give me two hours. Lay low. Get them up to speed. Don’t do anything stupid. Or more stupid,” Barton warns. 

“He knows what?” Sam asks. Clint studies Bucky for a moment then looks at Steve before sighing. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls something out. 

“Here,” he says flipping it to Bucky. “See if this jogs your memory. Two hours. Jesus Christ, I hope this works,” Barton says walking away just as Bucky catches the item. Clint’s already in the van and pulling away when Bucky finally opens his hand to see what he caught.

It’s his dog tag. 

The world bottoms out beneath him suddenly. 

“Whoa! Whoa! Easy!” Steve yells as he grabs Bucky by the shoulders. He and the blonde and the redhead are pushing him to sit on something. 

“Buck? Buck. Look at me,” Steve says lifting Bucky’s chin and forcing Buck to focus on Steve’s blue eyes. 

“Steve,” Bucky mumbles. His head is swimming and all he keeps seeing are images of  **_her_ ** . His girl. At least that’s who he thinks she is. He’s sure of it. Maybe. But the images are conflicting. Her hair is red like the deepest wine, but in one memory it’s long and in another, her head is shaved almost bald. 

“Buck, what happened?” Steve asks. Bucky sees the petite redhead looking at him earnestly. Her head is tilted just so. She looks worried. She looks at Steve suddenly. 

“Where’s Clint going?” she asks. 

“You heard what he told me, Wanda. He’s going to get someone else. That’s all I know,” Steve replies. “Why?”

She shakes her head, maybe not wanting to answer or maybe she can’t because she doesn’t know. 

Bucky opens his hand and looks at the dog tag. Steve’s jaw drops now that he sees it. 

“Where the hell did you get that?” he asks. 

“Barton,” Bucky manages to answer. But how did Barton get it? His dog tags have been lost to time and tide. Except one. One he gave to a girl who stole his heart, a girl he promised he’d marry, a girl who…

“Give me a few minutes with him,” he hears Steve say to the others. Bucky feels like the world is closing in on him. He can’t piece together these memories of her, but he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the dog tag he gave her. 

“What’s going on? Where did this come from?” Steve asks as soon as the others give them space. Bucky can see Steve is not just worried, he’s scared. 

“I didn’t want you to get involved in this shit, kid. I never meant to drag you down with me,” Bucky says softly. “I am so sorry -”

“No. You don’t get to apologize, Barnes,” Steve says cutting him off. “You don’t get to say you're sorry.”

Bucky looks at Steve in stunned disbelief. 

“Steve -”

“No,” Steve continues, “you know why? Because of all the times you saved my ass back in the day. All the times that you came through for me. Even after the serum...I knew I could count on you. I knew you had my back. I’m not letting you go through this alone. I’m with you, Buck.”

“Till the end of the line,” Bucky says and smiles painfully.

“Till the end of the line,” Steve repeats. “Now tell me what the hell is going on.”

 


	14. Sleeping Beauty

Clint lands the jet on the hidden runway and rushes into the building. SHIELD has all but disintegrated and the remaining agents here are under Fury’s direct control. Not even Stark knows about this and he’s the one paying for it. 

But Clint knows. 

So does Natasha. 

He just hopes she hasn’t gotten here first. Not that it would matter. He’s sure that once Ciara sees Bucky she’ll jump to whatever side he’s on. Lucky fucker.

Clint pushes that thought away and thinks about Laura. Or tries to. The heart wants what the heart wants. He wants Ciara, Ciara wants Bucky. What the fuck does Bucky want? 

“Not to end up as someone’s bitch in prison,” Clint mutters to himself as he heads deeper into the building. He gets to the security door and is scanned. Twice. 

“Welcome, Agent Barton,” the mechanical voice says as the vault door unlocks and swings slowly open. He steps inside and sees the cryostorage tank in the middle of the room. turn from blue to yellow to red as the AI voice counts down till he’s able to open the tank. 

“Fucking hell,” he growls. 

The tank is defrosted and empty. Ciara’s already been taken. Something catches his eye - a flashing green light on the computer consoles. 

Before he even gets to it he knows who left it. 

“Natasha.”

He shakes his head and presses the button in the center.  A holographic image of Natasha appears. It’s a prerecorded message. 

“If you’re seeing this than we know who got here first. She’s dying. Maybe Tony can save her, but he won’t try if she’s fighting for the wrong side -”

“The wrong side?!” Clint yells at the holographic image. 

“I couldn’t let you have all the super soldiers,” the image says with a smirk. It ends there. 

At least Nat’s thinking of Ciara’s well-being. Somewhat. There’s always ulterior motives involved. He’s no exception to that. He’s still pissed that she got here first. Now he has to figure out how to explain that to Cap...and Bucky.

He boards the jet and heads back to the others. 


	15. The Widow and the Wolf's Bride

Natasha enters the coordinates for the secret installation and takes off in haste. She knows Clint will go after this girl and that will completely tank the playing field. Clint should have stayed retired. He should have just stayed out of this shitfest. 

But she knows he couldn’t. Clint will come when his friends need him and he’ll go with the side he knows is right. Or believes is right. Natasha isn’t convinced either side is right. Both of them are just…

“Stupid,” she says to herself. “Just stupid.”

She warned Steve to stop hunting for Barnes. To just let sleeping dogs lie. Nope. He had to cowboy up and go after this guy. She’s trying to understand why, but the bond that Steve and Barnes share is beyond anything she’s ever been able to experience, or allowed herself to experience. The closest comparison would be her relationship with Clint. Whose ass she is going to kick right back to the fucking farm with his wife where he belongs. 

“Idiot.”

She lands less than an hour later. Stark’s toys are exceptionally useful and a delightful benefit. 

She’s greeted by the remnants of the SHIELD agents Tony unknowingly pays for. 

“I need her out,” she says as she heads to the vault. 

“We’re under strict orders she’s not to come out, Agent. She’ll die -”

“I’m aware of this, but she’s needed. I’m under orders to get her out. My orders trump yours. Let's go.”

It’s a bold face lie, but it’s necessary. The ends justify the means or some such shit. She follows three of the techs inside and watches as they bring Ciara Grace Sorano AKA Winter Fox out of cryo. 

Natasha watches as she slowly comes around, the minutes ticking by faster and faster. 

Her eyes finally open and she settles her gaze on Natasha. 

“Do you know me?” Natasha asks calmly. She’s not going to be surprised by any answer she receives. 

“No.”

Her answer is as cold as the storage tank she came from. 

“Do you remember what happened?” 

Silence. Her gray eyes stay focused on Natasha. Clint trained her to keep the primary threat in view at all times obviously. 

“No.”

Natasha smiles because she’s lying. 

“Alright. I don’t have time to give you the full story, but you’re needed -”

“For what?”

“Let’s just say shit has hit the fan and you’re on the list of people who can help stop it from escalating to a shit storm.”

She refuses to budge from the tank. Now Natasha is getting antsy and irritated. 

“Put me back in.”

Natasha shakes her head no. She was hoping Ciara would just be complicit and play along, but now she’s got to use the Ace in her sleeve.

“Barnes is in trouble. Sergeant James Barnes. I think you know him.”

Ciara’s gray eyes widen in shock and the fear and concern that floods them is like a punch to the gut for Natasha. Ciara loves him. That look on her face was enough to tell Natasha that Ciara would die for Barnes. Willingly and without question.

“Where is he?” she asks trying to climb out of the tube. The techs help her and hand her a sheet to wrap herself in. Her legs wobble as she adjusts to being on them again. 

“Germany. He and Steve are in trouble -”

“Clothes. Gear. Now,” she snaps at the techs. They jump at her tone and then look to Natasha for confirmation. Natasha nods and two of them hurry off. 

“Talk,” she orders. 

“I’ll explain on the way there,” Natasha promises. 

The techs come back with clothes and they escort Ciara to a shower room. She’s cleaned up and suiting up in under ten minutes.

“Who the fuck are you?” Ciara finally asks as they head to the jet.

“Natasha Romanov. A friend of Clint’s.”

“The infamous Black Widow has come to collect me to save Captain America and James Barnes. If this isn’t some next level shit…”

“Not save, Ciara, stop. Strap in and I’ll explain.”

Natasha fills Ciara in with the details of all that’s transpired since she was in cryo. By the time they land Ciara is up to speed...and coughing hard. 


	16. Not Necessarily Bad News...

Chapter 16: Not Necessarily Bad News 

Bucky paces nervously around the empty parking deck. Clint’s going to get Ciara. His Ciara. His heart. His soul. He’s torn between being excited to see her and being livid with Clint for dragging her into this shit. 

It doesn’t help that Steve’s as thoroughly confused about the past with her as Bucky is. Well, almost. Bucky has the dueling memories of himself both as Sergeant Barnes and as the Winter Soldier. It makes his head hurt when he thinks about it, but it makes his heart break when he thinks about Ciara. Both versions. The one that he vowed to marry that he hasn’t seen since that day almost seventy years ago and the one that faded away with the change in the timeline. She was so beyond broken, but even with all of that she still loved him. He promised he would find her again. He’s not made one fucking effort to do so. 

Logically he knows he couldn’t have. Not with all the heat surrounding him for all he’s done. Emotionally, however, he’s tearing himself apart for making promises to this girl he couldn’t keep. 

“Buck.”

“Steve.”

“He’s here. Are you ready for this?” Steve asks gently. Bucky realizes he must look nervous as hell. He runs his fingers through his hair quickly in a vain attempt to try and look somewhat presentable. He’s a hot fucking mess, though. This isn’t how he wanted their reunion to be. Not by any stretch of the imagination. 

“No, but yes,” Bucky answers. They watch Clint emerge from the vehicle looking defeated. 

“No. No. Where is she, Steve?” Bucky asks. He sounds like a frightened child and he can’t help it. Nor does he care. Where is she??

“Natasha got to her first,” Clint says apologetically. “She’s gone.”

“Gone? As in…”

“No, Steve! Jesus Christ!” Clint barks. Steve throws his hands up. 

“Gone as in what?” Wanda asks. 

“Nat took her out of cryo -”

“Why the fuck was she in cryo?” Bucky demands. What the flying fuck is going on? Why is she in cryo? What the hell did they do to his girl?

Clint purses his lips and looks from Bucky to Steve and back to Bucky. 

“Fuck it. So up until right this second what I’m about to tell you was listed as highly classified intel. Did you remember anything, Barnes?” Clint asks.

“I remember her,” Bucky says defiantly. He feels like Clint is calling him out on something and he doesn’t like it. 

“Relax, Barnes,” Clint says shaking his head. “This is the gist of what I got from the story. She was apprehended with some of her friends while snooping around a supposed SHIELD infrastructure,” Clint begins. He uses air quotes when he says SHIELD infrastructure to emphasize his supposed remark. “At least two of her friends were killed. Possibly three. I cannot find anything on the third one. I was called in right after your first attack on the complex. They had footage of you chasing her down and letting her go and her subsequently kissing you -”

“Well damn,” Sam laughs. “Sent to kill her and she kissed you for it?”

“Shut up!” Bucky snaps at him. Sam rubs his cheek with his middle finger. 

“Knock it off,” Steve growls. “Go on, Clint.”

“I get called in and saw the footage. Found out about her, found out what they were supposed to be working on and things just went to hell from there. Barnes comes back again, and this time he’s out to kill her. She was blue and gasping for air -”

“Stop,” Bucky whimpers as the imagery of that memory plays in his mind. 

“She took Barnes back in time with her. That’s how she got the dog tag. That’s how I got the fucking dog tag was from her when she came back. I don’t know how the fuck you got back before she did, but you did and she made me promise to make sure Cordova’s agents didn’t apprehend you. Then the damn fool went and sacrificed herself to make sure HYDRA got you -”

“YOU LET HYDRA TAKE HIM!” Steve roars. Bucky puts his hand on Steve’s chest to stop him from going for Clint.

“He had to. Right?” Bucky asks. 

“If Cordova had gotten ahold of Buck in the condition he was in...none of us would be here right now. I don’t want to think of what Cordova would have done or been able to do with Barnes if he’d gotten his hands on him. I had to choose the lesser of two evils that night and in doing so Barnes ended up back with HYDRA and Ciara ended up injected with half of a dosage of an experimental serum that is slowly killing her….”

“No….no….that’s….no….” Bucky stammers. He drops back against one of the empty cars and covers his face with his hands. 

“That’s why she was in cryo, Buck. I had called SHIELD and Fury knew what was going on with Cordova. To an extent. What I just told you Fury doesn’t know. Natasha doesn’t know. At least about the time travel and the dog tag. Hell, the only two people that really know what happened are you and her, Barnes. Fury put her in cryo to save her until we could find either a cure or find the other half of the serum…” Clint trails off.

“You haven’t found either, have you?” Steve asks. Bucky knows the answer. She wouldn’t be in fucking cryo if they had. 

“No. I tried. I’ve searched everywhere. So has Nat…”

“Now Natasha has her. To what? Level the playing field?” Sam asks. 

“It won’t matter,” Clint says with a shrug. “Once she sees Barnes she’ll be all over him and she won’t let anything happen to him. She was willing to die for him. I’m going to bet she still is.”

“If she remembers him,” Steve says and looks at Bucky. Bucky’s eyes widen. 

“She’ll remember. He remembers her. I promise you she will remember him,” Clint states. 

“We should get going,” Wanda says nervously. “I have a feeling the others are on their way.”

Steve nods in agreement. They pile into vehicles and head to their destination. Bucky can’t focus. Steve’s in danger because of him. He’s losing his friends because of him. Ciara is dying and has to be held in cryo and he has a sickening feeling this is also because of him. 

The two people he loves most in the world and he’s done everything imaginable to unintentionally fuck them over. He’ll never be able to fix this. And they should never forgive him. 

  
  
  



	17. Bittersweet Reunion

Ciara took in all that Natasha told her. All of it. Steve and Bucky are in trouble because Steve broke through Bucky’s programming enough that he was able to run and hide. Steve tracked him down, somebody framed Bucky for blowing some shit up and killing some King of WakaWaka or something, but Bucky wasn’t even fucking there. He was hiding in Romania. He and Steve were apprehended by WarMachine and some government agents. Somebody else fucked up and let some fucking shitbag who knew how to activate Bucky’s programming into where they were holding him and Bucky went into soldier mode and tried to escape, but Steve got to him and now here we fucking are. 

“You’re not listening to a damn thing I’ve said,” Natasha says. She sounds mildly amused. Ciara looks at her and shakes her head no. No point in lying. 

“Stay here. I’ll call you if we need you. That cough is getting worse -”

“I’m aware,” she cuts in agitatedly. Natasha studies her for a moment then runs off. Ciara knows Natasha is well aware that she’s going to go looking for Bucky. To think anything else would be fucking stupid and foolhardy. 

“If I were a fugitive about to square off against the Justice Friends where would I hide?” she mumbles to herself. She sees what she’s looking for but a coughing fit hits her just as she’s about to run in that direction. It winds her enough that she has to delay her movements and sit for several minutes till she’s able to catch her breath. 

“Slow kill my ass,” she growls. She pushes herself to move and heads towards the building. That’s when she hears the commotion. They’re all fighting. She can see them as she makes her way across the back of the building. Her heart stops when she sees Bucky. 

“Oh god.”

He’s headed inside with some other random guy and being chased by a kid wearing pajamas and swinging from...what the fuck? Are those webs?

She feels the burning in her chest intensify as she runs faster to get to Bucky. 

“Is that a metal arm? Cool!” the kid in the pajamas drools as he catches Bucky’s left hook with ease. 

“Hey, Webster,” she says running up behind Bucky. The kid tilts his head and she clocks him from behind Bucky. The kid staggers back and then she sees a fast flying drone take the kid out and knock him back through the plate glass window. 

“Ciara?” Bucky says turning around slowly. He remembers. Her heart would soar if it didn’t hurt to fucking breathe.

“Hey, handsome,” she says reaching for his face. He moves like lightning and gathers her into his arms where he holds her so tightly she’s afraid he’s going to crack her ribs. She tries to fight off the coughing fit and only partially succeeds. He lets up in the intensity of the bear hug, but he doesn’t let her go. 

“Ciara? Jesus Christ….easy, doll, easy,” he whispers as he rubs her back. She finally gets control and the coughing stops. 

“I’ve missed you,” she says. Tears well up in his blue eyes and he pulls her back into that tight embrace. 

“I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry, Ciara. I’m so very sorry,” he whispers. His face is buried in her neckline, she can feel the heat of his breath on her skin and the emotional toll all this is having can be heard in his voice, soft as it may be.

“Don’t, baby. Don’t apologize. But you have to go. You and Steve have to get out of here. Finish this -”

She starts coughing again and pushes him away. This one isn’t going to be controlled. He comes right back to her, putting one hand on her back to rub and the other on her hip to hold her. 

“She should never have brought you out,” he says angrily. Ciara gasps for air and sees blood on the sleeve of her jacket. She’s quick to hide it from him. 

“She didn’t have a choice it seems. She knew what she was doing and you won’t hold that against her,” Ciara pants. Bucky cups her face in his hands and looks deep into her eyes. Time stops. Those majestic blue eyes hold her, mesmerize her. She can’t think of anything now but being here with him. She would give anything to be able to run away with him. Just run and find someplace hidden from the rest of the world so they can live out their lives…

“I love you. I’m not leaving you,” he tells her. She shakes her head no.

“You have to finish this, Bucky. You and Steve. Please. Don’t let Zoler get away with what he’s done.”

“I can’t lose you again. I don’t want to. Please, Ciara…”

His words break her heart. She barely notices her own tears as they spill from her eyes. 

“Then don’t let them catch you. Get Zoler, Bucky. You have to. You didn’t kill that man -”

“No, I killed countless others,” he says cutting her off. “I don’t deserve you or Steve or -”

“Shut your damn mouth,” she growls at him as she clamps her hand over his mouth to keep him from talking more shit. “HYDRA did that shit. Not you. A gun can’t pull its own goddamn trigger. Remember that.”

“I did those things, Ciara!” he protests once he pulls her hand free and entwines his fingers with hers. “Don’t you understand?”

“Don’t you understand? I love you. I love the you I met in 1940-whatever. I love the you that spared me and that I kissed that day in the compound. I love the you that I took back in time with me who saved me from myself -”

“You remember?” he asks sounding astounded by the notion. “I thought...I thought it was just me…”

“I remember some things. It’s a fucking shit show, but I remember I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you -”

She starts to cough again. Harder still than the last time. His hands are on her back rubbing, trying to soothe her. This time there’s more blood and she can’t hide it from him. 

“Oh god….” he whimpers as he wipes the blood from her lips. “Oh, Ciara…”

She turns from him and spits out a mouthful of the blood she’s coughed up. 

“Don’t,” she says as she turns to face him again. She sees someone dressed as a cat running at them and she sees Steve is hot on this asshole’s heels. 

“We got incoming!” the other guy Bucky is with yells. 

“Run. Go. Finish this…”

“I’m not leaving you,” he says firmly. “Not again. Not like this. I’ll find a way to help you. To help  **_us_ ** .” 

“BUCK!” Steve bellows. The cat man is practically on top of them. He lunges for Bucky and Ciara pulls him away and they topple over with him landing hard on top of her. He’s a damn sight heavier than he was the last time he was on top of her, but that was different positioning and god what she wouldn’t give to be able to have that…

She’s not focusing and she needs to. Her head hurts and she feels completely wiped out suddenly. 

“Stop! Don’t do this, T’Challa,” Steve pleads as the cat-man descends upon her and Bucky. Bucky is up and trying to shield her. She forces herself to get up and puts herself in front of Bucky.

“Sorry, pussycat, this boy belongs to me. You can have him if you can get through me,” she purrs. 

“You will move, woman, or be moved,” the cat warns. 

“Don’t you touch her!” Bucky snarls.

“Enough! You’re not going to stop,” Natasha says looking at Steve. 

“You know I can’t.”

“I’m going to regret this,” she gripes. Ciara sees her aim for Steve but at the last second, she switches her target to the cat-man and hits him with a taser dart. He drops like a sack of potatoes. 

“Go!” Ciara says before the coughing starts again. She pushes Bucky toward Steve. 

“NO!” Bucky yells and reaches for her.

“You can’t help her if you get caught, Barnes. Go!” Natasha commands. Steve grabs Bucky’s arm and tries to pull him away.

“Buck! Let's go!”

“I’ll come back for you, Ciara. I promise. Take care of her!” he orders Natasha.

“I’ve got her. Just go!”

“I love you,” Bucky says pulling free from Steve and caressing Ciara’s face. 

“I love you, too. Go. Please,” she pleads. He kisses her softly, hesitates for one last second and then he and Steve race away. 

Ciara starts coughing again. 

“Come on. We’ve got to get you back to cryo. Hopefully Tony can find something to help you.”

Ciara makes Natasha wait with her till Bucky and Steve are out of her sight. After that things are a blur. 

  
  



	18. Deprogramming

“I can’t trust my own mind,” Bucky says and forces a laugh. Steve looks like someone stepped on his puppy right now and it kills Bucky. 

“They can help. Shuri’s….Shuri has a plan to remove that garbage HYDRA put in you,” Steve says. Bucky nods. 

“This is for the best, Steve.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, but there’s no conviction to his statement.

“Steve…I need you to do one thing for me. Please.”

“Name it, Buck.”

“Find Ciara. Make sure she’s okay. Please,” Bucky begs. He knows Steve will do it, and all Bucky can do is hope that the girl he loves is safe and maybe they found a cure for her. He wants that. He needs to believe that someone fixed her up and now she can go about her life finally. And while it hurts him to think that she could move on without him, he believes that’s for the best. She deserves so much more than what he could ever offer her. She deserves to be with a guy like Steve. 

“I’ll find her, Buck,” Steve promises. 

“If you do...if you find her, take care of her, Steve. She’s a good girl. She deserves the world. So do you.”

Steve shakes his head no and folds his arms over his chest. 

“We’re ready when you are, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Promise me, Steve.”

“I’ll find her and make sure she’s okay, Buck. I promise. Don’t worry. They’ll get you sorted out.”

Bucky nods and looks at his now missing left arm. Steve steps towards him and bear hugs him. Bucky can only reciprocate so much. Steve smacks him on the back before letting go, nods and then leaves. Goodbyes aren’t either of their fortes. They hurt, they suck, and they’re forever. Nobody wants to say goodbye forever. 

He lets them lead him to the cryo-chamber. He steps inside, the hood closes and he sees Steve and T’Challa watching from outside of the bay area he is in just as Bucky closes his eyes. 

“We will take good care of him, Captain Rogers. He is safe here with us, I promise you.”

“I can’t thank you enough,” Steve says quietly. “For doing this.”

“It is time to make things right. This is where we start.”


	19. Wakanda Needs You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Creative liberties have been taken. I choose to ignore IW and the impending EG because I can't deal.

Bucky dreams of a house in the country. Not a big house, just a small house, a cozy home for two with a pending third on the way. He dreams of coming home and walking up the path to the house and seeing the door open. In his dream, the door opens and Ciara is there excited to see him, holding her very pregnant belly as she tries to jump up and down in her joy at having him home. He dreams of kissing her, his wife, and then stooping down and kissing her swollen belly. He feels their baby kick and the  _ oof _ come from the most beautiful woman in the world as the baby knocks the air out of her a little and then she laughs as he stands back up and holds her in his arms. Her stormy eyes sparkle and dance because he’s home and very soon they’re going to be parents. Very soon there will be Mr. Barnes, Mrs. Barnes, and Baby Barnes. She kisses him lovingly and then drags him up the stairs to the nursery to show him the new crib. It’s just like the one he had when he was a baby. He doesn’t know how he knows this or how he’d recognize it, but he’s sure of it. She’s looking at him anxiously and he tells her how happy and pleased he is about the crib. He takes her hands and pulls her into his arms, her belly making it hard to pull her as close as he used to, but that’s okay. It’s better than okay. It’s perfect. She leans in to tell him something. She keeps her hand on her belly to support the weight of it as she stands on the tips of her toes. 

_ “It’s time to wake up.” _

He leans away from her and her face is dire and her belly is gone and it’s not his wife he sees, but the assassin Ciara with her shaved head and metal right arm. 

_ “It’s time to wake up.” _

She says it again and Bucky staggers back from her. The house is in flames. The acrid smell of the smoke burns his nose. The house is beginning to crumble around them, but it’s not their house anymore. It’s the cold storage facility they had kept him at in Syberia. Assassin Ciara is now standing in front of a thrall of other super soldiers, all foaming at the mouth like rabid dogs, chomping and snarling like they want to tear him to shreds. Assassin Ciara tilts her head and then shakes it sadly.

_ “It’s time to wake up.” _

Bucky shakes his head no. He tries to speak but his words are swallowed by the roar of the flames as the fire consumes everything. It creeps closer to Ciara while it devours the other soldiers. Their cries are drowned out in the roar of the flames. 

_ “It’s time to wake up, Sergeant Barnes.” _

The flames are now creeping up her legs, dancing around her like a sick garland of orange and red. She doesn’t move and doesn’t even notice the fire all around her. Her gray eyes are void of emotion. He hears words being yelled in Russian, but they aren’t  _ his _ words. These are the words for her. 

As the flames creep up and cover her face her eyes finally clear and she screams in horrific agony. 

_ “SAVE ME!” _

Bucky’s eyes fly open and he sees the sister to the king of Wakanda looking at him urgently. He smells smoke. This is real. Something is burning. 

“Wake up. That’s it. Come on, Sergeant Barnes. We need you,” Shuri tells him. He goes to rub his eyes and the realization his left arm is gone hits him like a ton of bricks. 

Something loud crashes not far from where they are. The normally calm and collected Shuri is frightened and she’s looking to him for help. 

“Sergeant Barnes -”

“What’s going on, Princess?” he asks using the title he assumes would be proper given the fact of who she is. 

“My brother was ousted. He’s fighting back but the man who currently claims the throne has sent men after my mother and I. T’Challa can care for himself. Nakia is with him. Please -” 

She’s cut off by another loud crash and then shouting and a subsequent boom from further inside the building. 

“I have this to help you,” she says opening a narrow case. Bucky sees a replacement for his arm. The smoke is beginning to drift into the room they’re in. It won’t be long till they can’t breathe at all. 

He nods his head and Shuri makes haste in removing the arm from the case and getting it situated to Bucky. 

“Vibranium. We had it made for you for when you were ready. I fixed what the thugs put into your head, but we decided to let you rest...but now…” she looks towards the windows. Bucky follows her gaze and sees flames and smoke outside. The shit hit the fan here on a massive level. 

She finishes up and watches as he goes through basic motions. It feels strange because it is so much lighter than the arm he was used to. Shuri looks at him eagerly. He nods and they move out to find her mother. 

Till it’s all said and done the place looks like a hydrogen bomb went off. But T’Challa is now back on the throne and once again the rightful Black Panther thanks to the aid of Nakia and the Queen. 

“Thank you for your aid and for protecting my sister,” T’Challa says and extends his hand to Bucky. Bucky isn’t sure what to do. This man wanted to kill him and now….

“It’s alright,” Shuri says and gives Bucky a little shove. He extends his hand to T’Challa and they shake. There are no hard feelings, Bucky can see that, and he is so very grateful for this. 

“You are welcome to stay here as long as you need to stay, Sergeant Barnes. Shuri has cleared the programming HYDRA put into you. There will be no more orders that you cannot disobey now,” T’Challa says and looks at Shuri with pride. She grins and nods her head. 

“Thank you. Both of you,” he says humbly. “I don’t know how to repay this -”

“You already have. Wakanda cannot remain closed to the world forever. Much like you cannot hide from your past forever,” the Queen tells him. 

“She is of course right,” T’Challa says and smiles, “but you are our guest -”

“You still need time to heal,” Shuri says taking over, “I can only do so much. The rest is up to you.”

Bucky thanks T’Challa and the Queen again and Shuri walks with him to a private room. 

“You’re still under my care, Sergeant Barnes. Don’t run off without telling me,” she advises with a hint of smartassery. He grins a little. 

“Yes, ma’am.”

That was almost two months ago. Things have since settled down considerably. T’Challa is working on opening Wakanda’s borders to the rest of the world and Bucky sees very little of the new King or his mother. Shuri however….

Bucky sees her approaching as he heaves more of the feed bags off of the truck. Three young boys with painted faces are trying to corral the half-crazed brown goat that escaped and has butted Bucky in either the stomach or the groin more times today than he cares to think about. He vows that if he catches the goddamn thing he’s going to throw it into the fucking river.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Shuri says walking up to him. 

“Princess.”

“Stop that,” she chides him. He skews an eyebrow at her and she rolls her eyes. If there’s one thing he’s learned from being here it’s that Shuri is a fucking firecracker. She keeps everyone on their toes. 

“I will when you do,” he responds as he tosses another bag off the truck with a grunt. 

“Bucky. Come walk with me.”

Bucky wipes his brow with the back of his right hand. The truck is only half unloaded.

“It will wait,” she promises. He looks at the feed bags and then back at Shuri. She’s getting impatient. He hops down off of the truck and they start walking. 

She says nothing, but he can tell by the look on her face that she’s got something she wants to say or ask. 

“Whatever it is, just ask it or say, Shuri,” he tells her. She stops and looks at him in surprise. 

“I don’t have a very good poker face, do I?”

“No and don’t you tell T’Challa you learned this crap from me,” he warns. She laughs at him. 

“Who is Ciara?”

Bucky’s heart stops. 

“Wha...why?” 

Her eyes widen at his unwittingly scared response. 

“You call for her in your sleep sometimes. The children have heard it, too,” Shuri explains. 

“She’s the woman I love,” he answers quietly. Shuri’s eyes soften and Bucky looks away. She starts walking again and he follows, his heart aching so badly in his chest that it makes it hard to breathe. He misses Ciara so much. 

“What happened to her?” Shuri asks. She’s gentle with her questions, the tone of an understanding adult coming from the body of a mere child. She’s well beyond her years in both intelligence and compassion. 

“I don’t...I don’t know. It’s a complicated story -”

“I have all day, Bucky. Tell me. Please.”

Bucky opens his mouth to tell her no, that she has other things to concern herself with, but she’s eager to hear the tale. She wants to know and something tells Bucky there is an underlying reason for these questions, but he can’t begin to imagine what that reason would be. 

He sighs heavily. 

“I’m not your enemy, Bucky.”

“I know you aren’t. You’re my favorite smartass here,” he says teasing her a little. She smiles in delight.

“It’s nice to be recognized for my stunning wit. But you’re stalling. Tell me about her. She’s important to you if you say you still love her.”

“I do still love her, Shuri. You’re going to put me back in cryo if I tell you.”

“Why?” she asks startled by the accusation. 

“Because it’s crazy.”

“So is your arm. So is the tech we have. So is the whole world according to Okoye.”

Bucky tries to come up with another argument, but he can’t. She’s got him. 

“We should find a place for you to sit and be comfortable,” he says. Her eyes widen and she’s immediately intrigued by his statement. 

It takes a couple of hours for Bucky to divulge what he can remember to Shuri. Some of it is out of order, some of it he’s not sure is right and that’s because of the duality of the memories. Shuri asks tons of questions which made telling her who Ciara is take that much longer. 

“You speak of her only in the present tense. Like when you say you love her,” Shuri says thoughtfully. 

“I do love her. I will always love her. She’s my heart and soul.”

“Soulmates. I get it. Your dreams are they bad?”

“About her? Not always,” he says quietly. “I prefer those dreams.”

“Where is she now?”

“I don’t...I don’t know. I guess she’s in cryo somewhere because of the serum that fucker gave her before Barton could get her away from him…” Bucky still seethes with anger that Ciara was subjected to this shit and that she’s had to suffer needlessly. A thought occurs to him that freezes him to his very core. 

“Why are you asking, Shuri? Did you hear something? Is she...is Ciara….” 

He can’t bring himself to say it. He can’t because if he says it and it’s true he may as well dig his own grave at that point and just lie in it. 

Shuri studies him for a moment and then shakes her head. 

“Dead? No. I was just curious because you’ve called out for her while you slept,” she says getting up and stretching. “Well, that and Captain Rogers called. He’s on his way here with her and should be landing right about….now,” she says pointing to the window as the jet touches down on the landing pad. 


	20. Surprise

Bucky’s jaw comes unhinged when he sees the jet touch down just outside of the window. He looks at Shuri who is smiling smugly. 

“You knew?” He asks stupidly. 

“You know I did. Captain Rogers called because no one can figure out how to help her. This serum...it’s killing her faster since they pulled her from cryo, Bucky. They have her in cryo now, but it’s...how did Doctor Banner put it? Ravaging her immune system.”

Bucky’s heart shatters. 

“Tell me what you need me to do, Shuri. Tell me what you need and I will get it. I will find it and I will bring it to you. Please….don’t let her die….”

Shuri takes his arm and they head outside just as Steve steps off the jet. He sees Bucky and immediately smiles grandly. 

“Buck! Hey, man!” He yells and trots over with his arms wide open. Bucky walks into Steve’s embrace and hugs his best friend tightly. 

“How are you?” Steve asks. 

“Alright, for a semi-stable hundred-year-old man,” he replies. He looks beyond Steve at the jet. Steve looks over his shoulder.

“She’s on board. I brought Banner with me…”

“Let's get her inside so I can see what’s going on,” Shuri says and smiles at Steve. Steve nods and he and Bucky go back on the jet. 

Bruce is checking Ciara’s vitals on the cryo tank. 

“Her pulse is thready, but she’s stable,” he tells them. Bucky can see she’s asleep, her eyes are closed and her face is framed by her deep red tresses. He would give anything to pull her from there and hold her in his arms for eternity. 

“Help me with this, Buck,” Steve says as he begins to move the tank carefully. Bucky helps and they move her off of the jet and then follow Shuri inside. 

“Give me some time with Doctor Banner to pick his brain. I’ll let you know if I have a solution,” she tells Bucky. 

_ “IF? _ ” He asks more sharply than he’d intended. Shuri skews an eyebrow at him and Bucky looks down ashamed. 

“I’m good, but I’m also smart enough to know not to make guarantees,” Shuri states matter of factly. “Do you want me to call you when I wake her up?”

“Do you have to pull her out of cryo? I don’t want to lose her,” Bucky says softly. Shuri’s eyes soften and she rubs his arm. 

“I have to be able to talk to her and draw blood. If it’s as virulent as Doctor Banner and Captain Rogers tell me, she’ll only be out for a short time. I promise.”

“Yes. Call me. I want to see her. I  _ need _ to see her.”

Shuri nods her head.

“Go spend time with Captain Rogers. I think he may have missed you,” she says teasing him lightly. 

Bucky looks back at Steve who grins a little. 

“I will call you. I promise. If she feels the way you do she’ll demand to see you, too, I’m sure,” Shuri says and then shoves him towards Steve. 

Steve smirks as Bucky stumbles towards him. Shuri disappears into her lab with Banner. T’Challa, Okoye, and Nakia come to greet Steve. 

“Captain Rogers, welcome,” T’Challa says extending his hand and smiling. 

“Thank you, your highness,” Steve says humbly and shakes the king’s hand. T’Challa waves away the formalities. 

“Our dear Sergeant Barnes has us in his debt. He helped save my sister and my mother. That is something I can never repay. But this is a start,” he says as a sort of jest. “Tell me about this girl.”

“She’s your girl, Buck,” Steve says. Okoye’s eyes widen. 

“She’s young,” Okoye states. 

“I’m not that old,” Bucky says defensively. 

“Mentally,” Steve adds. T’Challa finds this amusing. 

“I hear Shuri coming out in you Captain Rogers. If you were here more I would blame you for influencing her,” T’Challa teases. Steve laughs a little. 

“So, about this woman,” Nakia says. “What do we have to look forward to with her?”

 


	21. Tell The Tale Again

Bucky relays the tale in almost the same fashion he did with Shuri. It’ takes less time because no one stops him a thousand times to ask a slew of questions. He understands now why Shuri was so keen on the information. Just talking about Ciara made his heart ache. Knowing she’s here and so close is both a bane and a comfort. He wants to touch her so badly. He wants to talk to her. He wants to know if she still feels the way he does, if this inexplicable bond they seemed to have is still there. 

Soulmates. 

He believed she was his soulmate the day he met her at the Pavilion. He still believes she is. He knows he would die for her…

“The serum, Steve,” he says stopping in his tracks and interrupting whatever Steve was telling him about some trial Bucky is supposed to go to. 

“What about it? What serum? Yours, mine, hers?”

“Mine. Yours. Both. What if...what if Zola had more? Erskine’s was destroyed, you told me that much, but what about Zola? Or maybe she could synthesize something from ours to help Ciara?” Bucky knows he’s grasping at straws and that he should be presenting this to Shuri, but he needs to get the idea out in the open now lest it fades before he can get it to Shuri. 

Steve furrows his brow as he thinks this over. 

“We don’t know how Cordova got the serum. Or how Van Doran created his own. We can ask Shuri and I’ll call Nat and see if she can dig up anything on any remnants of your serum. Don’t put all your hopes on this, Buck. I know you love her. I know you don’t want to lose her, but…”

“Don’t say it, Steve. Don’t. I can’t….there are two things I fear most in this world. Losing her and losing you. I can’t survive without either of you. Just know that if I lost one of you….”

“You’re all I have left, too, Buck. I know how you feel. I’ll do all I can to make sure we try to save Ciara. You better invite me to the damn wedding,” Steve says trying to joke. This actually makes Bucky smile. 

“I had a dream I came home to her and she was super pregnant and about to pop,” he tells Steve as they head to see Shuri. 

“Wow. Domestic you. I’m scared.”

“You’re an asshole,” Bucky laughs. 

“I learned it by hanging out with you for all those years. You are the master.”

“Don’t blame me for your shortcomings, Steve,” Bucky retorts. Steve just laughs. 

“I hate to interrupt this witty repartee you two have going, but she’s awake,” Bruce says walking up to them with Okoye. Steve pats Bucky on the back and Bucky runs towards medical. 

 


	22. The Star Crossed Lovers Meet Briefly

 

Ciara opens her eyes to unfamiliar surroundings yet again. To say she’s getting tired of this would be the understatement of the century. All she wants, all she’s dreamed of is seeing Bucky again and maybe, finally seeing what the fuck is going on between them. There’s a bond there, something so much stronger than love and yet so foreign as to be almost unrecognizable. But she does love him. Her soul yearns for him and her heart aches at his absence. Or hers since she’s been stuck in this freezer for god knows how long this time. What year is it? What day is it? More importantly where the hell is Bucky?

“Welcome to Wakanda,” a bright-eyed young lady says to Ciara. Ciara blinks slowly trying to clear the sleep from her eyes. The lady smiles warmly. 

“My name is Shuri. I’m here to try and help you.”

“Help me what?” Ciara croaks. Her throat feels like the Sahara Desert. 

“Stop this serum some assholes gave you, as Bucky says.”

At the mention of his name all the cloudiness and fatigue disappear.

“Bucky?”

Shuri gives her a huge smile.

“He’s been pacing like a rabid wolf since we brought you inside. I think that’s him now,” she says pointing to the door. Bucky looks like he just ran halfway across the globe, but when his eyes fall on Ciara he’s all smiles. 

“Ciara?”

Ciara’s eyes mist over as he approaches her. 

“Bucky,” she says reaching for him. Shuri steps aside and Bucky lifts Ciara gently from the cryo tank and cradles her in his arms. He carries her to the long couch in the room and sits down still holding her in her arms. 

“I’ll leave you two alone for a few moments, but it can’t be for long,” Shuri tells them. She steps outside leaving Bucky and Ciara alone. Ciara cups Bucky’s face in her hands. There are tears in his beautiful blue eyes. 

“Shuri is going to fix this. We’ll get through this. I can’t…I can’t keep walking away from you. I can’t explain how I feel, I can’t find the words...I know that I love you and I don’t want to lose you--“

This is going to be the hardest thing she has ever had to do.

“I love you,” she says softly as she runs her fingers along his bearded jaw. “I will always love you, James Barnes, but--“

“Ciara, don’t,” he pleads. 

“If she can’t help me you can’t hold onto this for the rest of your life,” she says as her own tears fall. “Promise me that if something happens you’ll move on. You’ll find someone else--“

“There is no one else,” he says holding her tighter, “there will never be anyone else. Don’t you feel it, Ciara? Don’t you feel what we have?” 

His voice is strangled with his tears and pain. Ciara’s heart is breaking. 

“I do. I know you are my soulmate. I know we’ve defied time and logic together. But...I don’t want you to be alone, Bucky--”

He buries his head into her arm and sobs. 

“Don’t say it. I can’t...I can’t l-lose you,” he stammers. Ciara breaks entirely and starts crying uncontrollably. 

“I love you more than anything,” she weeps. “I would sell my soul to see you happy. Please...if she can’t help me you have to promise me you’ll move on.”

“No. No. No. There is no one else. It’s just you. You’re who I love. I want you. I love you.”

Ciara can’t find the words to try and convince him anymore. She clings to him as they cry. Two seemingly star crossed lovers who can never seem to get their timing right and now the threat of her death looms heavy over their heads. 

She feels a soft hand on her back but refuses to look up or let go of Bucky.

“Come on, let’s get this started,” she hears Shuri say softly. 

“Buck, let her go so Shuri can try to help.”

Bucky tightens his embrace and Ciara cries that much harder. There is no physical pain that can compare with how badly her heart aches right now. 

“Buck...Ciara...let Shuri work. Come on. She can’t help if you don’t let her try,” Steve says still trying to coax them apart. 

“Please,” Shuri says gently, “let her go.”

Bucky breaks down again and his grip tightens.

“No! No! Not like that!” Shuri says back peddling once she realizes what she said had been misconstrued.

“She’s not going to let Ciara die if she can help it, Buck. I gave her your suggestion. I called Natasha about locating anything on Zola’s leftovers. But you have to let Shuri work. You, too, Ciara,” Steve says firmly. Ciara can feel his strong hands pulling her away from Bucky’s embrace. 

“Give me two more minutes,” Bucky pleads. 

“Two minutes,” Shuri agrees, “but we’re losing time we could be using to find a solution,” she states. Ciara leans back from Bucky. He looks up at her, his blue eyes still filled with tears and rimmed in red from the ones he’s shed. 

“Two minutes,” Ciara promises. Shuri and Steve walk away. 

“Don’t give up,” Bucky pleads. “She helped me. She can help you. We’ll fix this, Ciara. And then we’re getting married.”

This makes her laugh and cry at the same time. 

“You still want to make good on that threat, Sergeant Barnes?”

“You’re goddamn right I do.”


	23. Saying Goodbye Again

 

“What trial? What the fuck...I’m being tried for the HYDRA stuff?” Bucky demands. His head is pounding, his heart is racing, and he feels like he’s going to throw up. All he wants, all he  _ needs _ is to be left alone with Ciara and to have Steve within arms reach. Is that so much to ask?

Apparently it is.

“Some of the countries are trying to label it as war crimes. Some just want you to make the appearance as a show of good faith that you were being forced to do these things. We’ve got a battalion of lawyers all at the ready, but it has to be done, Buck. I have to go through it, too…”

“Steve, that’s bullshit. After everything you’ve done for this goddamn planet--“

“I’m not arguing that fact, but we have to do this. Political appearances. We get pushback on all kinds of shit and Tony is still pushing for us to be accountable to some government agency as opposed to just ourselves. It just has to be done, Buck.”

“They’re going to put me in a cage, Steve.”

“ _ No, they will not _ ,” Steve snaps. “I won’t let them.”

“Steve, I did all of those things I’m being tried for. You can’t change that fact. You can’t whitewash it. You can’t make it go away,” Bucky tells him. He knows Steve is trying to protect him, but he can’t change the past. Neither of them can. 

“And you weren’t able to stop what happened. We can prove that. We have the intel, we have tapes showing what they did to you--”

Bucky huffs out a pained laugh.

“I was told I had to serve my country. I was told I had to do my part. I did so willingly. This is my reward. This is my legacy,” he says sadly. 

“I’m going to do my damnedest to see that changes, Buck,”  Steve promises. Bucky shakes his head in dismay. The two men sit quietly. 

“Steve….”

Steve looks over at his friend. 

“The tapes. The tapes of what they did to me. Do  _ any _ of those show the serum?”

Steve’s eyes widen and he pulls his phone out and makes a call.

“Clint, the tapes we have on Buck, I need them gone through. I need to know if any of them show the serum even if it’s just in the background. What do you call it? Volun-told? Do that. Has Natasha found anything?”

Bucky listens eagerly as Clint relays what Natasha has been able to find. They found the lab where Van Doran had created his version of the serum but it had been burned to the ground and all that remained was the shell of the building. There was another promising lead that Natasha was tracking down now. Clint promised he’d go over the goddamn tapes with anyone he could get his hands on and get back to Steve if they found anything.

“How is she?” Bucky hears Clint ask. 

“I had to pry the lovers apart to give Shuri time to work,” Steve says teasingly. Bucky glares at him. 

“She loves him. I’m surprised you got her to let him go. Buck, if they get this shit straight you better invite me to the goddamn wedding and I better be the Godfather to at least one of the hellions you two spawn.”

“I get first dibs,” Steve says and grins. 

“I’ll fight you for it,” Clint retorts and then laughs. Bucky smiles weakly. 

“Keep me posted,” Steve says and hangs up. “Everyone knows she loves you. And if they didn’t, that display earlier would certainly have made them aware. I’m still the best man at the wedding, right?”

“Steve...what if she doesn’t….”

“Shut your mouth,” Steve growls at him. “I’m going to be the best man at your wedding. I’m not letting anyone rob me of that. Or kicking Clint’s ass for the right to be the Godfather.”

“Stop watching those movies, Steve. You are not Al Capone.”

The two of them look at each other and then start to laugh. 

“The trial,” Steve says putting them back on track, “we have the evidence to show you weren’t yourself. The lawyers are going to prep you for what kinds of questions you’ll be hit with and how to answer--”

“That’s lying.”

“Specific wording so that the other lawyers don’t turn your words against you or if they try they aren’t as successful. I’ve been over this with a few of them already. I told them I wasn’t going to lie in court and neither would you. We just have to be succinct about what we say.”

Bucky taps nervously on the table he’s sitting at and then looks over his shoulder at the hall that leads to medical. He wonders if Ciara is still awake and out of cryo. He wonders if Shuri will let him see her again before they put her back in. 

“I’ve lost you again,” Steve says gently. “Let’s go see what they’re doing and then you have to focus, Buck. We’re heading back tomorrow.”

Bucky snaps around to look at Steve. He’s terrified by what he just heard.

“Steve…”

“I will be there with you. I’m not abandoning you. We’re in this together, we’ll get through this together. Right?”

Bucky nods nervously. He and Steve get up and walk towards the hall. Steve puts his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and squeezes. 

“Till the end of the line,” Bucky says and grins a little. 

“Till the end of the line.”

They head to see Shuri. 

“I was just about to come get you,” Shuri says quickly. “We have to put her back in. Whoever did this to her should be hurt. Severely.”

“If he’s still alive he’s got a reckoning coming,” Steve promises as Bucky heads towards Ciara. She’s sitting on the table looking pale and miserable. When she sees him she smiles tiredly. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he says caressing her cheek. “It’s not good is it?”

She shakes her head no.

“Shuri is funny. She’s threatened to castrate Van Doran no less than fourteen different ways,” Ciara tells him. 

“She’ll have to take a number and stand in line. Me first then you,” he says taking her hands and kissing them. 

“Why do you get to go first?”

“It’s my job to protect my girl.”

“One of us is stuck in the wrong century, Sergeant Barnes. But I’m not sure which one of us it is,” she says looking around at all the high tech craziness Shuri has access to. 

“This place is amazing. Shuri’s the smartest person on the goddamn planet. Steve and Clint and Natasha are working on some leads as far as the serums go, but…” he trails off. 

“She has to put me back in. I know. I don’t understand why if it’s just prolonging--”

“Ciara, stop,” he says cutting her off. “We haven’t exhausted all options yet. We still have hope.”

“Bucky, I want you to promise me...please….I don’t want to fade to the next plane knowing you won’t move on…”

Tears fill Bucky’s eyes again. He furrows his brow and nods his head reluctantly. 

“If she can’t fix this...we’ll get married. We’ll have a little ceremony. I want to marry the girl I love more than life...regardless of what happens after that….”

She throws her arms around him and starts to cry. 

“I love you, Sergeant Barnes,” she says through her tears. 

“I love you, Mrs. Barnes.”

“It’s time,” Shuri says quietly. Bucky kisses Ciara softly and rests his head against hers. 

“Don’t give up. Promise me that,” he whispers. 

“I promise.”

He scoops her up and carries her to the cryo tank. Shuri makes sure she’s situated and the door slides shut. Bucky can hear it seal. Her eyes close slowly and then the glass clouds over till she’s gone. Steve is at his side with his head down. 

“I will do all I can, Bucky,” Shuri promises. “This is the best thing for her and you won’t have to worry while you’re away. You know I’ll make sure she’s safe.”

Bucky rests his fingers against the glass that now hides his heart. 

“If you can’t find a way to fix this, Shuri...I promised her we’d get married before…” his words falter. Saying it out loud makes it all too real. 

“I don’t plan on failing, Bucky. But in the event that I somehow manage to not fix this…”

“I’ll make sure you two have the best wedding ceremony imaginable,” Steve promises. 

“Have some faith in me, Bucky,” Shuri says poking him in the arm. “I helped you. I’m not going to give up on her. But I better be invited to this wedding since I’m doing all this work.”

Bucky laughs a little and looks over at the smug princess. 

“I’ll make sure you are, Shuri.”

 


	24. Heading Back To NY

Bucky makes Steve stop one last time in medical before they leave. Steve doesn’t argue, just nods his head and follows Bucky into the room where Ciara is. Shuri is already hard at work.

“Take Dr. Banner with you. I think I’ve irritated him,” Shuri says playfully. Bucky grunts in acknowledgment but he hears Steve chuckle a bit. 

Bucky gets to the cryo tank and puts his hand over the glass. 

“I know you can’t hear me, Ciara,” he says softly, “but I want you to know I’ll be back for you. I have to leave for a while. Shuri will take care of you. Rest and dream of me, doll,” he says fighting with himself to hold it together. He runs his fingers over the glass once more. Maybe they should build these things for two people and then he could go under again…

That thought makes his skin crawl. No one should have to do that willingly. That’s not living. That’s not even death. That’s some kind of purgatory. 

Besides, what the hell would Steve do? Probably jump out of more planes without a damn parachute. 

“Why am I getting that look?” Steve asks as Bucky walks back over. 

“I ever catch you jumping out of a plane without a chute I’ll throw kick your ass up between your eyeballs,” Bucky mutters. Shuri bursts out laughing. 

“It was one time, Buck. One. Time.”

“Horse’s ass,” Bucky grumbles. “Come on. Shuri…”

“She’s safe and I will let you know if I find anything, Buck. Take care of yourselves. Captain Rogers...parachutes are your friend.”

“I’m going to hurt you, Buck.”

“Not likely. Call somebody if you find anything, Shuri. Please,” Bucky begs. 

“I said I would. Go on. You’re cramping my style,” she says shooing them away. “Take Dr. Banner!”

“Bruce!” Steve calls. Bruce is rushing to put his jacket on as he meets them in the hall. T’Challa is waiting for them. 

“Thank you again,” Steve tells him and extends his hand. T’Challa shakes it and smiles.

“You are most welcome. Don’t worry, Shuri will figure this out,” T’Challa promises. 

“I hear there is a wedding in your future, Sergeant Barnes,” Okoye says with a slick smile. 

“I heard the same thing,” T’Challa says. “And you are most welcome to have it here,” he adds. “We would be honored...and hopefully invited.”

“I told her a small wedding. Small.”

“Define small,” Okoye says with a smile. Nakia laughs. 

“If you need anything let us know,” T’Challa tells them as he brings the conversation back around. “We will keep you posted on how Ciara is.”

“Thank you again,” Bucky says humbly. “I can never repay you for any of this…”

“There is no need,” T’Challa says. “Go. Be safe.”

Steve thanks T’Challa and Bruce fumbles his thanks and admiration of the kingdom. They board the jet and take off. Bucky sits quietly while Steve and Bruce try and get him to talk. It’s not that he doesn’t have anything to say, it’s just that he’s got so much on his mind and in his heart. The trials. What will happen? What if they send him to jail? What if they execute him? He’ll never see Ciara again. What about Ciara? Will Shuri be able to fix her? Is she going to have to stay in cryo forever? Is she going to…

“Stop dwelling on her, Buck. We’re working on getting her situation fixed,” Steve reminds him. 

“Shuri has some ideas but it’s going to take some time for her to put things together. Not long, based on how fast she works, but time nonetheless. If we could find Van Doran’s other batch…” Bruce trails off with that thought. 

“If,” Bucky repeats. 

“She’s safe. And you’re engaged,” Steve says trying to lighten the mood a little. 

“So I am,” Bucky says after a moment’s thought. “Not officially. She doesn’t have a ring, I never properly proposed…”

“Old fashioned to the core,” Bruce laughs. 

“We’ll get all that taken care of after the trials, Buck.”

“That means Steve gets to throw you a bachelor party,” Bruce says. Bucky and Steve exchange glances. 

“I don’t even want to imagine,” Bucky groans. 

“Strippers from the 40s,” Bruce says and then laughs at his own joke. Bucky shakes his head and Steve rolls his eyes. 

They land in New York several hours later. Bucky is tired and stiff from sitting so long. He’s not been in New York since the day he went after Steve and he’s not sure how he feels about this homecoming. 

“You’ll stay with me at my place,” Steve tells him as they get off the jet. “It’s two bedrooms so you have your own room. We’ll meet up with the lawyers tomorrow.”

“I want to call Shuri.”

“Buck, it’s two in the morning there.”

“Goddammit,” he grumbles. He just wants to know if she’s found anything. 

“She’ll call us when something comes up. Come on, let’s go get something to eat and get you situated. We’ve got a long road ahead of us.”

 


	25. Good News

Steve wasn’t kidding. The following months were filled with meetings with the lawyers, talking about what happened that he could remember, having to turn over his notebooks as evidence, having to go over files and documents and all this before the trials even started. Having to go over all of this tears him apart. He’s had to walk out of meetings on a few occasions because he couldn’t breathe. 

And at night, when it’s all said and done and he’s supposed to be asleep, he lays in bed and thinks of Ciara and how badly he misses her. He’s only heard from Shuri once since they left and that was just to say she’s still working on finding a way to fix the shitty serum Van Doran gave her. The last Bucky heard, Clint was chasing down a potential lead on Zola serum but then he got called away on a mission and that was put on the back burner. The same with Natasha. Bucky is starting to wonder if there is any hope left for Ciara. 

Tonight is no different. Steve and Bucky walk into the now shared apartment, fast food bags in their hands. They sit and watch TV while they eat, the new norm for them with their days being filled by legal bullshit and ending in sleepless nights. They don’t talk much other than to grunt at the stupid shit on TV or to ask rhetorical questions about the stupid shit on TV. Kind of like the old days when they’d listen to the radio together. Comfortable silence. Bucky’s just glad Steve’s around and Steve seems to be glad to have Bucky around. 

Bucky’s phone starts to buzz and vibrate across the coffee table. 

“It’s Nat,” he says as he answers, “what?”

“You should really try saying hello first,” she chides him. 

“Hello. What?”

Steve is snickering over his beer. 

“Asshole,” Natasha mutters. “I have news for you.”

“Good news?”

Steve’s eyes widen. Bucky puts it on speaker so he can hear, too. 

“I managed to track down a lab that Van Doran had used to create his version of the serum. It was pretty well obliterated, but we found a vial with a drop of the serum in it.”

“A drop?” Bucky and Steve say in unison.

“Literally. One. Drop. I’m taking it to Shuri to see if she can analyze what the hell is in it.”

“That’s somewhat good news,” Steve says thoughtfully.

“I didn’t say it was good news. Clint has good news.”

“Hey,” Clint says. He sounds exhausted. “I have one bag of Zola’s serum in my possession. It’s damn near solid, though. Nat’s taking that to Shuri, too.”

“I need to call her. I need to see Ciara--”

“You can’t,” Natasha cuts in, “the trials, Buck. This is just the starting point. Shuri won’t get her out of cryo until she has something workable. What we have isn’t workable.”

“Yet,” Clint adds. 

“And all we can do is hope that if she is able to make use of this stuff that it will work on Ciara. There are no guarantees, guys. I’m not trying to piss on anyone’s parade, but we have to stay grounded. Especially you, Barnes,” Natasha says apologetically. 

“But there’s still hope,” Bucky says grasping at the thought that they have something now. 

“There’s always hope,” Steve says. “Thanks you two. Let us know when you have it delivered to Shuri.”

“I’m going home and I’m going to sleep for a week,” Clint grumbles. 

“Thank you,” Bucky tells them. 

“I better be invited to this wedding, Barnes,” Natasha warns. Steve snorts and then laughs. 

“You can come as my date,” Steve tells her. 

“You can ask me in person,” she fires back. “But it’ll have to wait till I get back.”

She disconnects the line and Bucky gives Steve a bemused look.

“I’m scared for you,” Bucky says after a minute.

“Why?”

“Natasha? I don’t want to imagine the things she’s taught you.”

“No worse than the girls I used to run the show with,” Steve replies with a smirk. 

“Great. While I was getting shot at and captured you were getting schooled on heavenly bodies and getting them off.”

Steve chokes on his beer and Bucky laughs. 

“Is this going to change after you get married, Buck?” Steve asks after a few minutes. There’s a hint of sadness in his voice that Bucky picks up on immediately. 

“No, Steve. I may bring her over occasionally, but this won’t change. I’ll send her shopping with Natasha.”

“Don’t bitch about rubber suits and whips if you do that,” Steve states calmly. Bucky damn near drops his beer. 

“You kinky…”

“No you don’t! That’s Nat! That’s not me!” Steve barks and then just laughs and laughs at the look Bucky gives him. 

  
  



	26. The Trial

The trials seem endless. They last all day with only a few short breaks for everyone to get air. The questions are ruthless, the people asking them brutal and unrelenting. The accusations tear at Bucky. The evidence breaks him down over and over and over. The gasps of the people in the courtroom eat at him. They give him disgusted looks, they glare at him, they judge him with their eyes. 

It never ends. The day stops and Bucky goes back to the apartment and weeps. Steve will try and get him to eat, but he has no appetite. 

“I can’t keep doing this,” he says shakily. Steve sits next to him and puts his hand on the back of Bucky’s neck and squeezes gently. 

“We have to, Buck. I know it’s hard. I can see that, but we have to do this. We have to show the world what happened and show them that you were a victim, and not just you…”

There was video evidence of HYDRA brainwashing the other soldiers as well. The torture techniques they used, the serum….the sight of the chair they used to wipe Bucky’s memory nearly sent him over the edge. Tomorrow they’re threatening to show his notebooks as evidence. He’s terrified. 

“Eat something,” Steve tells him and shoves a burger into his hands. 

“I miss Sara’s cooking,” Bucky whispers. 

“I miss mom, too. I miss a lot of things.”

“Yeah. Nickel coffee. Quarter breakfast.”

“Fibber McGee and Molly,” Steve says warmly. 

“Hitching to the beach.”

“Watching you spend our bus money trying to win prizes for some random girl you wanted to pick up.”

This makes Bucky smile a little. 

“The USO dances,” he says thoughtfully. “All those pretty dames who would dance with us…”

“You have a pretty dame you’re engaged to, Buck.”

“I miss her.”

“Does she cook?”

Bucky looks at the burger and then at Steve.

“I don’t know.”

“When you find out let me know. I’ll be over for dinner.”

“You’re such a goddamn jerk,” Bucky says trying not to laugh. Steve grins, knowing full well that would get Bucky. 

“Eat that burger. Pretend it’s mom’s cabbage soup.”

“I hated your mom’s cabbage soup, kid.”

“You’re a damn liar,” Steve says through a mouthful of his own burger. “You used to eat the hell out of it.”

“Your mom was pretty and I was always hungry.”

“I  _ knew _ you were flirting with my mother!” 

Bucky finally laughs as Steve gives him scathing looks. He eats the burger Steve got and they watch TV, Steve making comments about TV moms and asking Bucky if he thinks they’re hot, too. 

The following morning Bucky is more nervous than usual as he gets dressed in the ill-fitting suit he has to wear. They’re putting his notebooks on display for the court. His personal thoughts and memories that he’s tried to hold onto are now going to be public record. He feels violated and ashamed. 

“It’s alright, Buck. Those notebooks are evidence in our favor, remember?” Steve reminds him. Bucky pulls the glove over his left hand as he nods his head. 

“I’m calling Shuri tonight,” he announces. “I want to know how Ciara is.”

“Alright. Maybe she’ll have an update on her progress,” Steve agrees. “Hold onto that today, Buck. Think about Ciara and your wedding if that helps you stay calm.”

Bucky forces himself to smile. He’s been thinking about Ciara and all of his thoughts keep coming back to what if she can’t be saved. How will he cope with losing her after having to deal with all of this? Steve’s going to put him in a goddamn asylum if that happens. 

They get to the courthouse and the day starts off horribly. The prosecution gets the notebooks and puts Bucky on the stand and fires off question after question, accusation after accusation, trying to put words in his mouth and damn near succeeding. Bucky’s defense team yelled  _ objection _ so much at one point that the judge had to call counsel to his chambers and yell at them. 

Then when they broke for lunch and he and Steve went outside he was greeted by protestors wanting his head on a pike. They cussed at him, screamed at him, cursed him and threw things at him. Somebody threw a good size chunk of rock and hit him just below his temple. He and Steve had to be escorted back into the courthouse by armed officers and Bucky had to get stitches because of the gash the rock left. His head hurts so bad his vision is blurry but they won’t let him get away with not being in the courtroom so he sits at the table trying to focus and wishing he was someplace quiet and secluded with Ciara and just holding her…

“Counsel would like to call a surprise witness to the stand, your honor.”

Bucky looks up at his lawyers in surprise. No one had mentioned this to him. He looks at Steve who looks just as surprised. 

“Objection! The prosecution was not made aware--”

“That’s why it’s a surprise witness, counsel,” the judge interjects. “I’ll allow it.”

“Counsel would like to call T’Challa, King of Wakanda to the stand.”

There are gasps and whispers rolling through the courtroom. Bucky’s pretty sure he’s dreaming. Steve is whispering to the lawyers about something. 

“Order! Order!” the judge bellows as he bangs the gavel on the stand.

The doors open and T’Challa walks in flanked by Okoye and Nakia. More murmurs and whispers rumble through the courtroom. The judge bangs the gavel again.

“I will make this a closed courtroom!” he threatens. The noise dies down as T’Challa takes the stand and is sworn in. 

“How do you know Sergeant Barnes, your highness?”

“He is a friend of my family’s.”

“But we have footage of you chasing him down in Romania with every intention of trying to kill him.”

“Steve…” Bucky whispers in panic. 

“Let them play it out, Buck,” Steve whispers back, “they’re on our side. They’re going to block the prosecution from being able to ask the same questions.”

“This is true. I thought he had killed my father. I was mistaken.”

“Why did you think that?”

“Sergeant Barnes was framed. The perpetrator who killed my father was caught.”

“And you just became friends with a man you thought initially had killed your father?”

“Objection!”

“Overruled. Continue,” the judge states. 

“Sergeant Barnes is a victim, just as my father was. He tried to make things right with Captain Rogers by taking him to the other HYDRA soldiers. He was brainwashed and programmed--”

“Objection! This is hearsay!”

“Your honor, we have provided evidence already that corroborates what the King is saying. There are case files going back to Word War Two documenting the brainwashing and torture techniques that were used just by the Nazis alone. This is pertinent to the case.”

“Objection overruled. Watch your step, counsel, you’re pushing your boundaries.”

“Thank you, your honor. Please continue, your highness.”

“I believe counsel was provided with the measures my sister took to deprogram Sergeant Barnes, were you not?”

“The Defense would like to enter into evidence the following medical reports submitted by the King’s sister and collaborated by our physician team as well as the prosecutions team,” the lawyer states as they wave a thick pack of papers around. They hand one to T’Challa, one to the judge, and the other the put on the table marked  _ evidence _ . 

“Can you tell me the outcome of this deprogramming?”

“Yes. The command words to turn Sergeant Barnes into an unwitting slave have been stopped. He is his own man once more.”

“The Defense rests.”

“You may cross-examine the witness.” 

Bucky can see the prosecution’s lawyers whispering frantically to each other and pointing to a slew of papers on their table. 

“Counsel,” the judge says tersely. Still no reply from the prosecution as they continue to have some kind of heated debate. 

The judge clears his throat loudly and they finally look up. 

“No further questions, your honor,” they say at last. 

“Are there any other witnesses to call?” the judge asks. 

“No,” both sides say. 

“Very well. You may make your closing arguments.”

T’Challa takes his seat behind Steve and Bucky, but Bucky is so scared and nervous he can’t turn around to thank the man. 

“Your honor, honorable members of the jury,” the prosecution begins, “let’s not forget what we’re dealing with here. Yes, the defense has positioned Sergeant James Barnes as a victim, a man that had no control, but is that really the case? His notebooks detail the things he’s done, he pulled the trigger on countless lives again and again. He stole mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, wives, husbands, and children from their families with no remorse, no questions asked. He robbed people of their lives. Who is the victim then? Not Sergeant James Barnes, I assure you. You must look at the evidence as it presents itself - not that the man is a victim, but that he is a cold-blooded killer. A murderer. A monster.”

“Easy, Buck,” Steve whispers to him. Bucky is shaking. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Sergeant Barnes is a victim. This is a man who was drafted into the Army, who diligently served his country even after his initial capture and escape. What happened after that was no fault of Sergeant Barnes. He did not volunteer to work for HYDRA or the Nazis. He did not switch sides. He was never a spy or a double agent. He was captured, he was tortured, he was abused, mutilated, broken, and finally brainwashed into the weapon HYDRA wanted him to be. A gun does not pull its own trigger, ladies and gentlemen, it has to be loaded, aimed, and fired by someone. Sergeant Barnes was made into a weapon and as you’ve seen he clearly suffers for what he was forced to do. What if this was your son or daughter that had been captured and forced into this life? Should they be punished for trying to do the right thing because the wrong people made them do these terrible acts? I ask you to think on this, ladies and gentlemen, and I know you will make the right decision.”

“Court is adjourned until tomorrow morning at nine,” the judge says banging the gavel.

“All rise,” the bailiff orders. Everyone stands up and waits until the judge leaves. 

“I have news,” T’Challa says grabbing Bucky’s arm, a huge smile on his face. 

“After this, it had better be good,” Bucky tells him. 

“Oh, it is,” Nakia assures him. 

“Shuri has the cure. She was able to find a way to counteract what Van Doran gave Ciara. It’s in preliminary testing, but it looks promising,” T’Challa says excitedly. 

“What...she’s going to….”

“Sit down,” Steve says pulling the chair out for Bucky and pushing him down into it. Okoye and Nakia are all smiles. 

“Shuri isn’t going to give it to her until she’s absolutely certain it will work, but as of right now, your bride to be has a bright future ahead of her,” T’Challa explains. 

Bucky feels some of the weight that has been burdening him fall away. Ciara is going to live. She’s going to live and not have to stay in that fucking cryo tank and…

“When will we know?” Bucky questions. “How soon? When can I see her again?”

“Slow down,” Okoye tells him and pats his shoulder. 

“Shuri has been working almost non-stop on this. I expect she’ll know something fairly soon, but I can’t tell you how soon,” T’Challa states. 

“This is good news. Thank you,” Steve says graciously. 

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m supposed to meet with some dignitaries and then I’m having dinner with your dear Mr. Stark,” T’Challa tells them. Nakia shakes her head. 

“Thank you. Thank you for telling me,” Bucky says quickly. 

“Thank Shuri, White Wolf.”

He departs with Nakia and Okoye. 

“Tomorrow the jury will start deliberation,” one of the lawyers says to them. “This is going to be the hardest part, the waiting. We have officers waiting to escort you out. I suggest you keep a low profile until this is over.”

“Thanks,” Steve says as he pulls Bucky up from the chair. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  
  



	27. Not Guilty

It’s been several weeks since the closing statements were given at the trial and Bucky found out about Shuri’s good fortune. He had called her that night and asked her a million questions about her findings, if it would really work, if Ciara would be healthy again, when they could get her out of cryo….

Shuri had been Shuri in her answers, the sassiness coming through, but she had assured Bucky that she was very close to getting the results and everything was on the right track. She’d asked him about the wedding, too.

“Am I invited?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

“Just checking. You need to calm down, Bucky, seriously. If you don’t I won’t tell you when I wake her up.”

“I am calm!” he protests. He’s lying, he knows it, but he can’t calm down, he hasn’t found a way to do so.

“Are you going to lie to her like this, too? That won’t make for a good marriage,” she taunts.

“Shuri…”

“She’s going to be fine, Bucky, but I’m going to tell her you’re a damn mess when I wake her up and then I’m going to tell her she needs to kick your ass for not listening to me.”

“She won’t do it.”

“If that’s what you think….”

Bucky’s lips pucker. Shuri could probably convince Ciara to beat his ass, especially if he’s as out of sorts as he is now and refusing to calm down.

“Don’t agitate her.”

“Of course not. That will be your job as her husband,” Shuri says sweetly.

“I miss you,” he says with a small laugh. He hears her chuckle.

“I know you do. Go to bed. I will call you when I have more news. I promise.”

“What did she say?” Steve asks when Bucky puts the phone down.

“That she’s going to tell Ciara to kick my ass for not listening to her about calming down.”

“Can I get in on that?”

Bucky throws the sandwich bag at Steve’s head. He naturally catches it and laughs.

“Punk,” Bucky mutters. “You try to calm down with all this shit…”

“Buck, I know. I get it. You’ve been put through the wringer. But it’s almost over--”

“What if they find me guilty? What about all the other countries?”

“It’s all under the U.N., Buck. Anyone else with a grievance will have to resolve it with them once this is over. If they find you guilty we’ll appeal it till they get their shit straight,” Steve says like a guilty verdict isn’t possible.

“Besides,” he continues as he pulls the sandwiches out and tosses one to Bucky, “you have something more to look forward to.”

“Ciara,” Bucky says softly.

“This is the turning point in all of our lives right now. Have some faith, Buck. But she’s not moving in here.”

Bucky chokes on his sandwich.

“What?” he coughs.

“I’m not listening to that shit while I’m trying to sleep,” Steve says and then laughs as the remainder of Bucky’s sandwich hits him in the chest. Steve sends his sandwich flying at Bucky’s head. By the time they’re done throwing dinner around there’s sandwich crap everywhere.

“Look at this mess.”

“You made this mess,” Bucky says pointing at Steve.

“You made the mess,” Steve retorts and tosses cleaning supplies to Bucky. Bucky flips him off and starts wiping stuff down while Steve picks up the sandwich shrapnel.

“Now what do we eat?” Steve grouses. “I’m starved.”

“Cabbage soup.”

“I cannot believe you were flirting with my mother. I’m telling Ciara.”

“Don’t you dare!”

Steve laughs.

“Order pizza or something,” he says as he gathers up the last of the the debris.

“Three pies?”

“Three,” Steve confirms.

The pizza arrives and he and Steve argue over who was the better ballplayer back in the day while watching the Mets play in what used to be Shea Stadium.

By the time they go to bed, it’s the wee hours of the morning and both of them are barely awake. Bucky drags himself to his room and drops face first onto the bed. As tired as he is he can’t sleep. His mind is going a million miles a second thinking about the trial outcome and about Ciara and now about finding a place for them to live. Which means he has to have an income. And now he has something more to worry about.

He covers his head with his pillow and closes his eyes trying to will himself to get some sleep.

The alarm goes off what seems like a few minutes later. It’s been three hours. Bucky hasn’t slept at all. He rolls out of the bed and heads to the bathroom to clean up.

Both he and Steve are exhausted and barely awake when they arrive at the courthouse. Natasha is with them today and thankfully brought them coffees with double shots of espresso in them to try and keep them awake. Bucky full expects to just sit in here and wait just like they have been for the past several weeks. He gets his phone out thinking he’ll look for apartments but he can’t bring himself to do it. What if they do find him guilty? They’ll put him in a cage for sure and even if Steve appeals it that’s where Bucky will have to stay. Will Ciara wait for him still? Would she even want to? Would they let him have conjugal visits?

“All rise.”

The judge enters the courtroom and as soon as he’s seated everyone sits down. The jury files into the room next. This is new.

“Have you reached a verdict?” the judge asks.

“Yes, your honor, we have,” the foreperson says. The bailiff takes something from the juror and hands it to the judge who reads it over silently. You could hear a pin drop in the courtroom right now. Someone coughs and the whole room jumps.

The judge clears his throat.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, you have been found not guilty of the crimes in which you are accused,” the judge announces. Steve rockets out of his chair and pulls Bucky into a bear hug. The lawyers are applauding and slapping everyone on the back. Natasha is hugging Steve and then surprisingly hugs Bucky, too. The judge bangs the gavel trying to regain order.

“Court is adjourned,” he states and gets up.

“All rise!”

Everyone was already standing pretty much to begin with. The judge exits the room and there’s so much noise Bucky can’t hear himself think.

He’s been found not guilty.

“Let’s get out of here!” Natasha has to yell at them in order to be heard. Bucky and Steve nod their heads and the three of them escape the courtroom circus. The protestors are still outside, but they’re catching flack from Bucky’s supporters and they barely notice him as he, Steve, and Natasha get into her car.

“Where are we going, Nat?” Steve asks. Bucky is trying to peel the jacket off in the tiny backseat of Nat’s Audi.

“Your place. Here,” Natasha says handing something over the seat to Bucky. “This is for you.”

It’s a leather portfolio.

“Open it, Buck,” Steve tells him. Bucky grunts and unzips the portfolio. He starts pulling out paperwork all detailing employment with the Avengers.

“What the hell…”

“Should you accept it, we can use you and your skills, Buck,” Natasha explains as she whips around traffic.

“I had this put together for a while, Buck. There’s not much you’ll be able to get right off the bat and if you just want to work as a desk jockey--”

“You got me a job, kid,” Bucky says quietly. “How did you get this past Stark?”

“Pepper. And a long overdue talk between he and Steve,” Natasha explains.

“I can’t expect you to get your own place if you can’t pay for it,” Steve says trying to play off how big of a deal this is to Bucky.

“We’re also working on getting you your military pension back,” Natasha says. “Back pay won’t happen because of what happened - god that’s redundant - but we can try for your pension.”

“Thank you,” Bucky says hoarsely. He doesn’t know what else to say.

“You can thank me by making me the godfather of your kids.”

“Here we go with this shit again,” Bucky says, a smile slowly creeping across his face.

“How about he gets his own place first so we can have yours to ourselves again?” Natasha says feistily.

“And you said it was because you didn’t want to hear Ciara and I, punk,” Bucky says taunting Steve a little. He sees Steve poke Natasha in the ribs and she swats at him, both of them smiling stupidly at each other. He wonders if that’s how he and Ciara will look at each other.

 


	28. Planning For The Future Can Be Frustrating

Bucky sits on the couch looking at the portfolio of paperwork he was given by Natasha. He’ll be getting a salary. He’ll be able to take care of Ciara and - god willing - their children. 

He smiles at that thought, remembering that one piece of his dream where he had come home to her being super pregnant and so excited to see him. He wonders if their first would be a little boy or a little daddy’s girl. 

“What are you thinking about, Buck?” Steve asks as he tosses him a beer. 

“Ciara.”

“I should have known,” Steve says with a laugh. “You are head over heels for this girl.”

“I’m aware, Steve. Thank you for pointing out the obvious.”

Natasha laughs at them. 

“I think that may be why he wants to marry her,” Natasha teases Steve. “Just a guess.”

Steve gives her a bemused look and Bucky grins. 

“Are you going to call Shuri to check on her?” Steve asks as he tries to grab Natasha. She’s too quick and ducks his grasp then laughs at him some more.

“That was my plan...how much is this place?” He asks Steve as the realization starts to settle on him that maybe he  _ won’t  _ be making enough to support himself much less the new family he so desperately wants with Ciara. 

“Just shy of $4500 a month, which is just…” Steve shakes his head. 

“This isn’t the forties, guys, and NYC isn’t cheap,” Natasha says calmly. She’s clearly used to these prices whereas Bucky is not. Steve seemingly isn’t pleased either.

Bucky rubs his jaw roughly. 

“What are you worried about?” Steve asks taking the paper from Bucky’s hand. 

“I wasn’t finished with that, punk.”

“It’s your salary,” he says showing Natasha. “He should be good with this?”

“What kind of place are you looking for, Barnes? A farmhouse like Clint has or just an apartment for you and Ciara or something else entirely?” Natasha asks. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what she wants,” Bucky admit. “Hell, I don’t even know how she’s doing.”

His shoulders slump. He misses her so much. 

“Why don’t you try calling Shuri now?” Steve asks. 

“Because it’s some god awful time of day over there,” Bucky replies taking the paper back from him. He looks at the date on the top of the page. It was printed yesterday the 13th. Tomorrow would be the 15th. 

“Want to come get something to eat with us?” Steve asks. Natasha is poking him in the ribs and he’s trying to catch her hand to get her to stop. 

“Maybe I need to go out. You two…”

“Oh don’t give me that shit, Buck,” Steve snorts. “I’ve been witness to the mess that is you and Ciara.”

“Mess?” Bucky questions. 

“You get what you deserve now, Rogers,” Natasha says patting his arm. 

“Sappy,” Steve persists. 

“As opposed to what? You two playing cat and mouse? Go put on a rubber suit, Nat, he’s in need of a spanking.”

“BUCK!” Steve yells. Natasha gives Steve a none to pleased look.

“Really?” She asks placing her hands on her hips and impatiently waiting for a response. 

“I’ll leave. I need some air. Hopefully, no one hits me with a fucking rock again,” he says putting the paperwork away. 

“Hat and shades,” Natasha advises. “And you, Captain Rogers, are in deep shit right now.”

Steve smirks. Bucky goes to his room to change, grabs a ball cap and a pair of sunglasses then heads out. Just in time because Steve looked like he was going to pin Nat to the wall and possibly put her through it. 

He shudders at that thought. She’s a good looking dame, but she’s not Ciara. He wants Ciara. He wants to be able to walk into their place, scoop her up and just have his way with her. She might not like that, though. She might want to have her way with him.

That brings a huge smile to Bucky’s face as he walks. He’s only ever had her once and he’s aching to touch her again and have her touch him. 

He orders food from the bar and finds a quiet table to sit at away from everyone. He keeps thinking about tomorrow. It’s the 15th. 

It finally hits him why that date is important. That was the day he made Ciara promise to meet him at the Pavilion. That was their date to try and find each other as soon as he was granted leave so they could get married. She was supposed to hold onto his dog tag and he was going to get her a ring…

He has the dog tag now. Clint gave it back to him. She had given it to Clint to keep safe when she came back from her trip to see him in the past. He keeps the dog tag in his wallet now. So in the most off wall way she did give it back to him. Now he has to get her a ring. 

But when is he going to see her again? When will they finally be able to spend more than a few hours together? 

Bucky looks at his phone. He needs more money. He needs a place of his own so that when Ciara is ready to come home she has a place. He needs to get her a ring. 

He needs to know how she is.

He can’t wait any longer. He finishes up his meal and decides to head back to the apartment. Hopefully, Steve and Nat are done with whatever they’re doing and if not…

“Ugh,” he groans as he heads back outside. He walks swiftly back to the apartment but once he’s outside the door he pauses and listens. The last thing he wants to do is walk in on Steve while he’s balls deep in Natasha. 

When he doesn’t hear anything he opens the door carefully and peers inside. They aren’t in his immediate line of sight so he goes inside and listens carefully. No sounds. So either they passed out or they left. Either way, he’s going to make his call. He goes back to his room, closes the door, and sits on the bed with his legs crossed. He doesn’t want to wake Shuri up, but goddammit he needs to know how Ciara is. It’s killing him. He dials the number and waits. 

The line rings and rings and rings and rings. He’s starting to worry. 

“Sergeant Barnes,” a very sleepy Shuri says.

“Shuri,” Bucky sighs in relief. “I’m sorry if I woke you…”

“Can I call you later?” She asks tiredly. He feels like shit for disturbing the girl now. 

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Shuri- -“

“It’s alright. She’s fine, Bucky. Goodnight.” 

Shuri hangs up and Bucky feels only a partial amount of relief. She’s alright. Ciara is still okay and still in cryo. 

He hears the apartment door open and then close a moment later. 

“Steve?”

“Buck.”

Bucky gets off the bed. He has a huge favor to ask of his best friend. 

“Where’s Nat?” Bucky asks as he walks into the living room. 

“She had weapons training. I dropped her off so I can go get her later.”

“If someone ever took a black light to that SUV…” Bucky taunts. Steve just grins. 

“You didn’t come out here to ask me about Natasha, Buck.”

“No...no I didn’t...Steve…I need to get Ciara a ring and I can’t...I can’t get her something nice…” Bucky looks down in shame. 

“I’ll loan you the money. I know you won’t take it as a gift--“

“I won’t. I can’t. You’ve done all this stuff for me, Steve…” 

“Because you have done all kinds of stuff for me, Buck. And I don’t doubt for an instant you still would if the opportunity arose. This is important to you and that means it’s important to me.”

Bucky can’t bring himself to look at Steve. He feels Steve put his arm over his shoulders.

“You love her, Buck. She loves you. This is part of you getting your life back together. I want to help.”

“Thanks, kid,” Bucky says quietly. “Thank you for all of this,” he says finally looking up. 

“You better find your own place.”

“Goddammit, Steve,” Bucky grumbles and then laughs.

 


	29. Progressing Towards A New Life

Bucky has been searching online for over an hour looking for the perfect ring design for Ciara. Steve has asked obvious questions about what Ciara likes and the more he asks the worse Bucky feels because he genuinely does not know what she likes or much of anything about his girl. That has to change. The flip side of that is that she’s going to have to get to know him. He’s bringing all of his baggage to this relationship. Everything he’s been through, all he’s still struggling with...is she going to be able to cope with this? What if she can’t? What if she doesn’t want to? How will they cope? He doesn’t want to lose her. Not again. Not anymore. He loves her. He’s bound to her and her absence cuts him deeper than any wound. 

“I have to go get Nat. You want the place to yourself tonight? Will you be okay?” Steve asks. He always checks. Sometimes it makes Bucky feel like Steve’s treating him like a baby, sometimes he’s thankful Steve asks even if he won’t tell Steve he doesn’t want to be left alone. Those times are few and far between, though, and Steve is usually pretty good at picking up on Bucky’s moods.

“I’m good.”

“Hold on,” Steve says disappearing back towards the bedrooms. He comes back a few moments later and hands Bucky a wad of cash.

“The hell?” Bucky demands. 

“There’s like three grand there. It’s a start for her ring.”

“Thanks, kid,” Bucky says with all humility.

“Best man. Godfather. Don’t forget,” Steve says jokingly. “I’ll be back for our run tomorrow. If you need me, call.”

Bucky nods in acknowledgment and Steve leaves. Bucky goes back to trying to find a flawless ring for Ciara while battling with his thoughts about how they’ll get along or if they’ll get along. 

After another hour of trying to ignore his thoughts, he decides to switch tactics. He needs a place to live. Regardless of what happens between he and Ciara, he can’t keep mooching off of Steve. He opens up a different browser tab and searches for apartments. He wants to stay close to the tower and if nothing else at least close to Steve. 

This proves frustrating as well because of the costs involved and a lot of the places that he’s deemed  _ reasonable _ are only slightly bigger than the living room where he currently sits. And he’s right back to what would Ciara like? Where would she be most comfortable? Do they need one bedroom or two or three? Will she want a pet? 

“Yeah, a fucking iguana,” he growls to himself as he watches the Geico lizard on the TV for the five hundredth time. He’d buy her one if she wanted it. He wouldn’t argue. If it makes Ciara smile that’s all that matters. 

“Fucking iguana.”

He calls Steve.

“That was fast,” he says when he picks up.

“I don’t need you to come back. I just need to know who you pay rent to. Maybe they have something else close by.”

“You gave up looking for a ring?”

“Don’t give up on the ring!” Natasha yells in the background. 

“It’s bothering me and I need my own place. When do I start getting paid? Do you know?”

“When does he start getting paid?” Steve asks.

“He needs a bank account. So do you--“

“Ow!”

“Jesus Christ...that doesn’t answer the question,” Bucky says trying not to laugh. She can hear Nat attacking Steve because the phone keeps getting shuffled. 

“Ow! Ow! Dammit!” Steve growls. “Get off of me and answer his question!”

“Give me the damn phone!”

Bucky rolls his eyes and laughs. She’s what Steve needs and apparently, Steve is what she needs. 

“Buck, go open a bank account somewhere. I don’t care where. They’ll direct deposit your pay into your account instead of having to mail you a goddamn check. It takes less time. All this is in that portfolio. You’ll get paid as soon as you go see Hill at the tower,” Natasha explains. He hears Steve chuckle and Natasha growl. 

“We’re done here,” Bucky says. “Holy shit, you two.”

“Bye, Buck!” Natasha calls out. Steve must have the phone again.

“Are you good?” Steve asks. 

“Yup. Go play with your Hellcat,” he says hanging up and laughing. He grabs the portfolio from his room and goes over all the paperwork. His phone buzzes. It’s a text from Steve with the name of the property management group for this building and then there’s a text from Natasha with a list of banks and a message saying to go see Maria now. He shrugs and decides that’s for the best because he can’t do anything else till he does. 

He heads out, hails a cab and heads to the tower. He’s nervous. He’s not sure how he’ll be received without Steve as the buffer. 

He’s dropped off and heads inside. He crosses paths with Clint almost immediately.

“Barnes.”

“Barton.”

“What brings you to the resident nuthouse?” 

“I need to see someone named Hill,” Bucky tells him. 

“Maria. Yeah, probably to get you on payroll since they won’t let you work as a stripper.”

“What?”

Clint laughs. 

“Just a joke. Come on, I’ll take you to her.”

Bucky furrows his brow and follows Clint. 

“You need to lighten up a little, Buck. You got through that nightmare trial, you’re getting your shit together, and you’ve got a beautiful girl who would die for you.”

“Sounds like you’re a little jealous, Barton,” Bucky states. 

“Was. Maybe still am. I can’t hold a candle to you, Barnes. She lights up when someone says your name. No one else can make her do that.”

“You are jealous.”

Clint shrugs as he leads Bucky to a line of elevators. They step inside and Clint enters a code. 

“Welcome, Agent Barton. What floor?” the mechanized voice asks. 

“Sublevel four,” he responds. The elevator dings and the doors close. Bucky is impressed by the upgrades elevators get these days. 

Bucky debates for a moment on asking Clint what Ciara likes but quickly decides against it. He wants to find out for himself. 

“She’s been trained to take care of herself, but given what we do and who we are you may want to keep her up on her sparring,” Clint says quietly. “I did what I could with the time that I had.”

“Like teaching her how to shoot a bow and arrow by standing right up against her with your face a breath away from her neck?” Bucky asks coldly. Why this memory - this particular image - decided to display itself now is a mystery, but it’s here and the jealousy it stirred up once before comes boiling back to life. 

Clint says nothing, just looks at Bucky evenly. 

“I’m not stupid enough to feed into your jealous bullshit,” he says finally. “If you don’t realize that she’s yours, that she only sees and wants you than you don’t deserve her,” he says pressing a button on the elevator. “Hill’s office is the last one on the left,” he says as the doors open and the mechanical voice asks if they should resume going to sublevel four.

“Yes,” Bucky says as the doors close. Clint doesn’t even turn around, he just walks away. Bucky is fuming inside now. Mostly at himself for opening his goddamn mouth, but partially at Clint for trying to tell him he doesn’t deserve Ciara. 

The elevator doors open again and Bucky steps off while the mechanical voice is still talking. He finds Hill’s office and knocks. 

 


	30. The Dog Tag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I haven't decided if this is where I should end this or not. We'll see.

Bucky sits on the recliner looking at his watch. It’s after six and Steve still isn’t back. He said he’d be back for their morning run through Central Park, but he’s not here. Did he get called for a mission? No. No, because Steve would have sent him a text or called to let him know. 

He’s about to call Steve when he finally walks through the door. 

“Get changed. We’re needed somewhere,” Steve says quickly. 

“What? We’re going for a run?” Bucky is confused. 

“Not today. Well, not right now and it’s doubtful we’ll have a chance to go later. Come on, man, go get cleaned up,” Steve says keeping the urgency in his voice. Bucky furrows his brow and gives Steve a questioning look. 

“What’s going on? Where are we going?” Bucky asks. He doesn’t like not knowing. He’s had enough of that over the past almost century. 

“Just...you have to trust me when I tell you I don’t have time to explain why I don’t have time to explain. Fast shower, get dressed, make yourself presentable--”

Bucky sits back in the recliner, folds his arms over his chest and looks at Steve in defiance. 

“No.”

“Are you serious?” Steve demands. 

“What is going on?” Bucky asks. He enunciates each word slowly for effect. Steve isn’t budging on this. 

“Then sit here, Buck. I have to go. I wanted you to come along, but this is your choice,” Stev says turning to leave. Bucky wants to know what the hell is going on and obviously the only way to find out is to give in to Steve and just go along for the ride.

“Fine. Give me twenty minutes,” he says getting up slowly. 

“You have ten. I can’t wait--”

“You should have called me and at least given me a heads up!” Bucky snaps. He immediately recoils when he sees the look on Steve’s face. 

“I didn’t have a chance. I just found out. I’m not arguing with you. Ten minutes and then I’m gone.”

“Steve, I’m sorry--”

“Save it,” Steve says harshly. Bucky flinches and then skulks back to the bathroom to get cleaned up as quickly as possible. Steve’s treating him like a wayward child, he’s not telling him what’s going on, Bucky snapped at him, Steve snapped back...what the fuck? What is so goddamn important that Steve can’t tell Bucky what it is? Why is he getting so angry at his best friend? 

He makes quick work of getting cleaned up and getting dressed. He heads to the living room to find Steve leaned against the door with his arms folded over his chest. 

“Steve, I’m sorry about earlier…” he starts to say. Steve shakes his head.

“Let it go. Come on,” he says opening the door. 

“Gear?”

Steve pauses. 

“Go grab your stuff,” he tells him. Bucky runs back to his room, grabs his gear and runs back. 

“What about yours?”

“In the Durango already. Come on, Buck, trust me a little,” Steve says softly. Bucky nods his head and they head to the garage. 

“Did you call Shuri last night?” Steve asks as they head out. 

“I called her when I got back yesterday. I woke her up and I didn’t mean to. She says Ciara is okay and she would call me later,” Bucky relays. Steve nods. 

“Has she called?”

“Not yet. If I don’t hear anything I’ll call her late tonight.”

“Did you find a ring?”

“No. Goddammit,” he grumbles. “There are so many designs and different types of gems and metals. I don’t even know what she’d like, Steve.”

“Go with your gut,” Steve says as if it’s just a simple thing.

“I don’t think you appreciate the insanity that is the engagement business now.”

“I’ve seen the ads on TV, Buck. I’m well aware of how crazy it is. That’s why I told you to go with your gut. You know you love her, you know she’s going to get better--”

“Do I, though? I mean she’s still in cryo. Shuri hasn’t tested the antidote on her yet and if she has she hasn’t said anything to me about it.”

“You would doubt Shuri’s ability to work miracles?” Steve asks playfully. He’s grinning. Something is up.

“Steve, spill it. What do you know?”

“Just what you told me. You called Shuri, Ciara is in cryo, you’ll call her later. All I’m saying is that Shuri was able to help you and it sounds like she’s found a way to help Ciara. It’s only a matter of time.”

Bucky studies Steve for a moment. There’s more to it, but after the blow up a little while ago he’s not going to push the issue. Instead, he looks out the window at the passing scenery. It’s way too familiar.

“Steve?”

“We’re almost there.”

“Where? Where are we going because this looks an awful lot like the way to the Pavilion.”

Steve doesn’t answer. 

“Steve.”

“We’re going to the Pavilion, Buck.”

“I can see that, Steve. Why? What the hell is the point of Ciara is still in cryo in fucking Wakanda?”

“What’s today?”

“I know what today is, Steve. Jesus Christ! I’m the one who made her promise to meet me on the…” Bucky stops talking. Steve pulls up to an empty part of the Pavilion and puts it in park. 

“Go find your girl, Buck. She’s waiting for you.”

Bucky jumps from the Durango and runs toward the end of the Pavilion as fast as he can. He gets there and it’s vacant. No one is there. All that remains are the shells of the changing booths from that night so long ago. His heart sinks. This is a cruel joke Steve played. Beyond cruel. 

He walks slowly over to the changing booths, his heart aching so badly in his chest it feels like he can’t breathe. He reaches out to touch the rotted woodwork on the changing booth door. 

“I wouldn’t. Even super soldiers can get Tetanus.”

He would know that voice anywhere. 

“Ciara?”

He turns around slowly and she’s standing there, her deep red hair much longer than the last time, a smile on her pretty pink lips, her eyes sparkling. He doesn’t say anything he just runs to her and sweeps her up into his arms. 

“I missed you, too,” she whispers as she puts her arms around him. 

“You remembered,” he says softly, “you came back.”

“I promised I would, baby.”

He puts her down and cups her face. She gives him the most magnificent smile. She’s not pale anymore, the dark circles under her eyes are gone. She’s positively radiant looking. 

“Are you going to kiss me or just stare at me?” she teases. Bucky grins and presses his lips to hers. She puts her arms around him and deepens their kiss. 

“I see you two found each other.” 

Bucky and Ciara let go and he sees Shuri walking over with Steve, T’Challa, Nakia, and Okoye. Shuri is clearly pleased with herself. 

“When did you get here?” he asks. 

“Oh, last night. Pretty good act don’t you think?” Shuri asks. Bucky looks at her and then at Ciara. 

“She made me wait. She knew about today and said it’s only fitting. I was climbing the walls last night at the hotel. She threatened to have Okoye hit me in the head with her spear,” Ciara explains. Bucky’s mind is reeling. She’s been here for almost twelve hours. She’s out of cryo. She’s here, with him…

He kisses her again and then presses his head to hers. 

“You’re out for good now? I’m not letting you go again, Ciara. I can’t.”

“Out for good. Thank god,” Ciara confirms. 

“There are some things we need to discuss, though,” Shuri adds. 

“Preferably over breakfast,” Nakia says. 

“That would be nice,” T’Challa laughs. “Come, I’ve reserved a banquet room at the hotel for us.”

“I’ll take the two love birds. We’ll meet you there,” Steve says. T’Challa nods in agreement and they head back to their vehicles. Bucky climbs into the back with Ciara. 

“How are you feeling, doll?” Bucky asks as she buckles her seat belt. Steve looks in the rearview waiting for her reply. 

“Better. Still a little groggy, but that’s jet lag and from being in cryo I guess.”

“Shuri was able to get whatever they did to you out?” Steve asks as he starts to drive. 

“Yeah...about that…”

“Ciara, are you still in danger? Is this just a temporary thing...for the wedding?” Bucky asks. His world is suddenly teetering on the edge now. Her smile makes his head swim. 

“I’m not going to die, Buck. At least not from that fucking serum,” she says gently. She reaches for his face and he takes her hand and presses it to his cheek. He’s beyond relieved to hear this. 

“Does this mean I can spend more than three hours with you now?”

She laughs and his heart skips a beat. 

“If you want to. I’d like that, Buck.” 

Her eyes drop and she looks worried suddenly. He glances up and sees Steve watching them in the rearview also looking concerned. 

He lifts her chin and tilts his head. 

“Don’t make that face, beautiful. Smile for me. I want to see you smile. What’s wrong?” he asks. He’ll go to Hell if she tells him she wants one of the Devil’s horns just so long as she smiles. 

“I don’t have the dog tag anymore, Buck. I haven’t had it...I had to get rid of it to keep you safe. I’m so sorry. Baby, I am so sorry!” she’s frantic about this, tears shining in her stormy eyes. Bucky gives her his best grin and confuses her just like the day they met. He takes her hands and kisses them and then lets her go. He digs his wallet out of his back pocket and pulls out the dog tag. The tears fall but she’s not upset she’s surprised. 

“Barton gave it to me the day they took you out of cryo and flew you to Germany,” Bucky explains. 

“Archer,” she mumbles. 

“Archer?” he and Steve question. She grins a little. 

“Clint. He gave this to you?”

“He did. Then he explained what had happened. Now it’s back where it belongs. For the moment,” Bucky tells her. He places the dog tag in her hand and closes her fingers around it. 

“I’m still getting you a ring--”

“Bucky...don’t. I don’t expect you to hold that promise,” she says softly.

“I want to, Ciara. I’ve waited a lifetime for you, to be with you. That hasn’t changed. I will get you the ring...if you still want it.” He hopes she does. He wants to marry her. He wants to rebuild his life with her. 

“You know I do,” she replies. 

“Then you hold this, just like we talked about. I will get you a ring and we’ll get married--”

“In Wakanda apparently. With the entire nation presiding,” she says and then smiles as she wipes stray tears from her eyes. He runs his thumb over her cheek. 

“Wherever you want, doll.”

 


	31. Alone Time

“Have you told him anything?” Shuri asks as she stabs a pancake. Ciara nods her head no. 

“I know he’s going to have questions and so will Steve. Besides, you tell it so much better than I can,” Ciara says with a hint of playfulness.

“Tell us what?” Bucky asks worriedly. “You said you were okay--”

“She is,” Shuri says quickly. 

“I am,” Ciara says taking Bucky’s hand and entwining her fingers with his. He curls his fingers around hers tightly, his blue eyes flashing with worry and fear. 

“It’s best that you explain,” T’Challa says nudging Shuri. She gives him a look and then takes another bite of pancake. 

“She’s fine,” Shuri begins. “Better than fine. With the serum that Agent Barton found and the drop of whatever it was that shitbag--”

_ “Shuri!” _ T’Challa scolds her. She rolls her eyes. 

“Anyway, I was able to offset the serum she has. She’s a little like you two now,” Shuri says looking at Steve and then at Bucky. 

“A little,” Okoye scoffs. 

“She pushed an armored truck out of the road by herself,” Nakia adds. Ciara feels the heat on her face at being called out. Steve and Bucky look mildly amused. 

“The serum I created to stop what that... _ man _ …had put into her essentially transformed it into a super soldier serum. That wasn’t my goal, but that’s what happened.”

“You’re a super soldier, doll?” Bucky asks, the hint of a smile on his lips. She would kiss those lips forever. He licks his lips and heat erupts in her belly and spreads like a wildfire. 

“No,” she says trying to ignore her carnal desires. 

“Yes,” Okoye argues.

“Sort of,” Shuri says. “She’s not as powerful as you or Captain Rogers, Bucky, but she’s a lot stronger than the average human. She is at one hundred and fifty percent.”

“Hundred and ten max,” Ciara counters as she bites the end off of a breakfast sausage. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Bucky whose eyes widen momentarily. 

“So you’re healthy now? No more bullshit? No more cryo, right?” Bucky asks as she finishes off the sausage. 

“So she says.”

“I need to separate them,” T’Challa adds. “The amount of sass I get from this one is bad enough. Now she’s learned how to be even worse from this one,” he says pointing to Ciara. Ciara looks up in shock. 

“I did not teach Shuri anything she didn’t already know,” Ciara states flatly. “She was like this when I woke up.”

Shuri finds this overly amusing. 

“You can’t keep blaming people for me,” she sings to T’Challa. 

“That. That right there. I’ve heard you do that to her and now she does it to me,” T’Challa argues. Steve is trying not to laugh, Bucky is already laughing and Ciara is pretty sure she’s going to be banned from Wakanda now. 

“You’re going to get uninvited to this wedding because you got me banned from Wakanda,” Ciara warns Shuri. Shuri feigns shock. 

“We will be heading back to Wakanda tomorrow, but my offer still stands, you are welcome to have your wedding there,” T’Challa says. “We would be honored to host it.”

“Thank you,” Ciara says. She’s genuinely thankful for the offer.

“I’m sure you and Sergeant Barnes want to spend time together,” T’Challa continues. “Let us know how we can help with the wedding.”

T’Challa wipes his mouth and stands up followed by Okoye, Nakia, and finally Shuri. Ciara, Bucky, and Steve stand up as well. Hands are shaken and Shuri hugs Ciara and Bucky briefly. 

“Thank you for everything,” Ciara says softly as she and Shuri hug. Shuri lets her go and smiles.

“I expect to be IN the wedding. You know that,” she tells Ciara. 

“It’s only the umpteenth time you’ve told me,” Ciara remarks. 

“You’ve been in cryo for a long time. Your brain is still frosty,” Shuri says like it’s a fact. 

“Did you bust his balls like this?”

“No. I woke him up to go beat the shit out of some assholes--”

_ “SHURI!” _

“Language,” Ciara whispers to her. Shuri gives her a scathing look.

“Thank you. Thank you both for what you’ve done for us,” Bucky says placing his hand over his heart showing his sincerity. T’Challa lowers his head slightly and smiles. 

“Thank you for everything,” Steve says taking his turn.

“Take care of them, Captain Rogers,” T’Challa says. 

“I will. Come on you two,” Steve says leading Ciara and Bucky out. They go back to the SUV. Once outside Bucky stops them. He looks nervously at Steve and then at Ciara and then back at Steve. Ciara tilts her head. 

“Bucky?” She knows he’s fixated on something in his head right now. Based on the look on Steve’s face he has at least some inkling of what’s going on with Bucky. 

“Ciara...I don’t have anyplace for us...I don’t...I’m staying with Steve. It’s not just the ring I don’t have...goddammit,” he mutters. He’s beating himself up over this. 

“You’re more than welcome to stay at the apartment, Ciara,” Steve says stepping in trying to help Bucky out. Bucky shakes his head angrily. 

“I should have had all this ready for when you came home, Ciara. I should have been more prepared--”

“Bucky, you didn’t even know I was out of cryo until a couple of hours ago--”

“Then there was the trial and everything else going on, Buck. You’re getting yourself situated. Calm down. We’ll figure this out,” Steve promises him. Bucky isn’t buying it, his face reads shame and anger. Ciara places her hand on his face and tries to get him to look at her. He gives her a dejected sigh. 

“Did you think it was going to be all roses and cake when we got back together?” she asks. He doesn’t answer. Steve nods his head towards the SUV and pats Bucky on the back a few times.

“Come on, we can discuss this back at the apartment. Or you two can. I’ll leave you alone. Until tonight. Nat’s going to want to come by and I know Clint is going to want to see you, Ciara.”

At the mention of Clint’s name Bucky’s eyes darken and he scowls. 

“Stop,” Ciara says softly as she caresses his face. “Who am I standing with right now?” 

His face lightens up immediately and a smile slowly appears. 

“Me.”

“Who did I meet at the Pavilion?” she continues. His smile broadens. Even Steve is smiling, seemingly pleased to see that she’s able to get through to Bucky like this. 

“Me.”

“Yeah. Not Clint. Not Steve. You were the one I was fussing about the entire time. You were the one I asked about seeing as soon as she woke me up. Both times,” Ciara tells him. He puts his arms around her waist and pulls her closer. 

“I’ve waited so long,” he says quietly. “I’ve missed you. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me, Buck. I don’t want to go anywhere without you.”

He kisses her and holds her tightly. 

“This is all very touching but can we take this back to the apartment?” Steve asks. Bucky opens the rear passenger side door and lets Ciara get in first. He follows and Steve drives them to the apartment. 

The get inside and Bucky is back to being nervous and ashamed. 

“Talk to him. He’s been trying to sort this out but with the trial and all this other shit that’s happened…” Steve whispers to her. Ciara nods. 

“I will.”

“Buck, I’m going over to Natasha’s. You and Ciara have the place to yourselves for a while. Do not break my shit, man. No blacklights,” Steve warns. Bucky snorts and then laughs at him. 

“Wow, Steve,” Ciara says surprised by the crass remark. Steve grins and winks at her. 

“You know when I come back Nat and Clint will be with me so...yeah...see you two later,” he says with a dirty smirk. Bucky shakes his head at him, Steve laughs and leaves the apartment again. Ciara and Bucky just look at each other for a moment. He’s still nervous. He’s still upset. That’s the last thing she wants him to feel right now. She can think of a few things she’d rather have him feel…

She licks her lips and his eyes widen. She smiles coyly. 

“It’s been a long time since you and I have been alone, doll.”

“Too long, handsome. Way too long,” she agrees. He runs his thumb over her lower lip. She runs her hands down over his chest, the feel of his muscles under her fingers rekindling that fire from earlier. 

“I don’t look the same now, baby,” he says softly, almost apologetically. 

“It doesn’t matter, Buck. I just want you,” she purrs just before pressing her lips to that spot where his jaw hinges. He moans softly and slides his hands to her ass and squeezes. She kisses just under his earlobe and then works her way down his neck, breathing in his scent, fueling that fire inside her. 

“Ciara,” he moans in that same soft tone. He pulls at her shirt now lifting it over her head and then tossing it to the floor next to them. His presses his lips forcefully to hers and kisses her hungrily. 

“Goddamn, Ciara...they’re still as perfect as I remember,” he whispers as he cups her breasts. Ciara smiles and tugs on his shirt. She’s dying to run her hands over his bare chest. He doesn’t give her the chance.

“Bedroom. Let’s go,” he says picking her up and carrying her back to his room. As soon as he puts her on the bed he pulls his shirt off. He hesitates for a moment, looking at her for approval and that she’s still interested. 

“Come here,” she says getting up and beckoning him to her. He drops his shirt and closes the small gap between them. She places her hands on his chest and runs them down over his pecs to his abs slowly. He’s smooth now, not like their first time when there was that fine amount of chest hair and that thin line of dark hair that led the way from just below his navel to his cock. She can feel the heat she’s causing radiate off of him. She looks up at him barely able to contain herself at this point. She’s mad with desire. He presses his lips to hers again as she fights to get his belt undone and then hastily works on pulling his jeans down over his hips. Bucky is tearing at her jeans and finally gets frustrated enough that he picks her up and drops her on the bed again so he can pull her out of them. 

“Where do you find these lovely pieces?” he asks admiring the bra and panties for a moment. She’s pretty sure he’s about to tear them off so she makes haste and removes the bra while he strips her of her the rest. He tries to climb on top of her after that and she stops him. 

“Ah ah ah,” she says holding him at bay, “you’re still dressed.”

He growls at her and damn near rips his shorts off. She gasps in delight when she sees him in all his glory again. 

“Better?” he asks. She can’t wait any longer and pounces on him. Bucky catches her easily enough and plants her back on the bed, sliding himself between her legs and rubbing his dripping cock against her heat. He mashes his lips to hers again before pushing deep into her making Ciara arch up and sink her nails into his back. He groans and starts to thrust hard and deep into her, moving slowly like he’s deliberately trying to drive her further into her madness for him. But god does he feel so good inside her, his thick cock filling her so perfectly. His mouth travels around her neck and lips and face, kissing softly in some places, nipping in others. He thrusts faster into her and Ciara can feel that wave building inside her. 

“ _ James _ !” she cries out as her eyes clamp shut and the wave crashes over her as she comes. He grunts, slowing enough to let her body relax before starting up again. She can hear his breathing is ragged, his pace is erratic now and she knows he’s close. 

He lets out a long, low groan and she can feel him pulse inside her as he fills her with his seed. 

“Ciara,” he pants as he rests his body on hers. “Oh god, baby…”

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” she whispers to him and then kisses his shoulder. She feels him laugh a little as he pulls out of her. She whimpers unintentionally when they disengage. Bucky props himself up on his arms and smiles lovingly. 

“I will never get tired of hearing you call my name,” he says and then kisses her. 

“Just do what you do, handsome, and I’ll sing your praises every time,” she promises. He beams at her words. 

 


	32. I Don't Know You

Bucky takes Ciara to the bathroom so they can clean up. That was his goal at least. Ciara has other plans. Seeing him strut around naked has her in a tizzy. 

He’s checking the shower temperature for them and she’s marveling at his body. The muscles in his back and arms, the thick muscles of his thighs and calves…

He looks over his shoulder at her and grins.

“See something that strikes your fancy, doll?” he asks playfully. 

“You know damn well that I do.”

“Yeah?” he asks turning around to face her. “Why’s that?”

She smiles. 

“You’re a handsome fella. Any girl would consider herself lucky to be with you.”

He grins and drops his eyes for a moment. She can see he’s blushing just a bit. 

“You still think that, baby? Even with all this?” he says briefly motioning to the prosthetic arm. This upsets her. 

“Why would I think any differently? It wasn’t your left arm I fell in love with, Buck. It was your heart, your soul, those striking blue eyes, that wayward grin…”

The blush deepens on his cheeks and his grin turns to a bright smile. 

“Wayward grin,” he repeats reaching for her hand. She gives it to him and he pulls her closer. 

“You know what I’m talking about. That grin you give that makes all the girls in the tristate area swoon and makes their panties wet.”

He bursts out laughing. She’s startled and jumps because she’s never heard him laugh like that before. 

“Sorry,” he says quickly, keeping her in his arms. She smiles.

“Laugh more for me.”

“What? I can’t do it on command, Ciara.”

“No?” she asks playfully. 

“No,” he says again and runs his fingers across her cheek. “God, you are so beautiful.”

It’s her turn to blush now. He runs his fingers through her hair and kisses her brow.  She runs her fingers lightly over his scars. She sees he’s breathing harder now and looks into his eyes. There is fear there in those blue eyes. 

“I still love you. Nothing that has happened will change that. I have chased you in my dreams, crossed expanses of time...I would die for you, James Barnes. My feelings for you burn deeper and brighter than all the suns in all the universes. This,” she says running her fingers over the cool metal of his arm, “isn’t going to change a goddamn thing.”

He cradles her face in his hands and presses his lips to hers. She presses herself closer to him and seeks out his tongue with her own. She runs her hands over his abs and down to his cock. He moans into their kiss as she strokes him slowly reveling in how his cock stiffens at her touch. She slides a hand down further and tugs on his sack. He breaks their kiss, grabs her thighs, lifts her up and pins her to the wall. She wraps herself around him as he sinks into her, his mouth roaming her neck, his teeth grazing her, his beard rubbing her skin till it’s tender sending her deeper into ecstasy as he thrusts into her. He’s still holding her by her thighs as he pumps, his fingers digging deeper into the muscles of her thighs while holding onto her. 

“Say my name,” he whispers brusquely in her ear. She gasps at the sound, how deep and demanding he is.  “Say it.”

“Bucky,” she pants as he thrusts faster into her.

“Say my name.”

“Bucky...oh god....” she moans as her legs start to shake. He pushes deeper still and she cries out.

_ “James! James!” _

She comes, legs shaking, body trembling. He slows his thrusts again like last time and then she feels him tense and with one last thrust and a quiet moan he comes. He holds her there, head down, both of them panting for a couple of moments. He looks up finally and smiles. 

“You okay, baby?” he asks. He moves his hands so he’s able to pull out and let her slide down to stand on her own two feet. 

“I’m good, handsome,” she says keeping him in her arms. He caresses her face and smiles warmly. She loves the way his eyes shine when he does. He leads her to the shower and puts her under the water. His brow furrows and he looks at his hands.

“Bucky,” she says gently and lifts his chin. 

“I want to wash your hair, beautiful, but…” he laughs uneasily, “I get my own caught in this,” he says flexing his left hand. 

“Then let me do yours and help you with mine,” she suggests. He lights up at the idea. She maneuvers them so that he’s under the shower head now. Watching the water cascade down his hard body sets her on fire. Bucky runs his fingers over his sack and tugs, showing off for her. She raises her eyes and bites her lip. His pupils expand till there’s no blue left. He picks her up and pins her to the shower wall. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbles from her neck. “Don’t keep pushing if you can’t.”

“I want you inside me,” she purrs seductively. He growls low and slides back into her for the third time. 

Till they finish up in the shower it’s almost forty minutes later. Ciara has a towel wrapped around herself as she dries her hair and is casually watching Bucky dry himself off. He catches her watching and gives her that side grin. 

“I missed you,” he says as he wraps the towel around his waist. 

“What did you miss, Buck?”

“You. All of you,” he says eyeing her up. “Is that the serum that’s making you so hot and bothered or is this….”

She laughs. 

“Or is this my normal sexual appetite, voracious as it seems?” 

“I’m not complaining,” he says with a slick smile. “Just asking. There’s a lot I don’t know about you, Ciara.”

As soon as he says this his smile fades. 

“I don’t know anything about you, Buck. All I know is how I feel and that being away from you…”

“You don’t feel like a whole person. You feel incomplete. I feel like that when you’re gone, too,” he says, “but I don’t know you.”

She feels like she’s being put on the defensive suddenly and she’s not sure why. 

“What do you think I know about you?” she asks keeping her voice calm. “I know what HYDRA has or had on you. I know that you’re old enough to be my great grandfather. I know you served in the army in World War Two. That’s it--”

“It’s more than I know about you, Ciara,” he says softly. Now she really is on the defensive. 

“Is this coming up because I’ve fucked you three times since we walked into the apartment or is there something else driving this statement?” she asks a little more sharply than she’d intended. His eyes widen at her tone. 

“Fucked? Is that all that was to you?”

He looks away from her and shakes his head. 

“You’re not who I thought you were.”

She knows he had meant to say it so she didn’t hear it, but she did hear it and his words go straight to her heart. There are a million things she wants to say to counter that statement, a million things she wants to say to wound him like he just did to her, but she chooses silence. She walks out of the bathroom to get her clothes. 

“Ciara,” he calls. Based on the tone of his voice he realizes now she heard what he said and he regrets it. She shuts the bedroom door in his face hoping he’ll get the hint and stay out. He does, but it doesn’t stop him from knocking on the door to get her attention. 

“Ciara, I didn’t mean it. I don’t know why I said it. Baby, I’m sorry…”

The anger and hurt are at a boiling point in her right now. She knows if she says anything that whatever they were will disintegrate. She bites her tongue and fights back the tears as she gets dressed quickly. 

“Ciara.”

The door is opening slowly. She won’t stop him. It’s his room. It’s Steve’s apartment. She doesn’t belong here. 

“Ciara, say something. I’m sorry! I didn’t - you weren’t supposed to hear that. I shouldn’t have said it! I didn’t mean...wait a minute!” he yells reaching for her as she steps past him with her bag. “Ciara! Wait!” he orders. He grabs her arm and she yanks herself free. He steps back in surprise. Maybe he forgot she’s running a version of the serum. Maybe he didn’t think she’d break free from him. It doesn’t matter. 

“Ciara!”

“Stop,” she says in a low, firm voice. “I’m not who you thought I was. I’m not the person you want me to be.”

She walks out of the apartment as he yells for her to come back. She takes the elevator down to the lobby and steps outside. She’s alone in New York, no job, no money, no place to go. She doesn’t even have a phone. 

She stops someone as they walk past. 

“Excuse me. Hi. Can you tell me how to get to Stark Tower?”

“You’re like five blocks away. Call a cab,” the person says walking off. 

“Just head that way for a few blocks and you’ll see the signs. You should maybe call a cab, though,” another more congenial person says. 

“My wallet was stolen and I have a friend who works in the building,” she lies. “But thank you.”

She walks off in the direction they pointed. 


	33. Trying To Fix The Mistakes

Bucky is frantically pulling clothes on to go after Ciara. He can’t believe he said what he did. He can’t believe that she took it so hard. He can’t believe she walked out. He can’t believe any of this.

“Steve,” he says as soon as Steve picks up, “she left. I don’t know where she’s going but--”

“Slow down! What happened?” Steve demands. 

“I said something really fucking stupid and she took it to heart and she’s gone and I need to find her,” Bucky says rushing out of the apartment. 

“What the hell did you say? Where did she go?”

“It doesn’t matter what I said and I don’t know where she went!”

“Why did you let her leave?”

“I was in nothing but a towel when she walked out, Steve--”

There’s amused chuckling. Bucky is panicked, pissed, hurt, scared….Steve laughing is the  _ last  _ thing he needs right now. He hangs up and Steve calls right back.

“You need to calm down,” Steve chides him. “How long ago did she leave?”

“Three minutes.”

“I’ll let the others know. You’re going to tell me what happened, though, right?”

“No.”

“Buck. I can’t help you fix this if I don’t know what the hell happened.”

“Not over the phone and not in front of the others,” Bucky relents. 

“Fine. Let me get Nat and Clint to see if we can find her. Do you have any idea where she might go?”

“I don’t know anything about her, Steve, so no.”

There’s silence. 

“You didn’t say that to her...did you?” Steve asks gently. Bucky swallows the lump in his throat. 

“Dammit,” Steve sighs. “I’m coming to get you. Stay put--”

“I have to find her,” Bucky interjects. 

“Buck...do you really want a confrontation with her in public?”

“No,” Bucky says quietly. He slows his frantic pace and then parks himself on a bench. “I’m in front of Murray’s Drugstore.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Steve promises before he hangs up. 

Bucky looks up and down the street hoping to see Ciara. He can’t believe this happened. How could he be so goddamn stupid as to say something like that out loud? After all the shit they’ve gone through to try and find one another he has to do some dumb shit…

Steve said he was going to get Clint to help find her. Clint’s going to be the hero now. Clint will be the one that holds her and soothes her. Clint will win her over finally. Bucky’s stupidity just cost him the girl of his dreams.

Steve pulls up as promised a few minutes later.

“Get in.”

“Steve--”

“You have pined for this girl for years, Buck.  _ Years _ . You told me you were going to marry her. You’ve been looking at rings. What the hell made you tell her you don’t know her?” Steve demands. 

“I don’t know anything about her. I told her I don’t know anything about her, she said she only knows what HYDRA has on me. I told her that was more than I knew about her. She got mad. She asked if this was coming from the fact that we’d... _ fucked _ as she said or if it was something else. That’s when I said...that’s when I told her she isn’t who I thought she was.”

“You don’t know anything about each other, Buck. All you know is that you’re madly in love with this girl and according to Clint she feels the same about you. Are you going to tell me that you’re not willing to get to know her because she’s not meeting this expectation you made her up to be?” Steve asks. 

Bucky moves his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. 

Steve’s phone rings. 

“Answer call,” he says to the AI inside the SUV. 

“Steve?” It’s Clint’s voice Bucky hears and his heart sinks.

“Yeah.”

“She’s here. She found her way to the tower. She’s pi--Is Barnes with you?” he asks stopping himself. 

“He is.”

“Maybe keep him with you for a while.”

“Is she with you?” Bucky asks. “Is she there with you? Let me talk to her.”

You can hear Clint cover his phone and some muffled sounds, but no telltale voices. 

“No, Barnes. She’s locked herself down. Give her time.”

“Is she with you--”

“Buck!” Steve barks. Bucky jumps a little. 

“Right now, yes, she is with me,” Clint answers. “But I’m putting her in one of the apartments here in the tower. Once she starts talking again.”

Bucky hears Ciara tell Clint to fuck off. 

“Please let me talk to her, Clint,” Bucky pleads. 

“No,” Clint states.

“I’m on my way back with Buck. You can’t keep them separated, Clint,” Steve advises. 

“This wasn’t my decision, Steve, this was hers,” Clint tells him. 

“We’ll figure it out when we get there,” Steve says with a sigh.

“Copy that,” Clint says and then the call disconnects. 

“He won’t let her talk to me,” Bucky fumes. 

“No. She doesn’t  _ want _ to talk to you, Buck. At least not right now. That was a really shitty thing to say to her--”

“Do you think I don’t know that?!” 

“Bucky,” Steve warns. Bucky sighs shakily. 

“I’m sorry, Steve. I know I made a mistake.”

“Let me ask you this,” Steve says as they pull into the parking garage, “do you  _ want _ to get to know her?”

Bucky knows he should be offended by the question, but he finds that he’s not. 

“Yes,” he answers simply. “I want to get to know her. I want her to get to know me. I want her to be able to decide if she still wants to pursue this…”

“Do you?”

“Do I what? Want to pursue this with Ciara?”

“Yeah,” Steve says as they exit the SUV. “Do you want to get to know her and see what happens?”

Bucky stops and gives Steve a look. 

“Yes.”

Steve nods and they head inside. Natasha meets them on the floor where the suites are. 

“Fury wants to meet with her,” she says before Steve can kiss her. 

“Why?” Bucky and Steve ask together. 

“Stereo. Scary. Because of what she knows and what she’s been through. What happened?” she asks directing the question to Bucky. Bucky’s not having it.

“I don’t want her running around getting shot at,” he says bluntly. 

“It’s not up to you, Barnes,” Natasha says calmly. “It’s her choice.”

Bucky shakes his head in defiance. 

“That’s the  _ last _ thing she needs,” Bucky persists. 

“Buck, the last thing she needs is to think that you don’t want to bother with her,” Steve says gently. Anything else Bucky was about to say is immediately silenced. Natasha looks at Steve questioningly.

“If he wants to tell you what happened, he will. Or you can ask Clint and see if he’s gotten anything from Ciara,” Steve tells her. She scowls at him. He shakes his head no. Bucky is grateful that Steve is willing to keep his mouth shut about these things. 

They get to the floor with the efficiencies and Natasha calls Clint. 

“Last apartment on the right,” she says pointing. They walk in that direction. Bucky is sweating, his heart is pounding, he’s shaking a little because he’s scared of what will happen now. After all that he’s survived to lose Ciara because of his own stupidity is not something he’s going to be able to handle. 

Steve knocks on the door and Clint answers. Bucky’s jealousy overrides everything at this point.

“Ciara,” he calls. Clint blocks the door and shakes his head.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you right now, Barnes.”

“Move,” Bucky says coldly. He feels Steve’s hand on his shoulder, feels the warning squeeze from his large hand. Clint shakes his head no. 

Bucky makes a last ditch effort to communicate with Ciara. He pushes Clint back a bit from the door.

“Ciara, baby, I’m sorry. Please talk to me.”

He sees her walking towards the door. Her eyes are dark and cold. His heart stops. She gets behind Clint and slams the door shut with such force it sounds like a bomb went off in the hall. 

Bucky goes to knock and it’s Natasha that stops him. She takes him by his arm and she and Steve lead him away from the door. 

“Listen to me,” Natasha says as they walk, “give her some space. Whatever you did, whatever happened, trying to force your way in to get her to talk to you won’t work. You’ll alienate her more. Is that what you want?”

“No,” he mutters. 

“Give it a day or two or hell three,” she continues. “Focus on getting your shit together. Focus on what you want to say to her.”

Bucky nods reluctantly.

“Come on, I’ll take you back to the apartment,” Steve offers. 

 


	34. Clint's Confession

Ciara sits down heavily on the couch and covers her face with her hands. 

“I know you’re pissed off, but let’s be real, Ciara, you two  _ don’t  _ know each other. He only said what was on his mind at that moment, which was and still is the truth,” Clint says sitting next to her. 

“Are you trying to convince me that I’m wrong or that he is?” she asks taking her hands from her face and looking at him coldly. 

“You’re both wrong,” Clint says with a sigh. “And you’re both right. Look, relationships aren’t easy and the one you two have is no exception. He loves you--”

“Stop,” she says softly. 

“He loves you,” Clint persists, “the only time he shows emotion is when you’re involved. You love him. I’ve tried to ignore that fact but it’s fucking clear as crystal with you. You don’t hide it. I don’t think you can--”

“I know how I feel about him, Clint. I don’t need you to remind me.”

“Do you believe he loves you?”

Ciara doesn’t answer. Her chest hurts from the amount of pain her heart is suffering. 

“Ciara.”

“Yes,” she answers softly. She knows he does. She’s seen the look in his blue eyes, the one that melts her and makes her head swim. “But that doesn’t change what he said.”

“No, it doesn’t, but it is the truth,” Clint says gently. “You’re in love with a man you know nothing about.”

“And he knows nothing about me…” The realization that maybe Bucky doesn’t like who she is settles on her. Maybe it was seeing her personality shining through that made him think twice and made him say what he said. 

“You need time to cool off. I’ve made arrangements for you to stay here for a while. Director Fury wants to meet with you.”

“Why?” she demands. “Who the fuck is that?”

“That is the man that helped save you by putting you in cryo till we could figure out how to get that fucked up serum of Van Doran’s neutralized. He runs this outfit. Sort of.”

“I thought this was Stark’s baby.”

“The initiative was started by Fury. Tony is the leader...so is Steve. It’s functionally complicated.”

“That is the stupidest thing…”

She looks over at him and he’s got the biggest shit eating grin on his face. Ciara laughs at him. 

“I hate you,” she says after a moment.

“Yeah, you don’t. I have an idea of how to help you get rid of this pent up frustration of yours.”

She gives him a wild look. 

“Aren’t you married?”

“Is that all you think about is sex?” he asks with a smirk.

“Yeah,” she answers honestly. Clint barks out a laugh. 

“Maybe you did scare him,” he teases. 

“Fuck off.”

“The wife wouldn’t approve.”

“Fucking....” she stops talking and shakes her head. “I hope she beats your ass.”

“Every time I go home. I enjoy it.”

Ciara looks at him in disbelief and then cracks up laughing. Clint smiles. This was his intention all along. 

“Want to watch me change, Archer?” she taunts him. His eyes widen and his lips pucker into an  _ O _ . 

“Don’t tempt me,” he says in a low voice, the humor fading from his eyes. 

“Clint, you’re married. You love her. Whatever you thought was there…”

“I know, Ciara. I know. I know I didn’t have a chance with you once Barnes entered the picture. I’m surprised you remember me,” he says going back to teasing her a little. 

“Clint, you kissed me the night I went back in time. How the hell could I forget that?”

Clint looks down for a moment. 

“You know I tried to deny how I felt about you. Tried to convince myself it was just a passing phase. I realized I was way in over my head when you asked me to go save your boy from Cordova’s men and I did it. I did it.”

Ciara sits back against the couch in shock. Clint’s confession sits heavily on her. 

“I hid that dog tag because you asked me to. No one knew about it until Germany,” Clint continues, his head down, hands clasped between his knees. 

“Clint…” She doesn’t know what to say. 

“I love Laura, Ciara, don’t get me wrong. I love her with all my heart, but...you, you’ve always had me--”

“I don’t understand you,” she interjects. “Why go through all the trouble of covering for him, giving him the dog tag, trying to convince me that he loves me. Why? Why not…”

“Why not try and tear you from him and take you for myself?” Clint asks. “I just told you I love Laura.”

“You’re copping out,” she says flatly. 

His lips twitch. 

“You wouldn’t have been happy. I wanted you to be happy. I  _ want _ you to be happy. I’m not stupid or foolish enough to believe that by interfering with whatever was and is happening between you and Barnes that you would come running to me--”

“I did today.”

“Yeah,” he says with a small laugh, “because you had nowhere else to go, Princess, and because you know that I won’t let you down. I want to keep it that way. I’d rather not lose you over jealous bullshit. I want you to trust me enough to come to me if something happens because you don’t have anyone else anymore and you should. Barnes has Steve. I have Natasha and Laura. You have me. I don’t know how to stop being in love with you, Ciara, but I know I can’t compete with Barnes and I know you will never look at me the way you look at him. All I can do is be the support system you need. And besides,” he says taking a deep breath, “Laura would have Natasha kill me.”

“You’re so fucking dumb,” she says and then laughs when he grins. “You think Laura would have Nat take you out?”

“Probably,” he says after a moment. “Laura doesn’t know about you and Natasha has sworn not to say anything about you.”

“You have essentially made me your mistress without ever touching me.”

“Really fucked up, isn’t it?”

“I’m not sure how I feel about this, Clint.”

“About what? Being my untouchable mistress?”

“Being the object of your desire when you’re married and knowing that I love Bucky. I can’t reciprocate what you feel, Clint. I don’t...I don’t feel that way...we were just…” she trails off because she can see it hurts him to hear this. He’s taking it in stride, though. He understands that there is nothing between them.

“We’re friends, Ciara. Whatever happens, I’m here for you. I will always have your back - unless you do something so brazenly stupid--”

“Beyond slinking around top-secret facilities, going back in time, kissing assassins, punching out a fucking kid in Germany…”

“You’re the one that gave Parker that massive shiner!”

“Fuck off,” she growls.

“Goddamn, that poor kid,” Clint says teasing her again. 

“I will kick your ass straight up between your eyeballs,” she threatens. 

“Hmmm,” he grunts. “Go change. There’s a punching bag screaming to be abused in the gym.”

“Does it go by the name Clint?” she asks as she gets up. He looks up at her and shakes his head. 

“It depends. Some days it’s Archer, some days it’s Bucky. Depends on who has you more pissed off.”

“Touche pussycat,” she laughs as she goes to change. 

  
  



	35. Potential New Digs

Bucky sits on the couch in Steve’s apartment, hands clasped between his knees and his head lowered. His heart aches. 

“She’s not staying with Clint,” Steve reminds him. “That suite is hers.”

“And he can come and go as he pleases,” Bucky mumbles. It hurts to say those words, to think that Ciara would run to Clint, would choose Clint over him after all this. But he’s to blame, isn’t he? Saying that she’s not who he thought she was. Chasing her away with his words. Chasing her to Clint. 

“Clint is married, Buck.”

“He’s in love with her, Steve,” Bucky says hating the words. 

“What?” Steve asks walking into the room and looking at Bucky like he’s gone mad. 

“He loves her.”

“How do you know? What the hell makes you even think that?” Steve demands. Bucky looks at him evenly. Steve puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head. 

“Tell me you don’t see it.”

“Buck,” Steve says pinching the bridge of his nose, “even if he does, he’s married--”

“Which means nothing,” Bucky interrupts. “Have you not seen the litany of shit about affairs on TV?”

“This isn’t TV, Buck. She’s not interested in Clint. Who did she come running to in Germany? Who did she beg to see when Shuri pulled her from Cryo? Who was she so stupidly excited to see? Not Clint--”

“He wasn’t there,” Bucky argues. Steve growls at him. 

“Buck. Stop,” Steve says firmly. “Look at me and tell me you don’t think she loves you. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t think Ciara thinks the sun rises and sets in your ass. Because I’m telling you right now that if you do I’m going to punch you.”

“What the hell for?!” Bucky demands. He’s suddenly scared. The idea of Steve hitting him with one of those meathooks he calls hands isn’t what scares him, it’s the fact that Steve felt the need to do so. 

“Really?” The calmness in Steve’s voice has Bucky rattled now. “She loves you, James. She’s not going to suddenly fall for Clint. You two have history.  _ A lot of history _ . She went back in time for you, Buck. She knew who you were when you were still under HYDRA’s control…”

“She kissed me. She kissed me one of the times I was sent to kill them all,” Bucky says softly, the memory of that night slowly coming into focus. “I remember I recognized her and let her go and...she had kissed me…”

“Do you honestly believe that girl doesn’t love you, Buck?” 

Tears well up in Bucky’s eyes. 

“We don’t know each other, though, Steve. I don’t know anything about her. I don’t know what makes her laugh or cry or….”

“You make her cry, Buck. She makes you cry. You two haven’t had the easiest of roads with this.”

“I don’t want to make her cry, Steve,” Bucky mumbles as he swipes at the stray tears that fall. “What if she doesn’t like who I am? What if...what if after all this other shit that she doesn’t want to deal with me?”

“That’s a two-way street, Buck. What if you don’t like who she is? What if you don’t like her quirks and flaws? What if she’s too much for you to handle? What if, what if, what if. Buck, that’s the biggest fear in any relationship. Don’t you watch TV?” Steve asks teasing him a bit.

“She said we fucked, Steve. I didn’t think that’s what we...is that how she really felt?”

Steve’s face darkens, the red covering his neck and cheeks. 

“Buck...I wasn’t here. I don’t know - nor do I want to know - what happened. Is that what set this off? She felt one way about...about what you two did and you felt another way?”

Bucky nods his head. 

“Not just that. It was me saying I didn’t know her and then saying she wasn’t who I thought she was. It was me opening my damn fool mouth--”

“Buck, all you did was tell the truth. You  _ don’t _ know her. The other part of that...yeah, that was a bad idea.”

“I can’t fix it, Steve. She won’t talk to me. She damn near put the door across the hall she slammed it so hard,” he says sullenly. The image of her cold gray eyes has been seared into his brain. He’s never seen that look in her eyes before. Not even with the conflicting memory of her with the shaved head. 

“She needs time to cool off. You need to get your head out of your ass. Show her that you want to build a relationship with her. Show her that you want to be with her.”

“How? I don’t know how to do this shit anymore, Steve. I haven’t...Christ, I haven’t been with a woman since that day I met her at the Pavilion. She was my last. I haven’t  _ ever _ been in a long term relationship. Steve, I don’t even know if I can have kids. I don’t know what they did to me. I don’t…” he stops talking and hangs his head again. He feels Steve sit down next to him on the couch. 

“Buck, you’re jumping the gun. Stop. The first step is getting you on your feet again. You’re on the payroll now. You’ll be able to afford your own place. You and Ciara can work through this. When the time comes - after you’ve talked to her about if she wants kids - you can see if you can. She may need to be checked, too--”

Bucky looks up at Steve in horror. 

“They weren’t gentle with her, Buck. I don’t think Clint has given us  _ all _ the details of what happened. I think he’s trying to spare you from having to hear what she suffered through. She may not remember. She may have it blocked out. She may be like you and just wants to deal with it on her own.”

“She doesn’t have to,” Bucky protests. Steve smiles. 

“You need to let her know that, Buck, and you will. For now, give her some time. Trust her. I promise you she and Clint are not doing anything,” he says. Bucky hears Steve’s ringtone squealing and Steve casually answers the phone. Bucky gets up and heads to the kitchen to get a drink. He feels drained and his head is really starting to hurt. He gets the gallon of milk Steve just bought, opens it, and chugs. 

“GET A GLASS!”

Bucky chokes and spits the mouthful of milk he had into the sink. 

“I use the milk, too, Buck! Jesus Christ!”

Bucky’s laughing. He can’t help it. Hearing Steve yell at him like a pissed off mother hen is just too funny. Steve takes the milk from him, gets a glass, slams it on the counter next to Bucky, and fills it with milk. 

“Sorry,” Bucky mutters trying not to smirk or laugh. Steve glares at him. 

“I have news for you, but I’m not sure if you’re adult enough to hear this.”

Bucky’s moment of good humor vanishes. 

“Steve.”

Steve finally cracks a grin. 

“I called the management company. I pulled a few strings. The apartment across the hall will be vacated by the end of the week.”

“They were evicted. I saw the notices on the door, same as you.”

“Right. Turns out, whoever that was in there hasn’t been in that apartment in at least three months and they’re willing to let us go in, look around and see if we want to keep any of the stuff that was left behind, and to see if it would work out for you.”

Bucky is speechless. Steve smiles warmly. 

“I don’t...I don’t know what to say...thank you…” Bucky says humbly. 

“It’s right across the hall and I’ll be right here if you need me. He’s on his way over with the key for us to look at it.”

“I can never repay you for what you’ve done, Steve,” he says quietly. 

“I don’t want you to pay me back, Buck. I did this because you are my brother. You’ve always been there for me. You took care of me. I’m the one paying you back.”

Steve pulls Bucky into a strong embrace and Bucky breaks down. 

“It’s alright, Buck. It’s okay. This is your fresh start. This is your chance to heal,” Steve says trying to soothe him. 

“Thank you,” Bucky says forcing himself to pull it together. Steve pats him on the back. 

“Just tell me that you and Ciara didn’t do it on the table. I eat there.”

“You are such a goddamn punk,” Bucky says letting Steve go and laughs a little. Steve is grinning. 

“So...the table…”

“Steve…” Bucky laughs as he wipes his eyes. “No. But I’m sure you and Natasha have,” Bucky jokes. 

“A few times.”

“OH GOD! I’VE EATEN OFF THAT TABLE!” Bucky yells and Steve howls laughter. 

“I feel sick,” Bucky groans and sticks out his tongue. Steve laughs that much more. 

“Go clean yourself up. The guy from the management company should be here soon,” Steve says pushing Bucky towards the bathroom. 

“I’m going to to go throw up,” Bucky gripes as he heads to the bathroom. He stands in front of the mirror and runs the cold water to splash on his face. Steve said this is his fresh start, his chance to rebuild. He looks at himself in the mirror. He wants to rebuild with Ciara. She needs this, too, but he doesn’t know where to begin or how to or if she’s willing to try with him. 

He wants to talk to her. He wants to apologize and tell her he didn’t mean it, he really did not. 

There’s a knock at the door. 

“The guy is here, Buck. Come on,” Steve calls through the door. Bucky dries his face quickly and steps out. 

“Fresh start, Buck. Let’s see how this looks and then go from there.”

Bucky nods and they head across the hall to look at the apartment. 

The walkthrough takes about thirty minutes. Bucky is nervous. Will this work out? Will Ciara like this place? Is it safe for her? Can he afford the apartment and be able to take care of Ciara so she won’t have to work? 

“If you want any of this stuff let us know,” the management company guy tells them as he and Steve walk back into the living room. Steve is shaking his head no in disgust. 

“No. No. He’ll get new stuff. Are they going to fumigate?” Steve asks. 

“It’s protocol. The place will be professionally cleaned and the walls painted. I was told we can make this a priority if you’re interested, Mr. Barnes.”

Steve looks at Bucky to see what he wants to do. 

“Do you want to think it over?” Steve asks. 

“No. I can afford this,” he says looking at Steve. 

“The rent is $4700 a month plus utilities,” the guy from the management company says looking at a sheet. 

“Yup,” Steve states. “What do you think?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll take it,” Bucky says looking around again. Maybe she won’t like it, but it’s a start and if she wants they can move to someplace better that she will like.

“Give us a minute,” Steve says to the management guy. He nods and steps outside of the apartment. Steve and Bucky look around again.

“Did they have cockfights in here?” Steve mutters. 

“I’m going to go shower in bleach when we leave here,” Bucky vows. 

“What do you think, beyond the fact that the place is trashed right now? Honestly.”

“It’s a place of my own, Steve. Like you pointed out, you’ll be close. I just…”

“Don’t worry about Ciara right now, Buck.”

“It’s not that easy, Steve.”

Steve nods. 

“No, it isn’t, but you have to situate yourself first.”

“Okay,” Bucky says looking around and trying to imagine what the place would look like once it’s cleaned up. 

“Let’s tell him.”

 


	36. Ciara & Her Emotional Support Archer

It’s been four days since Ciara walked out of Bucky’s apartment. She hasn’t heard from him, but she’s made no effort to try and reach out to him either. She lets Clint take her to the gym to work out and to do additional training and then she goes back to the little apartment, balls up on the couch and wonders what the hell to do about Bucky. She’s convinced he doesn’t like her now. That she showed her true colors and the image he’d built up of her fell to pieces. She doesn’t know if it would have happened with the image she has of him or not. She knows she misses him, though, and she would give anything to hear his voice again.

The phone Clint gave her to use rings. The only person that calls is Clint. 

“What?”

“You can call him. I can get his number. You need to stop moping.”

“I don’t know what to say to him,” she says flatly. He grunts.

“Get changed. Fury is tired of waiting to speak with you and I’m tired of giving him excuses.”

“What the hell does he think I’m going to do? I don’t want to do what you do, Clint. I’ve had enough of this shit.”

“I know, Princess. I get it,” Clint says gently, “and that’s what you need to tell him. But I’m going to warn you, he’s going to want you to stay where he can keep an eye on you because of what you can do and what you know.”

“None of which I asked for,” Ciara reminds him. 

“Ciara, I know, but you know that you have a dangerous amount of knowledge. Discounting the fact that you are technically a super soldier, the stuff that you accessed and had access to - including the files on Barnes - makes you dangerous.”

Ciara sighs heavily. 

“Please, Princess.”

He’s begging. Clint has tried to shelter her since they first met, tried to protect her, and while she doesn’t feel the same about him as he does her she does love him for trying to keep her safe and for being her only remaining friend. He’s asking her to do something and she has no right to refuse.

“Give me fifteen minutes.”

“Done. I’ll see you in fifteen. Unless you want some help…”

“Sure, Clint.”

Silence. Ciara isn’t sure if the man fainted or if he just stopped breathing. 

“Tease.”

She laughs. 

“You asked. It’s your own fault,” she chides him. 

“Fifteen minutes. I’m going to go stroke one out.”

“Oh god!”

Now he laughs. 

“Serves you right,” he says. “See you in a bit, Princess.”

“So gross.”

“Shut up and go change,” he tells her and then hangs up. She’s still giggling as she gets changed. Clint is stupid but she knows it’s an act to keep her in good spirits. 

She finishes fixing her hair so she looks semi-professional just as there’s a knock on the door. She opens it and Clint gives her a pleased smile.

“You look good.”

“Stop flirting.”

“I’m not. It’s called a compliment, smartass. Come on,” he says leading her to the elevators. They go down below the garage level and then finally get off. 

“Tell him what you told me, that you don’t want to do fieldwork. I think you’d do good in the field, but that’s your call, Ciara.”

“Clint, it’s not something I ever saw myself doing and it’s not something I want to do. Not after all this shit with Cordova and Van Doran and seeing what you’ve gone through and then Christ, what about Bucky?”

Her heart sinks when she thinks about Bucky. Clint stops and lifts her chin.

“Head in the game, Princess. Talk to Fury. His bark is worse than his bite and I know you won’t break.”

She smiles weakly and steps into the office. A tall man in an eye patch stands up to greet her.

“Ciara Grace Sorano, Director Nicholas Fury,” he says extending his hand. “I’ve been waiting to see you.”

It takes two hours to escape from Fury’s office. Trying to convince the man that she’s not going to be a field agent was infuriating. She point blank told him that it wasn’t going to happen and there is no way in hell she would consider it. Not after all she’s seen. Fury, however, refused to let her off the hook. It was agreed upon that she would assist someone named Agent Hill in intel gathering and recon from base or on-site as needed. Not field work like Barton, Barnes, Rogers and the others would be doing, but she would still have to learn how to handle a weapon, blah blah blah…

She walks over to the elevator rubbing her temples and feels a hand on her arm. She yanks her arm free.

“Easy, easy, Princess. Easy,” Clint says holding his hands up. “It went that well, huh?”

“He’s a douche.”

“He knows what he wants. He knows what you’re capable of.”

“Courtesy of you I’m guessing.”

“Ciara…”

“It’s fine. I know you’re doing what you have to, Archer,” she says as they step into the elevator. She leans against the wall, closes her eyes, and goes back to rubbing her temples.

“How bad is your head?” 

“Bad. I’m seeing spots,” she admits. Clint puts his hands on her arms and pulls her closer. She resists. 

“Come here,” he says gently. “Nothing’s going to happen. I’m not going try anything,” he says pulling her into his arms. She gives in and lets him hug her. Clint doesn’t smell like Bucky, he doesn’t hold her like Bucky, she doesn’t get the same feeling from him she gets from Bucky, but Clint is able to give her what she needed at that moment, a shoulder to cry on.

“I don’t know what to do,” she whimpers. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Ciara bursts into tears. Clint presses the stop button on the elevator then goes back to holding her. 

“Let it out, Ciara. Let it go,” he says softly as he rocks her gently. She continues to cry until it makes her head hurt so much she has to stop. Clint just holds her and occasionally rubs her back. 

“Okay?” he asks gently. 

“Somewhat. Mostly,” she says lifting her head and wiping her eyes. “Thank god for waterproof mascara.”

Clint laughs a little. 

“You need to get hydrated,” he says pressing the button to start the elevator again. “Twelfth floor,” he orders the AI.

“Thank you, Agent Barton.”

“I saw this in a movie once. It didn’t end well,” Ciara mutters. 

“This is Tony’s brainchild, but the stairs take forever. And now you’re on payroll so you can get your own place and not deal with this. Or move in with me,” he says grinning stupidly. 

“I’m sure Laura would love that,” she says cynically, “I don’t see her welcoming me with open arms to your bed.”

Clint’s eyes widen and then sparkle with mischief. 

“I never asked her how she’d feel about a _ménage_ _à_ _trois_.”

“Clint.”

“My god...that would be wonderful…”

“Sure. Ask if Nat can join, too.”

Clint gasps in delight. 

“You are so fucking stupid,” Ciara says and starts laughing. Clint smiles knowing he got her to laugh. 

“Don’t think I won’t be dreaming about this,” he says as they get off the elevator and head towards her apartment. 

“There’s not enough dick for three women, Clint. I don’t care how big you are.”

“You think I’m big?” he asks looking down at his crotch as they walk in. Ciara is at a loss right now with him. He’s just going to keep carrying on so she keeps laughing. It’s working, his stupid plan to make her smile. He goes to the tiny kitchen and comes back with water for both of them. He opens one and hands it to her. 

“Drink. I know you haven’t eaten much if anything the past few days and I doubt you’ve had enough to drink,” he states. She takes a few sips of the water and heads to the couch. 

“Call him, Ciara. Call him and talk to him—“

“I can’t. I don’t know what to say, Clint. What if the reason he’s made no effort to come see me is that he realizes he doesn’t  _ like _ me? That I’m not this person he imagined me to be for all these years?”

“Is it better not knowing?” Clint asks taking a seat next to her. 

“They say ignorance is bliss don’t they?”

“They are stupid and shouldn’t be listened to. Do you really want to just let this hang over you? What if he’s afraid of the same thing and that’s why he hasn’t called or come to check on you?”

She shakes her head, fresh tears filling her eyes. 

“If he wanted to talk, if he wanted to see me he would have made another effort—“

“You practically slammed the door on his face,” Clint reminds her. Now the tears start to fall. “Ciara, I’d be scared of you after that, too.”

“You were here when I did it.”

“I wasn’t on the receiving end.”

Ciara wipes her eyes. 

“I don’t know what to do, Clint. I just...I don’t want to hear him tell me he’s changed his mind about us. I can’t...I can’t…” a sob robs her of the rest of her words as she cries even harder. Clint sighs and puts his arm around her in an effort to comfort her. 

“You have to talk to him, Princess. And if he says that he no longer wants to be with you that’s his goddamn loss, not yours. But I think you’re wrong. I think you’re going to find he’s just as much of an emotional wreck as you are over this. I promise you that this won’t be the last time he says something really hurtful to you and I promise you’re going to say hurtful shit to him. It happens. We all do it, and you can’t take it back, but you can move on from it. Don’t cry, Ciara. Please,” Clint pleads as he holds her closer. “Don’t cry.”

  
  



	37. Bad Thoughts

“Well,” Steve says as they get back in the SUV, “after Thursday you can move in.”

They just left the management company that handles the rentals in Steve’s apartment building. Bucky - with Steve’s financial assistance - gave them the ludicrous amount of almost ten thousand dollars for the security deposit and the first month’s rent. There was an additional grand that had to be shelled out to get the electricity, water, and sewer put in Bucky’s name. Another $300 to secure cable services…

“Steve, I don’t even own a fucking TV. Why did we just shell out three hundred bucks for that?”

“You’ll get one.”

“Not in the near future,” Bucky says looking out the window as they drive back to the apartment. “No more handouts, Steve. I can’t keep taking from you.”

“Who the hell said these were handouts?” Steve asks. Bucky can tell he’s trying to play it off to make him feel better but it isn’t working. 

“I know I’ll pay you back but you can’t keep doing this,” Bucky says trying to be firm. Steve glances over at him. 

“What the hell are you going to sleep on? The floor?”

“Yes. I’ve done it before.”

“And you’ll sit on the floor, too, I take it.”

He can hear the frustration coming through in Steve’s voice. Bucky feels like he’s being scolded for something he should be able to take care of but can’t. 

“Yes.”

Steve sighs tiredly. 

“Buck, I’m not doing this to point out...I’m not trying to make you feel like an invalid. I’m just trying to help. You wanted to pay me back- I don’t want you to - but we agreed to it. I’m only trying to help, Buck. I’m not encouraging you to keep relying on me, I’m just trying to give you a jumping off point. That’s it.”

“I know and I appreciate it, but when does it end?” Bucky asks looking earnestly at Steve. “When does it stop?”

“When you’re able to take care of you and Ciara which should be after your first check.”

“Ciara,” Bucky whispers and furrows his brow. “She doesn’t want to talk to me, Steve.”

“How do you know?” Steve demands as they pull into the parking garage. 

“Why would she? She’s beautiful. She can have anyone she wants. Even Clint—“

“Let’s not start this shit again, Buck. She’s not after Clint.”

“She’s not after me either.”

“Did it occur to you maybe she’s still upset? That maybe she thinks you genuinely don’t like her?”

“I went over there to apologize and she slammed the door in my face. Her eyes were cold, Steve. She doesn’t...it’s over,” Bucky says quietly. He gets out of the SUV slowly, the weight of his words weighing him down. He feels like he’s drowning. Steve says something else but it’s lost on Bucky, he doesn’t hear him. They head up to the apartment.

“Buck, get yourself a drink and go take a nap. I know you didn’t sleep last night.”

“I couldn’t. Bad dreams.”

Steve nods.

“Try and take a nap.”

Bucky shakes his head no as he pours himself some scotch. 

“I told Natasha I’d let her take me clothes shopping today. Will you be alright?”

“If you come home in a rubber suit I won’t be.”

“Just for that, I am. Full latex. Crotch cut out and—“

“ _ JESUS CHRIST, STEVE!” _

Steve snorts and then laughs at the horrified look on Bucky’s face. 

“I’m going to burn the goddamn table while you’re gone,” Bucky threatens angrily. 

“We’ll just defile the new one,” Steve says candidly. Bucky scowls at him. “Sure you’ll be fine?”

“No. Latex.”

“Fine. Grump. Call me if you need me.”

Bucky waves him away and turns the TV on. A De Beers engagement ring commercial comes on advising that he should proclaim his love with chocolate diamonds and that a diamond is forever.

“They look like someone fished them out of the can,” Bucky remarks at seeing the brown diamonds on the screen. He flips the channel and it’s a Tiffany’s commercial showing off their diamond engagement rings. He sucks on his teeth and changes the channel again. It’s a trailer for some movie called  _ The Bronze _ . Right after another commercial comes on, this one from some asshole named Jared who also sells diamonds and all the dames are so impressed that their friend’s man got the diamond from this ass named Jared. 

“It’s a conspiracy,” he mutters as he turns off the TV. A few days ago he would have watched those commercials with the utmost interest. Now...what’s the point? 

His stomach knots around itself and his head starts to hurt when he thinks about what happened, when he remembers the look in her eyes when he went to say he was sorry. She won’t forgive him. She deserves so much better than what he can offer. He is so beyond broken and he can’t even take care of himself without Steve being there to hold his hand. 

He curls up into a ball on the couch, wraps his arms around himself and shivers like he’s cold as these thoughts continue to flood him. 

 


	38. Nat's Dirty Mouth

Steve watches Natasha slide into the SUV and gives her a smile.

“What’s wrong?” She asks as she looks him over. He shakes his head indicating nothing is wrong. She’s not buying it.

“He got the apartment,” he says as he puts the SUV into gear.

“That’s good. It’s good that he’s close to you. But what’s going on?”

“He’s still upset over this shit with Ciara. He thinks she won’t talk to him or that she hates him or...I don’t know, Nat,” Steve says heavily.

“Has he tried to talk to her since the other day?”

“Nope. He’s afraid to go over there because - and I quote - she’s with Clint and Clint is in love with her.”

“He is,” Natasha says matter of factly.

“Don’t you start this crap, too,” Steve groans.

“Steve, Clint has had a thing for Ciara since day one. She has not and apparently still does not feel the same. He wanted to leave Laura to try and convince Ciara to be with him. I had to talk him out of it and show him that all she sees is Bucky.”

“But he loves Laura,” Steve argues.

“I know. Think of Ciara as the one that got away that you never quite get over. Like you and Peggy.”

“Natasha…” Steve says sullenly, “don’t be like this…”

“I’m not upset about it,” she says putting her hand on his thigh. “I’m not jealous. Besides, I have you now, lover boy.”

He glances over at her and she gives him that coy smile. He smirks a little.

“I tried to tell Bucky that Clint isn’t going to come between them, but...Bucky sees Clint’s attachment to her, too. I must have missed that memo.”

Natasha squeezes his thigh and works her hand up a little further.

“You missed it because you only ever see Clint when I’m around and I’m the one you’re focused on,” she says as she runs her palm over his crotch.

“Not entirely true,” he counters trying to ignore her - which is impossible. “Put your seatbelt back on!”

“You better drive really carefully, Captain Rogers,” she purrs as she leans over into his lap and undoes his belt, unbuttons his jeans and pulls the zipper down.

“Nat—“

It’s all he can get out before she’s got her perfect lips around his dick and starts sucking. He’s gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles have turned white.

“Oh...god…” he moans as she continues to work him with her mouth. The sounds she’s making, the feel of her mouth, it’s making it so that Steve’s barely able to drive.

She cups his balls and gives them a hard tug and he about loses it.

“Stay on the road or no more,” she warns and then swallows him again. He moans loudly, partly in annoyance that he can’t sit back and enjoy this and partly because she’s got him right on the edge…

“Nat...Natasha,” he pants, “I’m going to come...sweet Christ,” he groans trying to keep from shooting his load into her mouth till she gives him the go ahead. She squeezes his thigh and then tugs his balls again while increasing her suction. When she hums and her lips vibrate against his cock that’s all it takes. Steve’s head hits the headrest, his legs tense up, and he has to try and not rear-end the car in front of him as he fills Natasha’s gorgeous mouth.

“You should pull over before you have a heart attack. And so I can clean you up a little before we go shopping,” she says sitting back up and licking her lips. He pulls over and looks at her in disbelief.

“You expect me to be able to shop after that?” He demands.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if I can walk.”

“Aww,” she coos as she leans back over and licks his sensitive head. He jumps and whines. She looks up and gives him a devilish smile as she cleans up the aftermath.

“You don’t go shopping, you don’t get to touch me.”

“That’s bullshit!” He fusses.

“Fair is fair. Besides, you know I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Buck said not to come home in a latex suit.”

“Just for that, we’re both going back to your place in latex suits.”

“He’s going to hurt us,” Steve warns as she tucks him back inside his jeans and slowly drags the zipper back up. She’s driving him wild and all he wants to do is grab her, throw her on the back seat, and dive deep into that silky pussy of hers.

“Nah. He just needs to focus on Ciara again.”

“He is focused on Ciara,” Steve tells her as he pulls back onto the road, “that’s all he thinks about.”

“I talked to Clint a little while ago. She’s as distraught as he is, Steve, and she thinks he hates her.”

“Jesus...these two are going to be the death of everyone,” he gripes. “Please tell me he’s not trying to move in on her.”

“He isn’t. She’d beat the hell out of him. That hasn’t stopped him from tormenting her about a ménage à trois with him and Laura.”

“He’s lost his mind,” Steve mutters.

“No, he’s trying to cheer her up. She has a twisted sense of humor that he works well with. He said she shot back with he should add me to the mix and then apparently she cracked up laughing when he made happy noises.”

“Happy noises? Never mind.”

“Anyway, he’s just doing it to get her to stop sulking and crying. She went and saw Fury, too.”

“I heard. Fury called me trying to get me to convince her to go into the field with us.”

“Why didn’t he call Bucky?” Natasha wonders out loud.

“I have a feeling he knows what’s going on with them, Nat, and don’t tell me you don’t have something to do with it.”

“Down boy. He knows what I know and what Clint has decided to divulge. Ciara and Buck are somehow bound to each other and nobody can explain how or why.”

“I can,” Steve says as she points him towards the exit she wants them to take. “He’s in love. He met her and he started falling fast. By the time they got to the changing booths at the Pavilion, he was a goner. They had sex in that changing booth and he proposed to her right after. When he introduced me to her he introduced her as the future Mrs. Barnes and he meant it, Natasha. After I rescued him he told me he hoped she was pregnant. He wanted to go home to her and see her with either a huge belly or a bouncing baby on her hip. The look on his face when he told me that...he was in a daze, this big, dopey smile on his face. That’s all he’s wanted. Even one of the guys from the Howling Commandos made mention about her. He must have said something to him about Ciara, too. When he fell from the train...the same guy asked me to send his condolences to Ciara and to tell her that if she wanted, she could go stay with his wife and kids if she had no one else. I never told Bucky that. You’re the only person I’ve ever told.”

Natasha is silent. Steve looks over at her and sees her face is darkened by what he’s said. He lifts her chin and gives her a quick smile.

“She crossed time and space to be with him and they are so fucking stupid for each other they can’t see that they love each other more than life. I want to beat them both.”

“You, me, Clint at this point I’m sure,” Steve says. “Where are we going?”

“Turn left at the next light. He wanted her to have his baby knowing how much of a scandal that would have been?” Natasha asks as Steve stops at the traffic light.

“He didn’t care. He wanted a family with her. He still does, I think. He made mention that he doesn’t know if HYDRA...you know…”

“Cut off the supply of baby makers?”

“Okay, yeah,” Steve replies sheepishly.

“What about Ciara? I don’t know if anyone’s done a _full_ physical on her. We don’t know what Cordova and Van Doran may have done to her.”

“I told him that and that only made things worse because Bucky wants to have kids.”

“He’s in no shape mentally to have children.”

“Right now? No, he’s not, you’re absolutely right. But he’s seeing a therapist that Fury picked out especially for him and he’s trying to work his shit out, Natasha. He’s struggling, he fights me on helping him because he wants to do things for himself--”

“You’re smothering him, Steve. Turn right at the stop sign. He’s not a child.”

“I’m not smothering him. I’m giving him money till he starts getting checks and then he’s paying me back. At his insistence.”

“You and I are going to open you a checking account today,” she says changing the subject.

“Why?” he whines.

“Because if you have one then he’ll get one and you can both get paid in a more timely manner instead of waiting on the post office. This isn’t the Great Depression, Steve. The banks are all insured now.”

“Yup. That’s why the feds had to bail them all out, right?” he asks, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

“This isn’t up for debate anymore, Steven Rogers.”

“Oh, here we go,” he gripes. “Where to, your highness?”

“You’ll thank me later.”

“I have every intention of doing so, Natasha.”


	39. Making Up

Bucky wakes up to the annoying sound of his phone vibrating across the marble coffee table. He’s guessing it’s Steve calling to check on him since Bucky’s a wayward child now. 

“What?”

He guessed wrong.

“I...I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to…” 

“No! No! Baby, no! I’m sorry! Don’t...please don’t hang up!” he pleads frantically. His hand is shaking so bad he’s afraid he might drop the phone. He switches hands quickly, placing the phone in his left hand instead. 

There’s silence and then he hears her crying. 

“Ciara, don’t cry, baby. I didn’t mean...I’m sorry…” he stammers as he starts to cry as well. 

“Buck?”

That’s Clint’s voice. 

“Yeah,” he says, his voice shaking. “Where did she go?”

“I’m bringing her over,” Clint tells him. “Calm down. Calm down. Go change,” he can hear Clint say to Ciara. The familiarity of the tone makes him think of how Steve treats him. 

“You are?”

“Yeah. She’s a mess and from the sound of things so are you. Work this shit out, please. We’ll be there shortly.”

“Clint.”

“Barnes?”

“Thank you.”

“Thank me later. Fix your shit with your girl,” he says and then hangs up. Bucky is shaking even more now. He runs to the bathroom and tries his best to clean himself up, but no matter what he does the dark circles and bags remain under his eyes, his face still looks gaunt, his hair is all over the place, his beard makes him look like a homeless lumberjack…

He changes into a less wrinkled tee shirt and puts on more deodorant. He took a shower this morning after Steve ran him ragged around Central Park, but he’s so self-conscious right now that he’s debating on taking another one. 

The buzzer rings and Bucky knows the shower is not an option. He runs to the door barking his shin on the coffee table and cursing at in Russian. 

“Yeah,” he says fighting to keep his voice even. 

“We’re here,” Clint sings. 

“I hate you,” he hears Ciara tell him but there’s some amusement in her voice. He’d give anything to be the one to make her smile right now instead of the one that makes her cry. 

“It’s unlocked,” Bucky tells them. The comm goes silent and he starts to pace and rub his arm. He would give anything to be whole again like he was when they met at the Pavilion. He had nothing to offer her and yet so much more than he does now. He wasn’t broken and dysfunctional. He was himself. 

There’s a light knock on the door a few minutes later. Bucky swallows the lump in his throat and opens the door. Clint and Ciara are standing there. Ciara has her head down and her arms folded loosely over her chest. Clint looks from Ciara to Bucky and back again and then rolls his eyes. 

“Go on,” he says giving her a shove. She stumbles forward and into Bucky who immediately puts his arms around her and buries his face into her neck. 

“Bucky,” she sobs as she hugs him tightly. He’s barely able to breathe through her embrace. 

“I’m sorry, Ciara. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry,” he whimpers against her skin. Clint steps inside, pulls Buck and Ciara away from the door and closes it. Ciara is crying so hard she’s shaking. 

“Go sit down with her, Buck,” Clint says gently and points to the couch. Bucky sweeps Ciara’s legs up and carries her over to the couch and then sits down with her in his lap. She won’t let him go and he can’t let her go. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t want you to hate me,” she cries. This makes him feel like shit. She really does believe he doesn’t like her anymore.

“I don’t hate you. I would never hate you. I’m a fucking idiot, Ciara. I can’t...I can’t take it back...I love you with all my heart…” his words are getting choked off by his tears. 

“I’ll be whoever you want me to be,” Ciara says sitting up and looking him in the eyes. “Tell me who you want me to be and--”

“Stop! No! I want you. I didn’t fall in love with someone else, I fell in love with you!”

“But you don’t...I’m not who you want…” she says through her tears. Bucky bites his lip. 

“Yes, you are. I don’t know you, Ciara, you don’t know me, but you  _ are _ who I want. You, exactly as you are. I don’t want you to be someone you’re not. I want you. I want to...give me another chance, baby, please. I want to learn all about you. Please?” he begs. “Please don’t change or walk away.”

“I’m not the same person you met on the Pavilion, Buck.”

“I’m not either.”

She looks away and wipes the tears from her eyes. 

“I don’t want you to be disappointed,” she says softly. 

“You don’t think I’m worried about that with you?” he asks. He lifts her chin and caresses her cheek with his thumb. “You are so beautiful and wonderful and I don’t know how I would ever make you happy--”

“Buck,” Clint warns. 

“I just want you to be happy. I just want to be with you,” Ciara says looking up again. 

“I want to be with you, baby. That’s all I’ve wanted since the day we met.”

She runs her fingers through a lock of his hair. 

“I never meant to hurt you, baby,” he says softly. “I would never intentionally hurt you. I wasn’t thinking--”

She presses her lips to his and anything else he had to say is lost to their kiss. 

“I can change,” she says when they end the kiss. “I can be better--”

“Stop,” he says running his thumb over her lower lip. “I don’t want you to change.”

“The last thing he needs is a Stepford Wife,” Clint quips.

“Whatever the fuck that is,” Bucky grumbles, “I don’t want you to be that.”

Ciara smiles faintly.

“It’s a stupid movie with an even more ridiculous remake,” she tells him. 

“No robots,” Clint says. Bucky glances at Clint and then looks back at Ciara. 

“I don’t want you to be a robot, baby,” he says furrowing his brow, “I just want you to be you.”

She drops her eyes and he can see the crease in her brow. 

“You may not like me.”

“There’s a good chance you won’t like me, Ciara,” Bucky says painfully, “I’ve got a litany of issues. I’m not a whole person. I’m not the person you met on the Pavilion...”

“You’re you, James. You’re still in there. You’re evolving, changing, but you’re still in there. I can see it in your eyes. You never went away, you just got lost for a while.”

Tears swim in his eyes and blur his vision. She puts her hand on his neck and pushes him till his head is resting against her chest. He can hear her heart beating fiercely. 

“You’re both still you, just slightly different versions. Whatever you two had when you met a million years ago is still there. You two can make this work if you talk like normal people do. I would refrain from communicating the way you and Steve do, Buck, because she will hurt you,” Clint advises. 

“What does that mean? How do you and Steve talk?” she asks. 

“We throw things at each other when one of us has royally pissed the other one off,” Bucky mumbles from her chest. She runs her fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes. 

“Violence is never the solution,” Clint says. 

“You know what? You are so full of shit your eyes should be brown,” Ciara bluntly tells Clint. 

Bucky snorts and then starts to laugh. 

“Oh, he hasn’t been privy to your sparkling wit yet, has he?” Clint teases. “You’re in for a treat, buddy.”

“Such a fucking tool,” she mutters. Bucky looks up at her and smiles. 

“This is normal?” he asks.

“Seemingly,” she answers.

“Yes,” Clint answers. “This is how she is. She’s a delight.”

Her lips twitch. Clint’s egging her on and Bucky knows it’s so he can see some of her personality. 

“I’m calling Laura.”

“Fine,” he says sitting back in the recliner and crossing his arms. “What do you think you’re going to tell her?”

This is better than TV.

“I’m going to tell her you’re interested in a  _ ménage à trois _ and you’ve got some guys picked out already.”

Clint’s jaw drops. 

“Guys? Really, Clint?” Bucky questions. 

“Don’t fucking start, Barnes,” he says wagging his finger at Bucky, “and you...guys? Really? Do you think she’d go for it?”

“I can’t with you,” she says and starts to laugh. Clint smiles. 

“I need to head back,” he says getting up. “Are you staying, Ciara?”

Bucky looks into her eyes hoping that she will stay.

“I don’t have anything with me. I need to go back--”

“Wear my stuff,” he says hastily. “I’ve got things you can wear.”

“What about Steve?” Clint asks looking around the room. 

“He’s with Nat.”

“He won’t be coming back here I take it,” Clint says with a smug grin. “Stay or go, Princess.”

She looks at Bucky, her stormy eyes still shining with tears. 

“I want you to stay, baby.”

She looks over at Clint who nods his head and smiles. She pushes herself off of Bucky’s lap, much to his chagrin, and walks over to Clint. 

“I owe you,” Bucky hears her say quietly. Clint shakes his head no.

“Be happy, Princess. It’s all I want for you.” He kisses her forehead and walks to the door.

“Thanks, Clint.”

“Take care of her, Buck. And for fuck’s sake you two, calm down a little. You’re here, you’re together finally, don’t let dumb shit screw this up.”

Having said his piece Clint leaves them alone. 

“We can always stay at that little efficiency at the tower,” Ciara suggests. Bucky pulls her back into his arms. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m on the payroll now and I signed the lease on the apartment across the hall. I can move in anytime after Thursday. It’s two bedrooms--”

“Can we go look at it?” she asks. 

“I think the cleaning people left already, baby,” he says apologetically. 

“We can pick the lock.”

She’s serious. 

“You know how to do that?” he asks dubiously. She grins. 

“There’s a lot of things I know how to do. Like hack into a high-end terrorist organizations database to obtain intel on you.”

He cocks an eyebrow and grins playfully. 

“I see. What else can you do?”

“Stuff.”

He laughs. 

“You really want to go see this place?” he asks. 

“If it’s where you’re going to be living, yes.”

“I’d like it to be where  _ we _ are living, Ciara,” he tells her as he runs his fingers through her hair. He can’t get over how long her hair is now. “When you’re ready,” he adds quickly. She smiles warmly. 

“We’ve got a lot to learn about each other, Buck.”

“No better way than trial by fire, right?”

Her smile brightens and his knees get weak. 

“Then let’s go look.”


	40. I Missed You

Bucky is leaned against the wall in the hallway watching Ciara who is crouched and picking the goddamn lock of his new apartment. Her eyes are narrowed and she’s biting down on her bottom lip. He’s never seen anything so provocative. He suddenly remembers her saying they’d  _ fucked _ and it sours him a little. 

“What?” she asks looking up at him. She looks worried. 

“Nothing,” he says shaking his head. She searches his face and sighs. She puts down her little makeshift lock pick tools and sits on the floor. 

“Nothing,” she repeats. “I’m not going to force you to talk to me, Buck. You either do so willingly or this thing fails before it gets off the ground.”

She’s blunt. Was she this blunt at the Pavilion? 

She’s watching him and waiting for a response. 

“I don’t want to argue, Ciara.”

“Nor do I. Again, I can’t make you talk to me if you don’t want to which means that I’m wasting my time doing this.”

She gets up and brushes off the back of her jeans. Bucky takes a deep breath. 

“You don’t want to see the place now?”

“Doesn’t seem to be much of a reason to,” she says quietly. He grabs her hand and tries to pull her closer. She resists and holds her ground. 

“Let’s go back inside--”

“I was thinking about how you said we’d  _ fucked _ ,” he blurts out. “I don’t understand why you thought that.”

Her eyes are dark and unreadable. He can’t stand that. He can’t stand that he can't tell what she’s thinking and he can’t stand the fact that she’s learned how to hide her emotions. It scares him. 

“Do you want me to respond to this or is this just you throwing out the first thing you’re thinking?”

He doesn’t know what to say or what she wants him to say so he stays quiet. He quickly realizes that was a mistake. She shakes her head and huffs out a cold laugh. 

“Ciara...it’s an ugly word. I wouldn’t just fuck you. That’s...you’re not a piece of ass to me. You’re not...what did Sam call them? You’re not a booty call--”

She actually laughs this time. 

“Sam taught you what a booty call is?” 

“I wouldn’t say taught…”

“He  _ showed _ you??” 

“NO!”  

She narrows her eyes. 

“Have you slept with someone else, Buck? Or fucked someone else--”

“Jesus Christ,” he growls and drags his hand down his face. “No, Ciara. You were the last woman I touched between 1942 and four goddamn days ago.”

“Why does it bother you then?”

“Because it’s vulgar, Ciara. I’m not fucking you...I’m...I’m trying to love you,” he says looking down. He can feel the heat on his face. He feels her hand on his arm and when he looks up her eyes are so much softer and he can see the warmth in them again. She reaches for his face and he leans into her touch. 

“Bucky, I didn’t mean to offend you by what I said. It wasn’t like our first time and I just kind of figured it was us getting that pent up frustration out after so long,” she explains. “I haven’t looked at another guy, gal, horse, whatever since I was last with you.”

“Horse?”

She smirks and he finally cracks a smile. 

“Made you smile,” she says. He tries to pull her closer again and this time she lets him. “That was some of the old you coming out just now.”

“What do you mean?” he asks as he nuzzles her neck. 

“I don’t think the old you would have approved of the word fuck when he took a dame as you call them.”

“He would not have,” he agrees. He furrows his brow and lifts his head. “How many dames do you think I’ve slept with?”

“I don’t know.”

“You make it sound like I was some kind of…”

“Player?”

“Fuck boy.”

“Oh wow! Okay, no...what? Who taught you this shit?” she asks as she tries not to laugh at him. 

“Television is a cesspool of knowledge.”

“Cesspool is right. No, I don’t think you were a fuck boy. God, I hope you weren't…”

“Things were a lot different back then, doll. You couldn’t just woo a girl with drinks and sweet words and get her into bed. I mean you could, but those girls had bad reputations,” he tries to explain. 

“Not like today. Wine me, dine me, sixty-nine me.”

“You aren’t someone I would do that with regardless. I told you I loved you and I meant it. I wanted you to remember how good it was until I got back. I was good...right?”

“Bucky, the first real orgasm I ever had was courtesy of you that day. The second one was also courtesy of you. Prior to that, it was me waiting for him to finish so I could do the goddamn job myself.”

“How many...I’m not allowed to ask that am I?” he asks when he sees her eyes widen. 

“No. You shouldn’t ask your significant other how many people they’ve screwed, blown, eaten out, whatever prior to seeing you. It just sets the bait for jealousy and hard feelings. I don’t want to know how many girls you’ve conquered before me, Buck, I don’t care. They’re your past.”

“You’re my future,” he says caressing her cheek. “Still want to pick the lock?”

“If you’d like.”

He kisses her and lets her go. She drops to her knees and starts on the lock. 

“The first one you had was courtesy of me,” he says and smiles. He’s proud of himself. 

“You’re are so charming and cute when you want to be,” she says, “got it!” She pushes the door open. He’s more than a little surprised by this. 

“It’s a neat trick, baby. Think you can teach me?” he asks. 

“You can get professional kits on the web.”

“You can get anything on the fucking web,” he tells her, “including mail order brides.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of sketch...what the hell happened in here?” she asks as they step inside. The furniture is gone but the floors are still scratched to hell and the walls still have damage and are covered in god knows what.

“Steve thinks it was cockfights.”

“Roosters or…”

“That other option sounds painful, doll,” he says reflexively grabbing his crotch like he needs to shield his boys.

“Hard to say what people are into these days, honey.” She’s not pleased based on the look on her face. 

“They’re going to clean it up. They said it will be professionally cleaned and repainted before Thursday.”

“That’s tomorrow, baby. This is...a mess. Do you have stuff stored or is at Steve’s?”

He was afraid this would come up. How does he tell his future wife he has literally nothing. 

“I’m supposed to start getting checks. They’re going to mail them here…”

“If you open at least a savings account they’ll direct deposit your money into it and you’ll get it a lot faster, Bucky.”

His eyes widen a little.

“How do you know? How did you find out?”

“Clint told me right after I went and convinced Fury that I wasn’t going to be a goddamn field agent. I refused.”

“Good! Good! No! I don’t want you in the field, baby. I want you to be safe,” he says cradling her face in his hands. “I want to know you’re safe. I want to come home to your beautiful smile.”

“I want you to come home to me, Bucky. You’re the reason I smile.”

“I’m the reason you cry,” he grumbles. 

“I’m pretty sure those tears of yours were my fault,” she says running her fingers over his beard. He takes her hand and kisses her fingers. 

“It’s my own faul--”

“It’s over, honey,” she says pressing her finger to his lips. “I don’t want to think about it. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, beautiful. Let’s get out of here.”

“We need to open a checking account for you anyways.”

“It’s seven, doll. No banks are open now.”

“Welcome to the digital age, Bucky. They don’t need to be now.”

He smiles and follows her out of the apartment marveling at the sway and swish of her hips and the way her jeans conform to her ass. He’s going to buy her lots of dresses. So much easier to work with.


	41. Can't Keep Their Hands To Themselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. And it's a long chapter.

“Do you have a laptop, sweetheart?” Ciara asks as she watches Bucky shut and lock the door. He nods. 

“Hang on and I’ll grab it. Unless you want to come back to the bedroom with me.”

He gives her a flirtatious smile that makes his eyes sparkle. He closes the gap between them and scoops her up. Ciara giggles and he smiles more. He carries her to the bedroom and places her on the bed. He’s still so gentle with her. 

He opens his closet as she kicks off her sneakers and scoots back on the unmade bed. The room smells like him, his intoxicating scent that she’s dreamt of for what seems like an eternity. 

“What’s wrong, doll?”

“Nothing,” she says looking at him and smiling. He skews an eyebrow and looks around worriedly. 

“It’s a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Bucky, stop,” she says reaching for him. He hands her the box with the laptop in it and then takes her hand. She pulls him closer and he climbs onto the bed and positions himself so he’s sitting behind her. He puts his arms around her waist and kisses her neck. 

“I love you,” he murmurs from her neckline. “I’m sorry the room is a mess.”

“Stop,” she says patting his thigh and then squeezing it. “This is brand new, honey. Have you ever used it?” she asks looking at the box. 

“I’ve used it. I was looking for rings for you on it,” he admits. “I wanted to have one for you, but I can’t...there’s so many and I don’t know what you like--”

She can hear the panic building up as he talks. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” she says leaning back against him and reaching for his face. He leans into her touch and sighs. 

“I remember after you left that night...I remember planning on how I would support you when I got back. How I would make sure you had everything your heart desired. You were what kept me going. You and the hope that…”

He trails off. She hears the dry click in his throat when he swallows. He picks up her hand and runs his thumb over the tips of her fingers. 

“Hope that what, baby?” she asks softly. He doesn’t answer, not right away. 

“I wanted to come back to you and see you with our baby,” he says quietly. He pulls away from her and she knows he’s upset by this confession, but she doesn’t know why. She shifts how she’s sitting so she can face him. His eyes are down and his hands are balled up into fists. She runs her fingers along his jaw and then lifts his chin making him look up. 

“Are you upset that I wasn’t?” she asks nervously. 

“No, baby,” he says and looks away again. “It’s selfish of me...to still want that…” he’s struggling to talk to her but he’s trying. God love him, he’s trying. 

She takes his right hand and laces their fingers together. He slowly puts his other arm around her again. 

“When you left...all I could think about was coming home to you. It started to...it started to change the more I thought about you. I started…” he takes a deep breath and she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. 

“I started to hope that I had left you with a bun in the oven. That’s what really kept me going...thinking about coming back to the Pavilion and seeing you,” a hint of a smile comes to his lips as he says this. He looks up, his blue eyes searching hers. 

“It’s selfish--” he begins to say. 

“Is it?” she asks. “Is it selfish to have a dream and hold onto it when everything else has come crashing down around you?”

He furrows his brow. 

“But it’s what I wanted, Ciara. I never gave what you wanted a second thought.”

“Different time, right? I was supposed to be the happy homemaker, popping out babies, making sure your dinner was hot and ready and making sure the house was kept up,” she says trying to kid around with him. 

“I wouldn’t have expected that…”

She smiles knowing he’s not being completely honest. 

“I would have taken care of you so you wouldn’t  _ have to _ work. You could just…” he stops and puckers his lips. 

“Stay home and take care of the house and kids?” she asks. He sticks his tongue out. 

“I only wanted the best for you, baby. I still do.”

“What about what you want?” 

“I just told you.”

“No, Buck. What do you want now? I told you I wasn’t going to hold you to your promise of marrying me--”

“I want to marry you,” he says cutting her off. 

“What else do you want?”

“What do you want?” he asks trying to turn the tables. 

“I asked you first.”

He groans. 

“I don’t want to upset you…”

“What the hell would you say that’s going to upset me?” she asks surprised by his statement. 

He studies her for a few moments. 

“I still want to have a family with you. I still want to have a baby or babies…I don’t...you’ve been through your own hell and for me to ask that…”

She takes a deep breath. His answer to her next question will determine the fate of their relationship. 

“How disappointed will you be if I can’t have kids now?” she asks dropping her eyes and looking at his hand that is holding hers. He rests his head against hers. 

“I want whatever you want--”

“James, that is a shit answer,” she says quickly. He lifts his head. 

“It’s not a shit answer.”

She looks at him. 

“If I can’t conceive...that’s part of your dream that dies if you stay with me.”

His blue eyes harden.

“What the hell does that mean?  _ If? _ ” he demands. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not going to walk away because you can’t have a baby, Ciara. If you want to have a family with me we have other options,” he says taking her chin and locking her in his gaze. “I told you what I’ve wanted, what I still want, but I need to know what you want, beautiful,” he says gently, his eyes softening to match his tone. 

“You really wanted to see me with a baby on my hip?” she asks. The idea has taken root in her heart and is growing rapidly. 

He gives her a grand smile. 

“I did.”

“You still do.”

He nods. 

“That doesn’t answer my question, baby,” he says running his fingers through her hair. She closes her eyes when he does it again. 

“I want you to be happy.”

“That’s a shit answer,” he says using her words against her. She glares at him. He sticks his tongue out. He’s planted that seed, though. A family with him. 

“I do want a family. I want to settle down with you. I just...I don’t want you to be disappointed if I can’t…”

“I won’t be, I promise. We can adopt when we’re ready.”

“That’s the other thing, Bucky. With all we’ve been through - you especially - I don’t want to rush into a family situation till we get ourselves sorted out.” She braces for his response, scared that he’ll be pissed off at what she’s said. 

“Look at me,” he says turning her face so he can look into her eyes. “I know this. I’m seeing a therapist. I know we aren’t ready yet, Ciara, but maybe in time we will be. I waited this long, I can wait a little longer. And now we’re together. Right?”

He’s seeking confirmation from her that they are still together after all that’s happened. 

“We are.”

“Are you...will you move in? With me?” 

“Do you want me to, Bucky?” 

“Yes,” he says nodding his head. She scratches his bearded chin and he sticks it out further and gives her a happy sigh. 

“We need to get you set up with an account,” she says bringing them back around to their original plan. 

“Do you have one?” he asks as she changes position to lean back against him so she can access the laptop.

“I do,” she replies as she pulls the laptop from the box. It’s a cheap one, some off-market brand. 

“What’s wrong? You don’t like it?” he asks as she looks the laptop over. 

“I’m a tech junky, sweetheart. I grew up stealing pieces to build computers. Learned to hack--”

“Learned to pick locks. What the hell kind of school did you go to?”

She laughs. 

“Only the best,” she jokes. She opens the laptop and turns it on. 

“I like tech.”

“Yeah?” she asks genuinely pleased to hear this. “What kind? Do you have anything you’re really interested in?”

“It’s all new to me, doll. All of this...it wasn’t even heard of. Which is why you weren’t as impressed at the Pavilion as I was,” he says and runs his fingers over her ribs. She squirms and giggles a little. “Now I understand. I thought you were bored.”

“I was far from bored, Bucky. I was focused on you. And I was impressed with the flying car, thank you very much.”

He laughs a little and wraps his arms around her. 

“Still no flying cars. But none of this stuff was there either.”

“That’s because no one wanted to listen to Hedy Lamarr when she came up with the idea of wifi.”

His embrace loosens. 

“What?” She can hear the confusion and disbelief in his voice.

“This thing is slow as shit,” she gripes as she looks at the box. “No wonder. No hard drive space, barely any RAM, a shitty little processor--”

“English.”

“I only speak English, smartass,” she teases. “You have a crappy little laptop, sweetheart. It’s...it’s not even powerful enough to just open a text document.”

“Is this why it’s so slow?” he asks wrapping his arms around her tightly again. He rests his chin on her shoulder and she nuzzles him. 

“That would be why, but for now it’ll suffice.”

“Tell me about Hedy.”

“She was apparently stupidly intelligent and didn’t want to be known for her looks.”

“She was known for just that,” Bucky states as he presses his nose behind her ear. 

“She wanted to use her idea of wifi to help with the war but no one wanted to listen to her because she was just a pretty face and didn’t have the standard firing equipment in order to be taken seriously.”

“This is my rifle, this is my gun?”

“You’ve seen the movie?” she asks in surprise.

“Sam made Steve and I watch it. He said it’s a classic. It was pretty fucked up, that’s for sure.”

“I love the first half of that movie. The guy playing the drill sergeant was an actual sergeant. He got the part by going in there and just doing his thing.”

“Seriously?” Bucky asks. She loves the delighted surprise in his voice. 

“Yup. Who better to do it than an actual military drill sergeant, right?”

“I suppose,” he mumbles going back to nuzzling her. “I like this.”

“What? I need you to sign in, handsome,” she says when the login screen finally appears. 

“This. Holding you. Listening to you tell me about stuff. Not treating me like I’m an idiot.”

“Why the hell would I treat you like an idiot?” she demands, turning herself in his arms to try and look at him. He gives her a shy smile. 

“I’m just glad you aren’t is all. Keep talking. Please. I like this. I mean it,” he says and kisses her cheek. 

“Login for me, honey,” she says shifting in his arms. 

“Login is my name. Password is just that.”

“Oh, Bucky,” she groans. 

“What?” he asks and then kisses her neck. She squirms a little. 

“Fastest way for someone like me to hack your shit is to do what you’ve done.”

“You’ve hacked me before though.”

“I hacked HYDRA to find out about you,” she corrects him. 

“That’s no small feat, doll.”

“That’s because they don’t use  _ password _ as their password, James Barnes,” she teases. He nips at her neck making her jump. He chuckles and she smacks his thigh. 

“Ow,” he says dully. She starts to laugh. 

“Is it capitalized?”

“What?” he asks as he slides his hands up towards her breasts. She moves them back down and he grunts. 

“Password.”

“Nope,” he replies as he tries to slide his hands back up. She stops him again and this time he growls. She can feel it reverberate in his chest and it makes her ache for him. She fights her baser instincts for the time being and signs into the laptop. It slowly starts to open the desktop. 

“Jesus Christ we could do this faster on the phone,” she grouses. 

“Where’s your phone?” he asks between kisses to her neck. The desktop finally comes up. 

“Here we go,” she says clicking on the Chrome icon. “Bucky,” she says pushing his hands down again, “not till we’re done.”

He hits her with that needy growl again flooding her with heat and need. 

“I’ve got seventy years to catch up, beautiful. You make it hard to focus.”

“The sooner we get this taken care of the sooner you can strip me.”

“Deal,” he says giving her all of his attention. He pulls her back against him and she can feel his erection pressing against her lower back. She moans and his hands go back to her breasts. 

“Buck.”

“Damnit,” he grumbles. 

The browser page opens to a display of engagement rings. He wasn’t kidding. 

“Bucky…”

“I told you.”

“Did you...did you find one?” she chances to ask.

“No,” he says sounding deflated. “But I’m going to keep looking. I just...maybe you’ll give me a hint.”

She looks at the selection that’s pulled up. 

“Let’s do your bank account first,” she says absently as she scrolls through the images. His chin is on her shoulder again, looking at what she’s doing. He shifts behind her. She knows he’s uncomfortable. That much of a package being constrained can’t feel good. 

“Take your pants off,” she tells him. 

“You said--”

“I said you could strip me when we were done. No point in you being uncomfortable and blowing the zipper out of those jeans.”

This makes him chuckle. He kisses her cheek and slides out from behind her. 

“Keep looking, doll. If you see something show me,” he says as he stands up. Ciara tries her damndest to not watch him as he removes his belt, unbuttons his jeans, pulls the zipper down, and then yanks the jeans down over his hips. She tries to look at the rings, but the precum that's visibly soaked through his boxers makes it impossible. She bites her lip in a desperate bid to focus. He gives her that devilish grin and runs his hand over his hard length. 

“Bank account,” she hears herself say as she feels her wetness soaking her panties. The things he does to her…

“Hmph,” he grunts and climbs back behind her. He makes sure to rub himself against the small of her back. 

“Do you have protection?” She decides to ask to see if she can curb his sex drive for ten minutes. 

“No?”

“Are you asking me or telling me,” she says glancing over her shoulder. His eyes are so dark with lust the blue is nearly gone. 

“Why do we need it?”

“We just had this conversation not ten minutes ago, sweetheart. Kids?”

She sees his shoulders slump and his brow furrows. She turns her attentions back to the laptop and pulls up a list of banks. He rests his head on her shoulder and puts his arms around her again. 

“I don’t have anything,” he sighs. “I just want to touch you.”

It’s the softness of the admission that finally gets her. She closes the laptop and leans back against him letting him slide his hands back up to her breasts. 

“What do you plan on doing since we don’t have anything?” She asks as his lips fan that fire inside her into a blazing inferno. 

“Pull out,” he murmurs. She laughs. 

“Doesn’t work. Especially since you’ve got some swimmers at the ready here,” she tells him as she reaches behind her and palms his erection. He ruts into her hand and moans soft and low. 

“We don’t know if they’re even viable.”

“You’re going to take that chance?”

He grazes her neck with his teeth and she takes his hands and squeezes her breasts harder. 

“What do you suggest? I’m not running to the store and leaving you here alone…”

“Afraid I’ll get myself off before you get back?” She teases. He stops kissing her neck. 

“Ciara...you...is that…”

She’s flustered him so much he can’t speak.

“Say it,” she encourages him. He moves her so she has to look at him now. His eyes are wild with need. 

“You...really?”

“You don’t?” She asks looking down at his cock. 

“Yeah, but that’s a guy thing.”

She give him a wide eyed look of amusement. 

“Oh, I see. So because I don’t have the gun to fire I can’t play?” She asks as she moves to straddle him. 

“I didn’t say that,” he says quietly, his voice thick with desire. “But you do? You have?”

“Have what? Say it.”

“Touched yourself.”

“Want to watch?”

Bucky looks like he’s about to lose his goddamn mind now. He nods his head, mouth slightly agape. She pulls her shirt off and he reaches for her breasts. 

“Let’s make a wager,” she says pushing his hands away. He huffs at her.

“Wager. Like what?”

“If you come before I do you have to open the bank account tonight AND come with me to see about birth control AND—“

“Oh god,” he groans.

“And, smartass, you let me take you shopping.”

“If I come first?”

“Yeah.”

“You know I have the serum, right?”

“I do, too.”

“Mine is stronger. Better stamina,” he says proudly. She can’t help the smirk that forms on her lips. 

“Alright, James Barnes. Let’s see how far that stamina gets you. No touching. You touch, you lose.”

“Well that’s bullshit,” he gripes. “What the fuck is the fun…”

He stops talking when she takes her bra off, grabs her breasts and squeezes them hard enough that she makes herself moan. Bucky is already out of his boxers and on his knees looking like he’s going to pounce. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” she says wagging a finger at him. “You’ll lose.”

“Such bullshit. Take it all off,” he orders her. The softer Bucky is gone and in his place is the harder, more direct Bucky. She wonders if this is a carryover from his Winter Soldier days. She does as he’s ordered her to do, taking her sweet time as she strips. His cock is damn near dripping and he’s fighting to keep from touching her and himself. 

“Ready?” She asks as she lays back on the bed, legs closed, and propped up on her arms. He nods. She opens her legs and when he sees how wet she is he makes a sound akin to a wild animal, his hand going to his cock to stroke and rub the precum down his shaft. Watching him do that only turns her on more. She licks her index and middle fingers and then rubs slow circles on her clit as she keeps her eyes locked with his. She dips her fingers inside her wet pussy and her head rolls back as she rocks on her hand. She brings her head back and locks eyes with him again. He’s about to lose it. She smiles and spreads her legs further, quickening the pace her fingers are plunging in and out of her body. She makes the mistake of closing her eyes and he’s on top of her, her hand being removed from her pussy and pinned over her head. 

“You win,” he pants. “You win.”

“Then get on your back and let me collect my reward,” she tells him, planting her hands against his chest to keep him from trying to devour her. 

“No...I need to be inside you,” he argues trying to force his weight down on her. 

“Trust me.”

He stops and blinks, then sits back and lays flat on his back for her. She crawls between his legs and he watches her with a mix of trepidation and excitement. 

“No touching,” she says softly.

“You can’t be—“

His words catch as she runs her tongue over the head of his cock. He grabs fistfuls of the sheets and his legs tense up. 

“Relax, baby,” she whispers, “relax. Trust me.”

His legs slowly straighten out and he lets go of the sheets. She licks him again and then goes down further to his sack. She licks along the seam and he sucks in air as his legs immediately go back to being bent and tense. She rubs his thighs till he starts to calm down. She goes back to his thick cock and smiles. 

“Ready?’ She asks. He nods. She drops her head down and takes in as much of him as she can. She presses her lips to his cock and swirls her tongue around him then slowly comes back up. She keeps doing this, increasing her speed ever so slightly. She can hear him moaning quietly, his hands full of the sheets again. She cups his balls and fondles him while she bobs up and down listening to his moaning become constant. She uses her free hand to corkscrew around the part of him she can’t get to. She sees his head eyes roll up and then close. 

“Ciara,” he moans, “I can’t...hold back…”

He no sooner gets the words out and he involuntarily thrusts deeper into her mouth as his hot cum fills her mouth and nearly chokes her as she tries to swallow it all. 

She waits till his cock has stopped pulsing in her mouth before removing her mouth and licking his sensitive head to clean up what she may have missed. He gasps and bucks when she does, the sheets are now off the bed and in partial heaps next to his hands. She sits back on her haunches and waits for him to open his eyes. 

He opens them slowly and a satisfied smile spreads over his lips. 

“I think I love you.”

She laughs a little. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But now it’s my turn,” he says looking her over. “I want to watch you again, though.”

“Watch me…? Go down on you or—“

“Finger yourself.”

She smiles. 

“Remember your offer to pull out?”

“Yup,” he says crawling towards her and parting her legs. He takes her fingers and pops them in his mouth then guides them to her wetness. 

“Think you can remember to do it?” She asks. She denies him seeing her fingering herself for the moment. He looks confused. 

“Yes.”

“Lie back down, handsome.”

“Ciara…”

“You’ve done all the work up until now,” she says softly, “let me show you that you don’t have to.”

He backs up and then lays on his back. She straddles him and his cock twitches and jumps, precum leaking from the head once more. 

“I still want to watch,” he tells her as he puts his hands on her hips. He tries to pull her up so he can get inside her, but she shakes her head no.

“Just watch,” she tells him. He stops trying and waits. Ciara leans back so he can see her wet pussy. She spreads her lips and he moans. She runs her fingers along the outside and his cock twitches more. She dips her fingers inside herself and works them in and out as her thumb bumps and rubs against her clit. She begins to rock her hips as her need for him builds. 

“Ciara,” he growls, his fingers digging into her hips. “Goddamn, doll…”

She pulls her fingers out and licks them and he growls. She leans forward and drops her wet pussy on his cock. He shifts trying to get inside her. She plants her hands to his chest and shakes her head now. She swipes herself up and down his length, watching his head roll from side to side as his hips buck into her. She stops and he stills his movements. She smiles and rubs her clit working herself almost to a breaking point. 

“I’m going to cum as soon as you get inside me,” she whispers. 

“Jesus Christ,” he growls picking her up and pushing himself into her. She cries out as he penetrates her, her walls clenching on him as she comes. She hears him groan loudly, feels him try to pull back out but she’s so deep into her orgasm he either can’t or won’t and he fills her with his seed. 


	42. The Condom Dilema

Bucky loosens his grip on Ciara and lays on his back panting. 

“I couldn’t pull out,” he pants. 

“I know,” she says slowly. Her head is down and she has her hands on his chest holding herself up. He massages her hips. He can see fingerprint marks from where he was gripping her so tightly. 

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. She lifts her head and gives him a curious look.

“For what?”

He rubs her hips gently. 

“Not pulling out. Hurting you.”

“Bucky, you didn’t hurt me,” she says moving his left hand. She sees the marks and runs her fingers over them. “It’s just red, sweetheart. I don’t bruise as easily as someone else would.”

He caresses her hip and sighs. 

“We can’t keep tempting fate, though,” she says after a moment. “Which means I guess I should get off of you.”

Bucky watches as she dismounts. The thought of being so close to her now and possibly having a family together is trying to override common sense. 

“If you do get pregnant we’ll be alright.”

“No we won’t,” she says laughing uneasily. “Bucky, I’m a fucking train wreck. Between watching my friends die, not knowing what the fuck happened to my brother, being subjected to Cordova’s bullshit, getting injected with something that damn near killed me, going back in time - which was the  _ only _ thing that isn’t a complete clusterfuck - I just...I don’t want to project any issues I might have onto a baby.”

“No. I don’t want to do that, either,” he admits in defeat. She runs her fingers over his chest. 

“I know how badly you want this. You’ve waited a lifetime. Please be patient. Just a little bit longer,” she pleads softly. He kisses the top of her head. 

“If it means that you’ll stay with me, Ciara, I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long as it takes,” he says gently. “But if you do get pregnant, don’t think for a second I won’t be the happiest man on the goddamn planet.”

He feels her laugh quietly and then she snuggles closer to him. 

“I think you’d be terrified.”

“Oh you’re damn right,” he fully admits. “But I’d still be happy.” 

She runs lazy circles over his pecs with her fingers. Her touch is something new to him, but something he’s been longing for. He kisses her temple and pulls her closer. 

“We need to get your account open, handsome,” she murmurs from his chest after a few minutes. She sounds content where she is and Bucky is beyond content right now. Having her in his arms, cuddling with her, the feel of her skin against his, the warmth of her breath, the softness of her touch...he’s yearned for all of this and now he’s finally got it. 

She stirs a little and then sits up. He grunts in dismay and runs his hand down her back. 

“Come on, handsome. The sooner we get the account open the sooner we can go back to cuddling.”

Bucky stretches and grunts. He watches as her eyes roam over his body and it makes him grin. 

“One of us may have to go get condoms,” she mutters as she runs her fingers over his thigh muscle. It makes his cock twitch. 

“I’ll go. What do you need to open the account, baby?” he asks as her fingers trace further up his thigh. 

“Bucky…” It’s a halfhearted protest. She lifts her fingers and sighs. 

“We’ll get this sorted out,” he says sitting forward and cradling her face in his hands. “Tell me what you need from me to open the account and I’ll go to the store and get protection.”

He’s impressed he’s actually able to make the offer. He’ll be even more impressed if he can get out the door and actually go buy them. 

She growls in dismay. 

“Social security number, address of the new place, phone number for you,” she grumbles. Bucky slides from the bed and opens one of the dresser drawers. He pulls the lease he signed out and then grabs one of the stray pens he’s drug into the room and writes down his social and phone number on the back. 

“Here, beautiful,” he says handing her the lease. “Don’t be mad. We agreed this is for the best.”

She barks out a laugh.

“You make it sound like we’re breaking up.”

“NO!” he yells and all but jumps on her. “No. Definitely not,” he purrs dropping his weight over her body. She runs her fingers through his hair and shifts just enough so that his cock is now resting between her legs and butting against the entrance to her heated core. He presses his lips to hers and rubs himself against her, listening to her moan softly into their kiss. 

“Ciara,” he groans as they break apart. 

“Go,” she says breathlessly, “before I change my mind.”

He panics.

“Change your mind about what?” he asks propping himself up on his elbows. She studies him, her stormy eyes flash for a second. 

“Keeping you in bed with me. Working on a family.”

Bucky sighs. 

“Go on,” she says again. He kisses her and gets up. He finds his clothes and gets dressed while she watches him hungrily. 

“I won’t be long,” he promises as he tries to pull the zipper over his erection. He winces when he finally gets the zipper up, his cock constrained to the point it’s painful. Seeing her naked on his bed makes it so much worse. 

“Hurry back, handsome,” she purrs and opens her legs a bit more for him. 

“Ciara,” he warns. She closes them again and smiles. He stalks over to her, kisses her firmly and then forces himself from the room. As soon as out of the apartment he’s running as fast as he can to get to the local drug store. 

He’s back inside the apartment in under ten minutes. All he can think about is rolling one of those things over his cock and then sinking balls deep into her sweet pussy. 

“Ciara!”

“Bedroom!”

He starts stripping as he heads back towards her. He opens the door to his room and she’s still naked, sitting Indian style on the bed with the laptop in front of her. She skews an eyebrow when he charges into the room and bites her lip. She closes the laptop and lays back. 

“Goddammit,” he growls. He’s all but shredding his jeans and shorts to get out of them and get to her. He finally gets stripped and manages to get the condom on. He climbs onto the bed and kisses his way up her legs, biting her thighs, making her legs snap open. He runs his tongue over her clit and when she moans and arches it drives him into a frenzy. She pulls on his arms trying to get him into position. He obliges and once he’s over her she wraps her legs around his midsection and guides him into her heated core. 

It’s not the same with the condom on and he’d give anything to go au natural into her again. He tries to focus on her but she’s not having it either. 

“You’re not liking this are you?” she asks when he stops. He sighs heavily. 

“Deep sea diving with a raincoat on,” he says trying to give her a comparison. She smiles.

“It’s not the same for me, either, handsome.”

“We can try the pullout method again,” he offers. She shakes her head no. He slides out of her and rolls onto his side. He pulls her closer and puts his arms around her. Ciara snuggles into his chest, running her nails lightly over his skin. 

He wants to debate this whole  _ let’s wait till we’re more ready for a family _ thing. It’s not just the sex. That’s definitely part of it - and maybe a big part of it - but it’s not all of it. He really wants to settle down with her. He’s wanted to have a family with her since 1942. So what if she gets pregnant before they get married? MTV has an entire fucking show dedicated to teenage mothers who aren’t married (boy that shit would not have flown back in the day). He’s still going to marry her regardless. And if she can’t have kids, well they’ll figure out what they need to do to adopt. He doesn’t think that’s the case though. He’s also fairly certain he’s still intact and virile. The apartment across the hall would be a start. They could have that other room turned into a nursery in no time. He’d keep going to therapy for as long as it takes and she agreed to go, so there shouldn’t be any issue with that. They’re both working - even though he’s not sure he likes that idea entirely. He knows they would love the baby more than anything. He’s waited so long for her and for this. The time is right.

Bucky pulls himself from his thoughts when he hears the soft sigh come from Ciara. She’s sound asleep in his arms. He hugs her briefly and settles into his pillows with his best girl in his arms. The future Mrs. James Buchanan Barnes. And if he’s lucky, soon they’ll be a trio. He’s never wished for something so hard in his life. 


	43. Bucky Gets Called Away

Ciara wakes up to someone knocking on the bedroom door. 

“Buck?”

Bucky groans and sighs deeply. He’s still asleep and doesn’t want to be woken up. He’s like a big bear. She’s still in his arms, her head pressed to his chest where she can hear his heartbeat. 

The knocking comes again. Bucky’s embrace around her tightens and he growls. 

“Buck. Get up. Ciara?”

This makes her laugh. It’s Steve trying to get Bucky up. 

“Steve,” she calls.

“Don’t answer him. He won’t stop,” Bucky grumbles. His eyes are still closed. 

“Get him up. We’ve got to go.”

“Go where?” Bucky demands. His voice is loud and rattles her eardrums. 

“Fury has something for us. Short and sweet. Let’s go, man!”

Ciara’s good humor disappears. 

“Fuck,” Bucky mutters finally opening his eyes. Ciara’s breath is taken away for a moment when she looks into those blue eyes. 

“Ciara, now. I need him. I will come in there--”

“Don’t you dare!” Bucky yells. He pulls the sheet over Ciara. 

“Go see what he wants before he has a conniption fit,” Ciara tells him. Bucky gives her a rough kiss and rolls out of the bed. She watches him stretch admiring his physique and feeling that burning desire for him build inside her again. 

He pulls his boxer briefs back on and points to the covers indicating he wants her to pull the rest of the blankets over herself. She does and Bucky slowly opens the door.

“How much time do I have?”

“Ten minutes then we have to be out the door. She’ll be okay.”

“I know she will. Ten minutes,” he says and closes the door. He turns around to face her and rubs his chin. 

“This is where it starts to really fucking suck,” she says softly. She doesn’t want him to go. 

“I know, baby,” he says climbing onto the bed next to her. “If Steve says it’s short and sweet than that’s what it is. Hopefully. Here,” he says getting back up and grabbing something from the dresser, “this is the key to the apartment. It should be ready today. See how you want to set it up--”

“Bucky, it’s your place,” she protests. 

“It’s  _ our _ place,” he corrects her. “Besides, I’m sure you have better taste,” he says kissing her. She looks at the key in her hand and smiles. Bucky opens his mouth like he’s about to say something else but then closes it again. She cocks her head to the side and gives him a questioning look. He gives her that gorgeous half grin. 

“Please be careful,” she says running her fingers over his bearded jaw. 

“I will. I want to come back to my best girl and her beautiful body,” he says and then pounces on her. She squeals and laughs as he smothers her in sloppy kisses. 

“I gotta go, doll,” he says finally stopping. He grabs clean clothes and rushes from the room. She grabs his shirt from the previous day and pulls it on while she looks for her panties. 

He’s back just as she’s pulling them on. 

“I love you. Wear all of my clothes. You look fucking amazing. I’ll be home soon,” he says rapidly. He kisses her hard on the lips and heads back to the door. 

“James Barnes.”

He freezes. She folds her arms over her chest and gives him an impatient look.

“Is that how you kiss me before you leave?” she asks trying to sound offended at how rushed he is. She sees the color rise up on his cheeks and the grin spread over his lips. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” he says coming back to her. He puts his arms around her and then dips her down and kisses her passionately. He lets her go and pulls her upright again. Ciara’s lightheaded.

“Better?” he asks. 

“Fucking smartass,” she mutters. He laughs and kisses her cheek. 

“I love you, Ciara. I’ll be home soon,” he promises. She can hear Steve barking for him to hurry up. 

“Bye, boys! Be careful!” she yells.

“Yes, ma’am!” Steve yells.

“Love you, doll,” Bucky yells. She hears the door close and a chill ripples through her. She’s alone. 

It takes her a little while to come to grips with the fact that Bucky is out on a mission, that this is his job, and that she’s alone in Steve’s apartment. 

“This sucks,” she mumbles. She cleans up Bucky’s room, laughing as she pulls dirty clothes out from under the bed that he’s kicked their either intentionally or not. She makes a pile of them and looks for a hamper. He doesn’t have one. He probably doesn’t have any of the basics. 

She grabs her phone and makes a list of things he’s going to need for the new apartment. He said it was theirs, he’s made it clear he wants her to move in, but Ciara is still leary that he’s still running off of his elation that they’re both able to be around each other for more than a couple of hours without someone having to run off or get thrown back into cryo. She’s nervous and excited about it, but she's more concerned about how he’s going to feel once he gets back. She doesn’t want to force him into anything or have him feel like he’s pressured to have her there. Clint said she could stay at the tower in that efficiency if she wanted, so there’s a back up if need be. 

Her phone rings. 

“Ciara Catalano? This is Maria Hill. How soon can you be at the Tower?”

“Uh...about thirty minutes? I don’t know. I don’t know how to get--”

“I can have someone come get you. Thirty minutes? Can you make it fifteen till you’re ready?”

“Yeah,” she says not sure what she’s agreeing to. “Fifteen.”

“Good. Be outside the building in fifteen minutes.” 

The line disconnects leaving Ciara to look at the phone in a less than amused manner. 

She realizes she doesn’t have anything to wear but what she had on yesterday. 

“This is fucking stupid,” she mutters. She calls Clint.

“I was wondering when I’d hear from you,” he says when he answers. 

“Somebody named Maria Hill called and said I’m supposed to be getting picked up in fifteen minutes. I have no clothes--”

Clint bursts out laughing.

“Shut up, Archer.”

“I’ll let Hill know I’m coming to get you. What do you want...Ooooh, I get to go through your drawers!”

“Oh my fucking god…” Ciara groans. Clint laughs more. 

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to wear to see this woman?” Ciara asks. 

“Look nice. I’ll see what you have in your closet. I’ll be there in about twenty. Let me call Hill and let her know,” Clint says. 

“Refrain from bringing over the crotchless panties, Clint.”

Silence.

“If I wasn’t married…”

“You can wear them. Free ball,” she suggests. She barely gets the suggestion out and she cracks up laughing. 

“You’re an asshole. I’ll be there soon,” Clint tells her. She can hear him trying not to laugh. 

“Bye,” she says and hangs up. She decides to get in the shower before Clint gets here. Hopefully, Bucky won’t mind her wearing some of his clothes temporarily. 

She steps into the shower and scrubs down wishing more and more that Bucky was here. Maybe not being a field agent was a mistake. Maybe she should be one and that way she could make sure he’s safe…

She steps out of the shower just as the buzzer for the door sounds. 

“Jesus, Clint,” she grouses as she hastily wraps a towel around herself and hurries to the door. She presses the intercom button.

“Come on,” she says.

“Yup,” comes the reply. She runs back to the bedroom and digs through Bucky’s dresser till she finds a pair of sweats and a tee shirt. She pulls them on and a few minutes later Clint is knocking on the door. 

“Here,” he says handing her the clothes, “get dressed. Hill isn’t happy we’re making her wait. Nice outfit,” he remarks looking her over. She flips him off and heads back to the bathroom to get changed. She fixes her hair and gets dressed quickly. 

“Looking good, Princess,” Clint says clapping when she reappears. She bows and he laughs. 

“So who is this Hill lady?” she asks as they head out. 

“Second to Fury. I heard Buck and Steve got the call.”

“Yeah,” she says heavily. Clint opens the car door for her and closes it after she gets in.

“Don’t worry about him, Ciara. You know what kind of training he’s had. Steve’s trained, too. They’ll take care of each other,” Clint says trying to assuage her fears. 

“Maybe I should take Fury up on his offer to be a field agent,” she says absently. Clint takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. 

“Then you’d be doing it for the wrong reasons and you’d end up getting you or Bucky or both of you killed. You don’t go into the field to protect another agent otherwise you miss the objective.”

“I don’t want to lose him, Clint. Not after all of this.”

“I know,” Clint says patting her knee. “Don’t think about it, though. I’m sure he wants to get back to you as much as you want him to come back. The way you’re glowing I can only imagine why.”

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” she says trying not to laugh. Clint grins as they pull into the parking garage. 

They head inside and Clint takes Ciara to Maria’s location. 

“Call me if you need me,” he says putting his hand on the back of her neck and kissing her forehead. He hesitates for a moment, Ciara stiffens, Clint nods his head and walks off. Ciara walks into the room looking for Maria. 

It was a test. Fury had this woman set up some lame shit to see what Ciara could do as far as infiltration and intel recon. It was frustrating and time wasting. 

“You seriously couldn’t have me do something that actually had some merit to it?” Ciara demands. 

“We needed to see where your strengths are,” Hill answers matter of factly.

“Are we satisfied or would you like me to stand on my head and touch my nose while I recite the alphabet backwards?”

“It’s just a measure of your capabilities. You’re going to be a great asset. There’s not enough of us that can do this  _ and _ have field training.”

“Uh huh. Anything else?” she asks. 

“Not until further notice,” Hill says calmly. Ciara takes that as her cue that she’s being dismissed. She walks out of the room and down the hall. She looks at her phone and sees an alert from her bank. There’s been a deposit to her account already. 

“Damn,” she mumbles. She calls Clint. 

“Hey, Princess.”

“Hey. I’m finished. Finally. Are you free?”

“For you, I can be.”

“Stop flirting.”

“I’m not?”

“You are.”

“I’m not, but I am wearing your crotchless panties. So silky.”

She bursts out laughing garnering looks from some of the others meandering around the hall. 

“You’re horrible.”

“Yeah, yeah. She tells me that, too,” Clint quips. “You ready to go back?”

“Come have lunch with me, Clint.”

“Really?” 

He sounds genuinely surprised by this offer. 

“Just lunch. There’s no double entendre here,” she tells him. 

“Well damn,” he says trying to sound disappointed. “Where are you?”

“Same floor you left me on.”

“Come up to the lobby. I know a good place to grab a bite and a drink,” Clint tells her. 

She heads to the elevators and then up to the lobby. Clint is waiting for her. 

“Bucky and Steve are safe. They arrived in one piece. With luck they’ll be on their way back in a few hours,” Clint tells her. She feels a small wave of relief wash over her. He takes her outside to the awaiting car. 

They go and have lunch and then Ciara asks Clint if he’ll take her to a few stores to get some of the stuff on her list for Bucky. 

“Shopping for the new place?” he teases. 

“Yeah...shit…”

“What?” he asks worriedly. 

“Because I’m a fucking genius I left the key to the new place at Steve’s place and…”

“And you don’t have a key to get back into Steve’s place. Well…”

“Goddammit,” she gripes. 

“You’ve got the apartment at the tower,” Clint reminds her. 

“How do I tell Bucky where I am?” she asks. 

“Send him a message. His phone is locked up till he’s back in a safe zone. Hopefully, he checks it before he gets back and flips shit that you aren’t there.”

 


	44. Bucky Finally Calls

Ciara is sitting in the small apartment at the tower staring at her phone. It’s almost midnight and there’s been nothing from Bucky. She’s trying to fight off the panic but it’s an uphill battle. What if he got hurt? What if he doesn’t want her there anymore? What if something happened? What if he thought this through about marrying her and he doesn’t want to be bothered? What if he found some other girl and is shacked up with her?

Her mind goes through scenarios that either involves Bucky being hurt and pinned down or him moving on without her and leaving Ciara behind. There’s no pattern, the scenarios come and go at random and they never stop and it’s all she can do not to break down and cry. 

She checks her phone again. It’s still fully charged, there’s plenty of signal, but nothing from Bucky. She checks to make sure the volume for the ringer and notifications is all the way up. 

At just after two she curls up on the funky couch and lets the tears fall. Her mind continues to torture her with every kind of possible outcome until she cries herself to sleep. 

She’s rudely awakened by her phone shrieking at her and vibrating off the coffee table at just after eight. It’s Clint.

“Are you okay?” he asks as soon as she answers.

“No,” she sobs and starts to cry. 

“Alright, alright,” he soothes, “he got called to another mission. I thought he would have called you or sent you a message but I guess he couldn’t. It’s going to be okay,” he promises. 

Ciara tries to find solace in that but can’t. 

“I’m on my way up. We need to get you back into the gym anyway. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Ciara hangs up before Clint can say anything else. She wipes stray tears from her face as she tries to pull herself together. Bucky can take care of himself. He’s been trained. He’s a fucking assassin for god’s sake. Which means he doesn’t need Ciara to take care of him. He can do that himself. And he’s so motherfucking gorgeous all he has to do is lay on a little charm to whatever piece of ass he’s targeting and they’re his for the taking. 

Her phone rings again. This number she doesn’t recognize. 

“Hello?” she says struggling to keep her voice even.

“Hi, beautiful.”

“Bucky…”

“I only have a minute. I love you. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Don’t leave me, Ciara. I’ll be home--”

“Buck, she’s not going to leave you,” Ciara hears Steve say gently. 

“I’m not leaving you,” she affirms. 

“Your message said you were at the tower,” Bucky says quietly. She can hear the hurt in his voice. Does he think she left him?

“Because I don’t have a key to Steve’s apartment and I left the key to your apartment at Steve’s.”

“ _ OUR _ apartment, right? It’s ours. You’re moving in?”

“I bought stuff for you and our new place,” she tells him as she glances over at the hampers she purchased. 

“You did?” She can hear the sudden shift in his tone and how happy that made him. 

“I did. No more stuffing your clothes under your bed, Sergeant.”

He laughs a little.

“Yes, ma’am, Mrs. Barnes. I have to go, beautiful. I love you. Please wait for me.”

“You know I will, sweetheart. I love you always.”

“And forever,” he adds. “See you soon.”

The line disconnects. It seems Clint was right and Bucky wasn’t able to call until now. Hearing how distraught he was over her message (which in hindsight she should have made a little more clear) and hearing how badly he wants her to be there when he gets home has soothed her fears. Hearing how elated he sounded that she bought things for their new place has put a smile on her face. She’s so beyond in love with James Buchanan Barnes that there’s no hope of saving her. 

Clint comes over as promised with pancakes for them. They sit and watch TV like little kids. It makes Ciara think of how she and Gabe used to watch TV when they were in the foster home together. 

“What happened to Gabe?” she asks softly. Clint chokes on his pancakes. 

“What?” he rasps. She looks at him but doesn’t repeat her question. Clint wipes his mouth and takes a large gulp of coffee. 

“I thought you knew,” he says at last. 

“I don’t know what happened to him, Archer. I just...I kind of had a feeling he’s...gone.”

Clint nods. 

“Cordova never used that against you I take it.”

“What?”

Clint puckers his lips. 

“There’s footage of Van Doran giving Gabriel what looks like the same shit he gave you. Your brother had the same reaction, but no one was there to help him. I’m sorry, Ciara…”

Ciara swallows her heart. Deep down she knew Gabe was gone but there was a small part of her that had hoped he was alive somewhere, somehow. 

“I thought Cordova would have taunted you with that. If I had known...I would have told you sooner, Ciara. Honest to god--”

“It’s not your fault,” she says reaching for his hand. Clint takes it and squeezes gently. “That whole thing was…” she shakes her head, her words trailing off. 

“I have the footage. If you want to see it, but...Ciara, I’m sorry.”

Clint’s genuinely upset over this.

“I’m not mad at you.”

“I should have told you.”

“You thought I knew. You just said that. And on some basic level I guess I did,” she says softly. Tears spill from her eyes and she wipes them away absently. Clint slides closer to her and puts his arms around her. He sighs deeply and rests his head on hers. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. 

“Were you there when…?”

“No. The timestamp on the video is more than a month before I was summoned there.”

“Where are Cordova and Van Doran now?”

“In custody. Highly classified information that not even I’m allowed to access and don’t think they’ll let you just waltz in there and hack their shit like you did to HYDRA,” Clint says quickly. He’s not stupid, that’s for damn sure. 

“They killed my brother,” she says through her tears.

“I know.”

“They need to pay.”

“I’m not disagreeing, Princess, but those two shit bags are tied to even bigger shit bags who are tied to Barnes apparently. Or were.”

Ciara looks up at Clint.

“But Cordova was SHIELD...Bucky was...are you telling me that these two fucking organizations were working together this whole fucking time?!” 

“Under the radar, unbeknownst to the people who were trying to do the right thing. One of the Winter Soldier’s last missions prior to being sent after Steve was to take down a very high ranking General. We found out she had tiebacks to both Van Doran and Cordova. Van Doran was a double agent for HYDRA, to begin with--”

“What the flying mother fuck? This is...how the fuck do you know what side you’re fighting for? They’re all the same goddamn people!” Ciara demands. 

“Welcome to the world of politics, espionage, and global bullshit. That’s why SHIELD folded - mostly. The Avengers are just what SHIELD could have been and should have been. You just try and do what’s right, Princess. That’s all any of us can do,” he says gently. Ciara sighs heavily. 

“If Gabe and I had just stayed home…”

“You wouldn’t have met Bucky. God knows if Steve would have been able to break through HYDRA’s programming if you hadn’t started chipping away at it beforehand.”

“Newton’s third law,” she mumbles as he rubs her neck. 

“The motion one?” Clint asks. 

“No. The one that says for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

“Or you can just go with everything happens for a reason.”


	45. Home Briefly

The jet lands and Bucky is already up and grabbing his gear before they come to a complete stop. 

“Miss your girl, huh?” Sam asks teasing him a little. 

“If you had one you’d miss her, too,” Bucky fires back. 

“That’s enough,” Steve says tiredly. “Buck, are you going back to my place?”

“At some point, but I need to go see Ciara,” he answers. He’s all but pushing the hatch open to get out. 

“Have you found a ring?” Sam asks. Bucky stops. 

“No,” he says remorsefully. Sam pats him on the shoulder.

“A friend of mine works at Belair downtown Manhattan on the corner of Fifth and Park. Go see them with your girl, Buck. Let them show you what they have, see if anything sparks her interest. You’ll know. Her eyes will light up.”

Steve smiles and nods in agreement. 

“I told him you might swing by with your girl.”

Bucky is speechless. Steve pushes him lightly. 

“Thanks, Pigeon.”

“You’re welcome, you cantankerous old fart.”

Bucky grins and flips him off. The hatch opens and he rushes out and heads to try and find Ciara. 

The elevator ride up takes forever. The doors barely open and he’s squeezing past them to try and find her door. He can’t remember which one is hers. He gets his phone and calls her, his hand shaking because he’s so eager to see her again. 

“Hi, handsome.”

Her voice is soft and warm and goddammit he needs to have her in his arms right now.

“Hi, doll. Where’s this temporary housing of yours?”

She laughs. He feels his knees get weak. 

“Are you back?”

“Standing in the hall,” he tells her. There’s silence. 

“Ciara?” He’s afraid he may have lost her somehow. 

“Bucky!”

He turns and sees her running for him. He drops his gear and runs towards her and when he gets to her he picks her up and lets her wrap herself around him.

“God I missed you,” he mumbles into her neck. She pulls free and cups his face in her hands while she looks him over. 

“Are you hurt? Are you okay?” He can hear the fear and worry in her voice and it touches his soul. 

“I’m alright. Tired. Sore. But I’m home and you’re here--”

He doesn’t get to finish, she’s planted her lips to his and is kissing him fiercely. 

“I missed you,” she says when she lets him go. Her eyes shine and it makes him smile. 

“Then let’s get out of here, doll. Steve said I could take the bed since he insists you and I defiled it.”

This makes her laugh. 

“You should have told him not to be so jealous.”

“He has Nat and her rubber suits…”

Ciara’s jaw drops and the look of shock on her face is priceless. Bucky starts to laugh. 

“I don’t think I can be in the same room as him anymore,” she says blinking a few times like she’s trying to clear the imagery from her head. 

“But you’re okay with Nat?” Bucky teases.

“I can’t say I’m surprised to hear this, no.”

“Hmm...no. I don’t want to think about Steve or Natasha in rubber suits. I want to think about getting back to our place and defiling the mattress some more,” he mutters as he moves his lips to her neck and sucks hungrily at her. She moans softly and Bucky’s drive to be inside her takes over. 

“I need you,” he growls walking her backward till she’s against the wall. He takes her hand and presses it to his barely contained erection. She moans louder, deeper, the sound is almost like she’s purring and it drives him deeper into his lust. 

“Not in the hallway,” she mumbles between his hard kisses. He grinds into her and groans, assuming she means no in general. He steps back from her panting, his face is flushed and his body is aching. She takes his hand and leads him back to the small apartment she’s been staying in. As soon as she shuts the door she pounces on him. He barely manages to catch her and drops onto the couch with him on top trying desperate to remove the layers of clothes between them. He rips her shirt off and then tears the bra to expose her breasts. He sucks greedily on them as she works her way out of her jeans and then fights with his clothes. He gets up long enough to strip and then drops on top of her again, rubbing his cock against her wetness. 

“James…” That throaty purr again that renders him unable to think. He sinks into her heated core making her arch up into him, her eyes closing, as she gasps in delight. She’s so tight around him it won’t take much for him to shoot his load. He thrusts deep and slow at first, but soon he’s plowing her hard, deep, and fast. She’s begging him to keep going, her tits rubbing against his chest, her lashes fluttering. 

“Ciara…” he growls as he tries to hold back from dumping inside her till she’s finished. She opens her eyes fully and Bucky grins.

“Come for me, doll,” he tells her. “I want to feel that tight pussy come on my cock,” he growls. Her eyes roll up and she moans loudly. He can feel the intensity in the heat of her body skyrocket. 

“Come for your man,” he orders her. She grinds up into him, he can feel her starting to flutter around his cock.

“James,” she pants. “Oh god…”

“Come for me, beautiful.”

“ _ James! _ ” She cries out as her pussy clenches around his cock and her legs lock around him. He can’t hold back and he empties himself into her, letting her orgasm pull his seed from him. 

He lowers himself slowly onto her watching to see if he hurts her with his weight. She takes him willingly into her arms, her breathing still ragged, her body still a furnace from her orgasm. 

He didn’t pull out again. There were no condoms this time. He’s torn between broaching the subject with her again and keeping his mouth shut to keep from starting an argument. 

She’s running her fingers through his hair, something he would never in a million years thought he would enjoy. She’s so gentle with him. She’d be just as gentle with their baby. Or babies. What if she had twins? The idea makes him giddy.

“What are you doing?” She asks suddenly.

“Laying on you,” he answers and furrows his brow. “Why?”

“You’re heartbeat just tripled.”

“It did?” He asks more than a little surprised by this. 

“Yes. Since you’re not doing anything, what are you thinking about?”

He slides himself out of her and pushes himself up. She stays still, laying on her back, one leg bent at the knee, her hands resting just above her perfect breasts. He runs his hand over her leg, up her thigh and then just below her belly button where he lets it stop. 

“Don’t say anything till I’m done. Just listen. Will you do that for me, baby? Please?” He asks keeping his eyes down for fear of what he’ll see in hers. He sees her tense up immediately. He chances to look up and sees she’s scared of what he’s going to say, but she nods her head yes just the same. 

He looks back down at her stomach and runs his fingers over her skin. Just as he’s about to say something his phone rings.

“No,” he tells it. She laughs a little. 

“I think you have to answer that one.”

“Fucking shit,” he grumbles and grabs his pants from the floor. It’s Natasha.

“What—“

“I know you two are in the throws of passionate sex. We can hear her screaming your praises in the lobby, but we’re up. Again. Steve’s already in the hangar. Clean up and meet us there.”

“Are you fucking kidding? I just got back,” he gripes. He sees Ciara sit up and wrap her arms over her chest. 

“I don’t Kid about this stuff, Barnes. The sooner you’re down here, the sooner we can leave, the sooner we can get back.”

“Fucking...fine. Ten minutes,” he says hanging up. “I need to get showered. Come with me. I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I have to go.”

“What were you going to say?” She asks nervously. He tilts his head and studies her. 

“It’s not important. I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“That would be my general train of thought,” she admits softly. He lifts her chin and gives her a loving smile.

“Not going to happen, beautiful. What I am going to suggest is that you pick Steve’s lock, get the key to our place and do what you can. When I get back we’ll see about furnishing the place and getting you a ring,” he promises. 

She smiles uneasily. 

“Ciara, I’m not ending this. Short of you and Clint fucking each other in front of me, there’s nothing you can do that would want me to end this.”

“Why would I fuck Clint?”

“He likes you.”

“For fuck’s sake,” she groans. “I love you. Not Clint. Not like that at least. He knows this. He’s accepted it—“

“He’d fuck you if he was given the chance. You don’t see it but I do.”

“I see. So if you did see us fucking?”

“Rather than lose you I might ask to join in.”

“Get the fuck out of here!” She yells and starts to laugh. “I don’t want to share you with him.”

“Wait a minute. No. That’s not what I meant—“ he says trying to backtrack and figure out how the hell he ended up with Clint and not Ciara in this twisted hypothetical. 

“You need to shower. Nat may show up in a rubber suit if you’re not done in time,” she warns. Bucky makes a popping sound with his lips and then leans over her forcing her to lay back on the couch again. 

“Let her. She can watch while I get you to sing my praises again,” he whispers. Ciara mewls, the sound barely audible, but he’s gotten the desired effect. He can feel the heat radiating from her again. He slides his fingers between her legs and rubs her clit making her writhe and squeeze her breasts. 

“You’re running out of time,” she whispers. 

“Better make it fast then, huh?” He says sinking into her again thrusting quickly. She grinds up into him and it doesn’t take long before she’s got her hand rubbing circles on her clit and she’s clamping down on him again as she comes. He thrusts hard a few more times and then he fills her again. 

“Shower,” he pants as he pulls out. He extends his hand and pulls her up. She takes him back to the shower and proceeds to wash him, albeit hastily, including his hair. 

“What about you?” He asks as he watches her stand on the tips of her toes to rinse his hair out. 

“I’m not on a time constraint. I got my first check. You may have yours, too.”

“Really?” 

“I can show you how to check when you get back—“

“Key to the mailbox is on the same ring as the one for the apartment,” he says cutting her off. “Check to see if they sent that card you were telling me about. If my check is there, use it to buy whatever you want for our place, baby.”

“I’d rather have you there with me.”

“I trust you, Ciara. You know that,” he says caressing her face. She leans into his touch. He’s livid he has to leave again so soon. He glances down at her belly and holds back the urge to start talking to her about this now. 

“Please be careful,” she says quietly. He kisses her gently. 

“I will. I will be back soon. I love you, beautiful.”

“I love you, Sergeant Barnes.”

He grins and steps out of the shower. 

“Get what you want. Make it home, baby. I love you,” he calls out to her as he rushes from the bathroom and puts his clothes back on. No time to think about clean clothes now. 

“I love you always!” She yells. His heart skips a beat as he runs out of the apartment. Twenty minutes all told, but Nat will get over it.

  
  



	46. Home At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **** This Chapter Has Been Updated/Edited*******

Bucky sits in the cockpit with Steve and rubs his eyes.

“This isn’t normal is it?” He asks. Steve shakes his head no.

“No, but it happens. We’re all tired. I know you want to get back as much as I do,” Steve says.

“I’ve seen her for maybe thirty-six hours in the last month, Steve. I’m supposed to marry her. I want her to have my son—“

“Slow down, Buck,” Steve interjects quickly. “Have you broached that subject with her?”

“Yes and no.”

“Which is it?”

“She says we should wait till we’re both a little more ready,” Bucky sighs.

“And you don’t feel the same?”

“No. I mean, there’s only so much you can do to get ready for a kid. I’m going to that therapist still and she agreed to go, too. I just…” he huffs out an uneasy laugh.

“I get it. You’ve wanted this with Ciara since forever. But you can’t force her if she’s not ready, Buck.”

“I know. I’ve been trying to talk to her about it, but shit just keeps coming up.”

“Kids are a lot of work. Ask Clint,” Natasha says from behind them.

“How much did you hear?” Bucky asks turning around to face her. She gives him a smirk.

“I’m a spy for a reason.”

“You were supposed to be asleep,” Bucky argues.

“Maybe I was,” she shrugs. “Kids are a lot of work,” she says again. “Are you sure you and Ciara are up for that? Especially if Uncle Steve gets a hold of them and feeds them hyperactivity inducing shit?”

“Uncle Steve,” Steve muses and smiles. “Wait a minute!” He barks at Natasha when he realizes she’s trying to throw him under the bus. She laughs at him and pats his shoulder.

“Uncle Steve would know better,” Bucky says flatly and gives Steve a look.

“Why is this about me suddenly?” Steve demands. “If I want to spoil your kid I’m damn well going to do it and you won’t stop me.”

“There you have it. You could take the kids to the Smithsonian—“

“That’s it,” Steve growls cutting Natasha off and making her laugh. “You’re in for it when we get home.”

Bucky grins and shakes his head.

“What are you laughing at?” Steve demands. “You’re older than I am.”

“Oh yeah,” Natasha adds, “You two could go on field trips to look for the Holy Grail.”

“If you don’t shut her up I will,” Bucky threatens. Natasha laughs at the idle threat.

“There’s only one way to shut her up,” Steve says and smiles coyly.

“Fuck off, Rogers,” Natasha growls and slaps his arm.

“Do tell?” Bucky asks, further antagonizing the situation.

“She’s quiet when she’s got my cock down her throat.”

“Motherfucker,” she growls. “That’s the last time you’ll ever get one, too.”

The look of horror on Steve’s face makes Bucky laugh so hard he damn near pisses himself.

They finally land and Steve and Natasha are still arguing. Steve’s trying desperately to take back what he said and Natasha is defiantly telling him to go buy a toy to fuck because she’s not having his sorry ass apology.

“See what you did?” Steve demands.

“Me? No. That was all you, kid. Get her some flowers and buy her a new rubber suit.”

“You’re trying to get me killed, aren’t you?” Steve growls.

“Laid. Not killed. Speaking of, I need to go home and see my future bride.”

“Have you two set a date yet?” Natasha asks as she swats away Steve’s advances.

“No. Whenever she’s ready we’ll do it.”

“Are you doing a church wedding? Vegas wedding? Over the falls in Niagra wedding?” Natasha persists.

Bucky drags his hand down his face.

“I. Don’t. Know. Natasha. It’s what she wants. If she wants to go over the fucking falls we’ll do it.”

“That’s illegal,” Sam says walking into the hangar. “Just so you know.”

“It’s illegal,” he repeats to Natasha.

“Like that’s going to stop you or her,” Natasha counters. Bucky goes to argue and decides against it.

“Are you heading over to the apartment?” He asks instead.

“Yeah. Call her and see where she is. Maybe we can have dinner together,” Steve suggests. Bucky pulls out his phone and calls Ciara. It goes to voicemail. He tries again. Same thing.

“She’s doing something with Hill,” Clint says walking into the hangar. “If that’s who you’re trying to call.”

“It is. How do you know?” Bucky asks trying to contain his jealousy.

“I had breakfast with her when Hill called. Don’t get your shorts in a twist, Barnes. We’ve had this conversation. I have my own family to look after. She’s a good friend.”

“That’s where it stays,” Bucky tells him flatly. Clint rolls his eyes and nods toward the smaller of the jets.

“Play nice,” Steve warns him. “Clint saved her, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Dinner? The four of us?” Natasha asks quickly.

“Sure,” Bucky agrees absently. She goes chasing after Clint.

“I trust her. You should trust Ciara. Clint isn’t going to do anything. He loves those girls like family,” Steve says giving Bucky a gentle shove towards the exit.

“He loves Nat like family.”

“Buck, stop,” Steve says firmly. “Does she show any interest in him?”

“Not while I’m around, no.”

“Does she talk about him?”

“No.”

“Stop being jealous. She loves you. She’s moving in with you or may have done so...you should maybe check on the status of things.”

Bucky debates for a moment if he should go back to the apartment with Steve or try and find Ciara. He gets the answer when his phone rings. He lights up when he sees it’s his girl calling him.

“Hi, doll,” he purrs into the phone.

“Hey, sweetheart. Are you on your way home?”

“You could say that. Where are you?”

“Up to my fucking elbows in bullshit with Hill. Are you okay?”

“I miss you, but other than that I’m alright,” he tells her. Steve taps his shoulder and motions for Bucky to follow him.

“I’ve missed you, Bucky. So help me god if they call you away again somebody’s gonna get their ass beat.”

He chuckles at her threat.

“From what Steve told me we’re due for a rest unless it’s a dire emergency. Apparently, if they run us ragged we’re not good to them. Have you made any headway with the apartment?”

She sighs heavily.

“Not really. I’ve been working in here on all kinds of crazy shit. People are fucking insane, Buck.”

He barks out a surprised laugh at her candor.

“I’m glad you’re amused.”

The elevator dings and the AI greets them.

“You shit! You’re here?!” she demands.

“Yeah. Trying to find my best girl,” he says with a big grin. Steve is shaking his head.

“You better tell this bitch to run because if I catch her she’s dead.”

“Jesus Christ, Ciara,” Bucky laughs, “you know you’re my best girl. Where are you, doll?”

“Heading to the elevators now. I’m on sublevel five.”

“Tell it to stop at five, Steve,” Bucky says.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., stop at sublevel five, please,” Steve says to the AI. “You know you can just talk to her.”

“Yeah, just talk to her,” Ciara says mimicking Steve.

“Ha.”

The doors open and Ciara is waiting for him with a huge smile on her face. He barely gets a foot out of the elevator when she’s got her arms around him and is hugging him as hard as she can. He grunts at the increased pressure on his already tender ribs.

“Buck?” she says panicking and letting him go. She runs her hands down his chest trying to figure out where he may be hurt.

“Just tender ribs, doll. Nothing major,” he promises as he pulls her back against him. Just to be able to hold her in his arms and inhale the sweet smell that is her makes everything so much better for him. She peppers his neck and jaw with kisses till she gets to his mouth where the kiss develops quickly and her tongue snakes it’s way over his bottom lip and into his mouth.

“Breathe you two,” Steve teases. Ciara lets him go and Bucky cups her face in his hands.

“Can you leave now?” he asks. She shakes her head no.

“Not yet. I have to finish this up. Another couple of hours at the most, hopefully. Where will you be? Are you going back to Steve’s?” she asks as she runs her hands gently over his sides. He takes her hands and kisses her fingers.

“That’s the goal. Think you can escape a little sooner, beautiful?”

“I’ll try. Here,” she says putting something in his hand. It’s the key to the apartment. His heart clenches.

“Ciara--”

“James, it’s alright. I’ll come over as soon as I’m done. Just promise me if you get called--”

“We won’t,” Steve assures her. “He and I are due for some R & R. At least for a few days.”

She nods her head that she understands.

“Let me try and finish this up,” she says softly. Bucky can’t seem to let her go. He kisses her fingers again and sighs heavily. Her ring finger on her left hand is achingly barren. He has to fix that. He has to talk to her about the family situation too.

“Buck,” she says gently. He looks into her eyes and she gives him that beautiful, warm smile.

“Don’t be long, baby,” he tells her. “I need you, too.”

“I love you, handsome. I’ll be done as soon as I can.”

She kisses him and pulls her hands free.

“Come on,” Steve says patting him on the shoulder. Bucky steps back into the elevator and watches the doors close as Ciara blows him a kiss.

“I need a ring. And I need to figure out how to talk to her about the family situation. Shit! What if she went to the doctor while we were gone?” Bucky asks looking at Steve in dismay.

“Buck, stop. Please. Focus on getting moved in first. Then get the ring. Show her you’re serious about this stuff first. Once you guys get settled then bring up the family thing. Calm down, Buck.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. He knows Steve is right.

They head back to the apartment.

“If she gave you the key…”

“She picked your lock,” Bucky laughs as Steve opens the door. “You know you can buy kits online.”

“She told you that. Don’t tell me that’s something you just know,” Steve says flatly. Bucky laughs.

“Maybe I do.”

“You don’t. Stop being a damn jerk.”

“Yeah, yeah, punk,” Bucky says waving away Steve’s statement. “You getting in the shower?”

“Yeah. Are we ordering in?”

“Fuck yes. I don’t want to go out if she’s coming over. I’m too tired to go out anyway.”

 


	47. A Visit to Medical

Ciara and Maria finally call it quits and Ciara decides to make a pit stop before heading over to Steve’s. 

She takes the elevator down to medical and nervously approaches the counter. She’s never been one for doctors, even before all the shit with Van Doran went down. 

She’s greeted by a nurse or someone she assumes is a nurse. The professional smile makes her more leary to be down here. 

“Hello,” the nurse says. It’s practiced niceness. Customer service agents have that tone, Hattie used to tell her. Hattie used to do customer service. She misses her friends so much. Her heart sinks a little and she forgets how to answer the nurse. The nurse doesn’t seem phased, just tilts her head a little and waits for Ciara to answer. 

“Hi. Hi,” Ciara finally mumbles. “I need to see someone.”

“I gathered as much,” the nurse teases a bit. “What brings you in…” she drops her head down to look at something out of Ciara’s sight, “Miss Ciara Sorano?”

“That’s a pretty impressive fucking trick,” Ciara tells her, not hiding her shock.

“State of the art bioimaging courtesy of Mr. Stark. Security and safety for the team,” the nurse explains. Ciara understands and is impressed, but still unnerved. 

“I...uh...I need to see about birth control,” she says softly. She doesn’t know why she’s embarrassed only that she is. The nurse still isn’t phased. Apparently, Ciara and Bucky aren’t the only ones who are fucking someone. She knows Pepper and Tony are an item - everyone knows that. She knows Steve and Natasha are an item. She wonders if Sam prowls the streets looking for hookups or if he has a girl he keeps hidden somewhere. Clint has Laura - and so help him if Ciara finds out he’s cheating on Laura she’s going to kick Clint’s ass up between his eyeballs. Maria never mentioned anything about an S.O., but they didn’t really talk about anything but the project. The one they call Rhodey she’s only seen briefly and she can’t even wager a guess as to what he’s up to. 

“Follow me. I’ll get your vitals and some details and then the doctor on duty will see you,” the nurse says getting up from behind the desk. She comes around and leads Ciara to a private room where she makes good on her threat for the vitals. She asks tons of questions, about allergies, about medicines, about recreational drug and alcohol use, if she’s been outside of the country in the last six months. When Ciara told her she was in Wakanda that was the first time the nurse showed any sort of differing emotion. She looked at Ciara in astonishment. 

Then they get to the sexual activity questions. 

“Are you currently sexually active?” the nurse asked. 

“Yes.”

“When was the last time you had intercourse?”

“About a month ago, maybe a little more.”

“Any chance you could be pregnant?”

The question makes Ciara freeze and goosebumps erupt on her skin. 

“I...no? I don’t…”

“Have you used any form of protection?”

Now she really is embarrassed. 

“Once.”

“Have you had multiple partners recently?”

“No,” she replies taking offense to the question.

“Routine questions. It’s okay,” the nurse tells her. 

“When was your last period?”

“Jesus...I don’t know.”

The nurse looks at her quizzically. 

“I can’t remember,” Ciara tells her feeling defensive. “I’ve been through some shit in the past few years and keeping tabs on Aunt Flo wasn’t a priority for me.”

“Understood. I’ll let Doctor Anwar know you’re ready,” the nurse tells her as she leaves the room. Ciara bares her teeth in a snarl as the door shuts, hating every second she’s here. But...Bucky’s home now and she knows that the two of them can’t keep their hands off each other. She should have done this sooner and she’s kicking herself for waiting till he got home to do it. 

The doctor walks in a few minutes later, a heavyset older woman with her hair pulled back in a tight ballerina-style bun. 

“Doctor Anwar,” she introduces herself and extends her hand to Ciara. Ciara takes it and they shake briefly. 

“Ciara.”

“Pleasure. I understand you’re here for birth control, is that right?” the doctor asks cutting right to the chase. 

“Yes.”

“Standard procedure is to run at least one pregnancy test before I administer anything. Given the fact that you don’t know when your last menses was and that you’ve been sexually active within the past month I’m sure you can understand why.”

Ciara has to give the woman credit, she doesn’t dick around. 

“Understood.”

“There’s a bathroom two doors down. Inside on the left, you’ll see a little cabinet. I had the nurse place a sterile specimen cup in there. Fill is as much as you can and then put it back. The nurse will be by to collect it shortly after. Come back to the room when you’re done.”

She gets up, opens the door for Ciara, and points in the direction of the bathroom. Ciara sighs and heads down the hall. She does as she’s asked and returns to the room wondering how much longer this is going to take. All she wants are some goddamn birth control pills. 

A few minutes later the doctor comes back in. 

“I’m ordering a blood test.”

“Why?” Ciara asks suspiciously. 

“We did three urine tests and they all came back positive. I just want to rule out that this isn’t something to do with the serum you’ve been enhanced with. The blood test will be absolute and even then we’ll run that a few times.”

“I’m sorry...did you just say...I’m pregnant?” Ciara asks. Her mind is spinning trying to go in a million different directions at once. 

“Not exactly. I said the three urine tests we did came back positive. False positives are possible…” she stops talking when someone knocks and then opens the door. It’s the nurse followed by another young lady. 

“This young lady will draw some blood. We should have the answer in as little as an hour,” the doctor tells Ciara. Ciara squeezes her eyes shut and opens them slowly. 

“There’s a chance this is a false positive?” she asks the doctor as the nurse and the tech play with her arms looking for a viable vein.

“Yes. It happens. I just want to be certain it isn’t the serum causing the tests to read that way. Relax, Miss Sorano, your health and well being are our priority as is your privacy. No one will have access to anything that’s done. Even though we’re employed by Mr. Stark we still have to abide by the HIPAA privacy laws.”

“Yeah,” Ciara says absently. She doesn’t notice the nurse telling her there’s going to be a pinch and barely feels the needle stick. 

“How long will it take again? To get the results?” Ciara asks coming out of her stupor. 

“The soonest? An hour maybe less. You don’t have to wait--”

“No! No. I’ll wait. I’ll wait,” Ciara says hastily. The doctor nods. 

“You can wait in here if you’d like,” she offers. “I can have someone bring you something to drink.”

“Rum and Coke?” Ciara asks not even joking about that.

“Not a good idea till we get a definite answer,” the doctor says calmly. She smiles a little when she says it.

“How about just Coke? Or Gatorade?” the nurse offers. 

“Coke, please.”

The nurse nods and walks out with the doctor. Ciara is trying not to panic. Anwar said it may be a false positive. She seems intent on that. The serum could probably fuck up test results. That seems very likely given all the other shit it’s done to her. 

She told Bucky she’d be back as soon as she was done but there is no way she can go back till she has an answer. He’ll take one look at her and panic and if she tells him why he may panic more. 

But he may not.

He wants a family so badly. Is he really ready though? Is she? What if he just thinks he’s ready and if she tells him she’s pregnant he loses his resolve and panics and runs and….

She pushes these thoughts away and holds onto the fact that Anwar seems to think the urine tests were false positives. 

Her phone rings. 

“Shit,” she hisses. It’s Bucky. She takes a long, deep breath and answers, forcing herself to be as calm and collected as possible.

“Hey, doll. Are you still working?” he asks before she can say hello. She can hear how tired he sounds. 

“I am, sweetheart. I’m trying to finish up as quick as I can,” she lies. She hates herself for it, but telling the truth right now doesn’t seem like a good idea. 

“I miss my best girl. I want to see her.”

“I find this hussy and Imma cunt punt her,” Ciara says trying to make the threat sound good. Bucky laughs. 

“Cunt punt?” he asks. 

“Buck!” Steve yells in the background. 

“Shut it, punk, I’ve heard worse from you,” Bucky fires back. This makes Ciara laugh. She’s surprised not only by the fact that she laughed but the fact that Captain America says bad words beyond just shit and damn. 

“How much longer do you think you’ll be, doll?” Bucky asks ignoring Steve’s comments in the background. 

“I don’t know. Hopefully not much longer. Why don’t you go lie down for a while, sweetheart? You sound like you’re exhausted,” she suggests. 

“I am, but I’ve slept away from you long enough. I had to open the windows in our apartment,” he says. She can tell he’s baiting her with that statement. 

“Oh?” she asks taking the bait. “I was afraid of breaking the goddamn things since the painters painted them shut.”

“Yeah, that was fucking stupid, but the place is airing out now. I had to step around all these bags in the middle of the damn floor to get to the windows.”

“Did you look in the bags?” she asks. He’s toying with her and even though she’s nervous as hell it makes her smile to hear some of his personality coming out. 

“Maybe.”

“Maybe,” she repeats. “Maybe I should braid your hair in your sleep.”

“Is it long enough?” he asks sounding sincere. She can’t help the laugh that escapes. 

“I meant your leg hair.”

“Not long enough to braid, smartass,” he retorts. She can hear the humor in his voice. “Don’t be too much longer, beautiful. I need you.”

His words make her heart ache. If she thought she could keep a poker face around him before she finds out for certain then she’d leave now. She knows she can’t however. 

“As soon as I can I’ll be over. Please think about taking a nap, Bucky.”

“I seem to sleep better when I’m with you.”

“You slept next to me once.”

“Best sleep of my life.”

She laughs again. She can hear him chuckling through the phone. 

“Try. For me. This way you don’t pass out mid-thrust later.”

There’s silence on the line now.

“I’m going to go take a nap. For you. Not because I’d fall asleep in the middle of making love to you, doll.”

“Uh huh,” she teases. 

“Serum. Remember?”

“Even super soldiers need to recharge, James Barnes. Don’t give me your shit.”

“HA!” Steve guffaws. He’s  _ really  _ close to the phone and Ciara guesses he’s probably been eavesdropping on the conversation for a while now. She hears a hard thumping sound and Steve bitching and then another thump and Bucky growling. 

“Stop fighting or I’ll send Natasha over to restrain you both. And I’m sure neither of you will enjoy it.”

“He would,” Bucky says taunting Steve. There’s another couple of thumps. They’re like little boys arguing just to do it. There’s a knock on the door and Ciara nearly drops the phone. 

“Buck, I have to go try and finish this up. I’ll see you soon, okay?” she says trying not to sound rushed. She presses mute quickly and yells for the person on the other side of the door to come in, puts her finger to her lips to keep them quiet, and then unmutes the phone. 

Bucky sighs in exasperation. 

“Alright, baby. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“I love you, handsome.”

Doctor Anwar is patiently waiting as Ciara disconnects the call. 

  
  
  



	48. The Worst News

Bucky cracks his neck and looks at his phone. Steve is on the phone with Natasha planning on what they’ll eat since he and Steve decided they didn’t want to go out. Bucky can’t imagine Nat wants to go out either. Everyone is tired. This relentless mission shit is just that - shit. He’s missed Ciara so much and the idea of her working late bothers him. The idea of her working at all bothers him, but that’s him being old fashioned and it’s something he’s going to have to work on changing because she’s not going to tolerate it. It’s not the forties anymore. He’s not even the same man he was in the forties. This is him now. 

“Buck.”

He looks up at Steve who is regarding him in a sort of puzzled way. 

“You in there?” Steve asks sounding a little worried. Bucky grins a little. 

“Mostly.”

“Thai?”

“Does she eat Thai?” Bucky asks.

“Nat? Yes. Ciara? I don’t know.”

Bucky sighs deeply. 

“Get it. Get her Pad Thai and...something sweet....”

“Something sweet, Nat. Sticky rice?” Steve asks Bucky. 

“That,” Bucky agrees.

“Mango sticky rice and Pad Thai for both of them. Does this mystery place you refuse to tell me the name of have that pineapple curried fried rice?”

Bucky snorts. Nat’s refusing to let Steve pay for dinner by not telling him where she’s getting the food. Sneaky dame. She makes Steve happy and based on the obscene noises he’s heard from the bedroom when they’re together she keeps him satisfied, too.

“I’m going to get in the shower. If Ciara shows up…”

“I’ll send her back to you, Buck. Relax. You know how Maria can be when it comes to these things. She’s thorough and from what Clint’s told me, Ciara is a whiz at breaking into computer shit.”

“She’s a smart girl, Steve.”

“She’s a good match for your stupidity, Buck.”

Bucky narrows his eyes at Steve. Steve folds his arms over his chest, a silent dare for Bucky to retaliate. 

“I thought Van Doran’s serum was bad. Erskine gave you the worst out of all the versions.”

“How so?” Steve asks. 

“You got the asshole version.”

“You’re done,” Steve says lunging for him. Bucky is off the couch in a flash and bouncing on his toes with his fists up in a mock boxing display. 

“Bring it, punk.”

“I’m going to kick your ass,” Steve threatens, taking a playful jab at Bucky’s head. Bucky ducks and throws a soft punch to Steve’s midsection. Steve laughs and tries to throw another shadow punch and nearly knocks the Scotch over. 

“Not the Scotch, Steve!” 

“Sweet Mother Mary!” Steve yells throwing his hands up and moving the Scotch to a safer place.

The two men look at each other and start to laugh. It’s not often either of them get to play around like this anymore much less laugh about it. 

“I’m going to get in the shower,” Bucky says stretching. Steve shoves him towards the bathroom and Bucky flips him off. 

He turns the water on in the shower to let it warm up and then strips down. All he can think about is Ciara and getting her a ring and getting the apartment set up and then…

He’s still clinging to the hope that she’ll be agreeable to them starting a family sooner as opposed to later. To be able to come home to her and their kids makes his heart swell. He never would have thought this possible a year ago. Not with all the two of them have gone through. But here they are and they are so close now. She’s going to be here soon and they’ll soon be moving into their own place. Tomorrow he plans on taking her to the jewelry store Sam made mention of to look at rings. He has the stupid bank card now and he called the bank when they got home to find out if his check was there since it wasn’t in the mailbox. Much to Bucky’s surprise and delight not one, not two, but three deposits have been made and he should have more than enough to get her any kind of ring she wants provided it’s not the goddamn Hope Diamond. Then, if there’s still money leftover (and he’s praying that there will be) he’s going to take her shopping for furniture. Everything she purchased so far is just small items - dishes, mugs, silverware, hampers (why she got two he doesn’t understand unless she’s using one for just her clothes), and god knows what else. Most of it is in shades of blue. He wonders if this is her favorite color. He likes the color blue and he loves the items she’s picked out but he’s concerned that she’s shopping for just him and not for both of them. 

He finishes up, thoroughly disappointed that she hasn’t shown up yet. Or at least she didn’t come into the bathroom so he could see her naked. Maybe that’s for the best because he knows for a fact that as soon as he sees her naked he’s going to want to be naked with her and touch her all over. 

He gets dressed still thinking about kissing every supple inch of Ciara’s body and checks his phone. 

“Fuck!”

He missed her call. He must have forgotten to turn the volume up on the phone. He immediately calls her back. 

“Bucky?” Her voice is broken and raw with pain. 

“Baby, where are you? I’m on my way. Tell me where you are,” he says storming to the living room to grab his boots. Steve and Natasha are on their feet in an instant. 

“I’m in medical at the tower,” she says. He can tell she’s crying. He can hear it in her voice, the way her words tremble. 

“I’m on my way, baby. I’m coming right now. Hold on for me. I’ll be there real soon,” he promises. “Where are the keys to the SUV?” he barks at Steve. Steve dangles them.

“I’ll drive,” he says pointing to the door. Bucky throws the door open and runs for the elevator followed by Steve and Natasha. 

“Baby, listen to me. I’m going to be there soon. Are you hurt?”

“No,” she whimpers. “I just…”

“Okay, okay, baby. It’s going to be okay. We’ll be there real soon. Okay?”

“Yes,” she answers through her tears. Bucky is going to go full berserker mode if she’s hurt. 

“I’ll be there soon. I love you,” he tells her. 

“I love you, too,” she sobs and hangs up. Bucky looks at his phone in distress. 

“What the hell is going on?” Steve demands as the elevator creeps down to the lobby. 

“I don’t know. I missed her call while I was in the shower. I called her back and she’s crying…” 

“Did she say she was hurt?” Natasha asks. 

“She says she isn’t. Why the fuck would she be in medical?” Bucky demands. 

“We’re going to find out,” Steve says as the elevator doors open. Steve scoops up Natasha and runs with her. Bucky is already ahead of them running to the back of the building to get to the parking garage. Once there, Steve unlocks the black SUV and lets them climb in. He guns the engine and speeds towards the tower. 

Steve doesn’t have the SUV fully stopped in front of the tower before Bucky is out of it and racing inside. He takes the stairs down to medical, leaping over railings and jumping the stairs as quickly as he can. 

“Ciara...Sorano…” he pants as soon as he gets into medical. The nurse behind the desk looks at him in shock and then points down the hall. 

“Third door on the left,” she tells him. Bucky takes off like a shot. He hears Steve and Natasha closing in behind him. 

He throws open the door and sees Clint sitting with Ciara rubbing her back while Ciara cries.  She looks up and starts to cry harder. Bucky looks to Clint for some answer as to what the hell is happening. 

“Sit down, Barnes,” he says quietly. Natasha and Steve burst into the room and stumble to a stop. Bucky ignores Clint’s order for him to sit and instead kneels down in front of Ciara and takes her hands. 

“Ciara, baby, look at me,” he says gently. “I’m here. I’m right here. What happened?”

There’s a knock on the door and a heavyset woman comes in.

“I’m Doctor Anwar,” she says introducing herself. “I didn’t realize I was going to have an audience,” she says looking at Clint, Steve, and Natasha. 

“We can leave,” Steve says motioning to the door.

“Do you need me to stay?” Clint asks Ciara. 

“No,” she mumbles. He pulls her head close and kisses her temple, gives Bucky a pained look, and then follows Steve and Natasha from the room. 

“Have a seat, Mr. Barnes,” Anwar says pointing to the chair Clint just vacated. Bucky looks at Ciara whose eyes are red and puffy from crying. He squeezes her hands and then takes the seat next to her. He puts his arm around her and pulls her as close as he can. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Bucky demands. Anwar puts her hand up, a sign for him to take it down a notch. 

“Do you want me to tell him?” Anwar asks Ciara. She shakes her head no. 

“Ciara, baby…” he says softly, “it’s okay.”

“No. It’s not. And you’re going to hate me--”

“He won’t hate you,” Anwar interjects. 

“Why the hell would I hate you, baby?” 

“Because...I can’t…” she breaks down again, an anguished cry fills the room as she covers her face with her hands. Bucky tries to cradle her as best he can and he looks at Anwar for answers. 

“She’s sterile, Mr. Barnes. She can’t conceive,” Anwar tells him. The woman sounds genuinely saddened by this. 

“What?” 

“She came down here looking to be put on birth control..." 

Ciara's sobs echo in the room, her pain reverberates off of everything.

"Ciara, I’m getting you a sedative. Mr. Barnes, once she’s calm I’ll explain what happened. Stay here with her, I’ll be right back,” Anwar says getting up and exiting the room. As soon as she does Clint comes back in. He looks at Bucky and Bucky knows that Clint is fully aware of the situation already. She had called him first. She called Clint before she had called him. He should be jealous, but Bucky can’t focus on anything but the heartwrenching sobs coming from Ciara. Clint looks like he’s lost his best friend -- one of them at least. 

A nurse comes in with a syringe and a vial of something. Bucky is still trying to process what the fuck is happening. Ciara is in hysterics and Anwar said she’s sterile. He can’t get his mind to wrap around this. 

“Help me get her up here on the table,” the nurse says to he and Clint. They help Ciara up and the nurse injects her with the sedative. She gets a pillow and they force Ciara to lay back on it. She curls up into the fetal position (oh how cruel that sounds now) and continues to cry. Bucky sits on the edge of the table with her and holds her hands while Clint strokes her brow and they both talk softly to her. 

Anwar comes in a few minutes later to check on Ciara. She’s still crying but her sobs have died down and she’s laying almost like she’s dazed. Bucky doesn’t know if this is better or worse. 

“Ciara,” Anwar says as she takes Ciara’s hand from Bucky and checks her pulse, “I’m going to take your Mr. Barnes for a few minutes.”

“Stay with her, Clint,” Bucky all but pleads. He never thought the day would come when he would ask that of Clint, but he’s never been happier to see the man. Ciara trusts him and Clint cares about her well being enough to sit through this with her. 

“I will.”

“I’ll be right back, ba-doll,” Bucky says catching himself before he can call her baby. He doesn’t want to use that term of endearment lest it sets her off again. She blinks slowly but that’s the only response he gets. Bucky kisses her tear stained cheek then follows Anwar out of the room. He passes Natasha and Steve who give him questioning looks. He shakes his head quickly hoping that they get the gist. 

“Have a seat, Mr. Barnes,” Anwar says as she opens a door to a small office. Bucky takes a seat and does his best to stop his heart from beating out of his chest. 

“What. Happened.”

His words are tense. He needs answers. 

“She gave me consent to tell you what happened which is why I’m able to do so. She came down here to see about birth control. Standard procedure is to do a urine pregnancy test. All three tests came back positive--”

“How the fuck is she sterile then?!” Bucky fumes. “She’s pregnant!” 

Ciara is pregnant. The tests confirm it. There’s been a mistake…

“Because of the super soldier serum and the trauma the initial batch caused her I did a blood test to be certain. The blood test came back that she was not. Further lab results revealed that she is in fact sterile. The false positive in her urine sample was caused by the serum or serums--”

“But the blood tests could be wrong,” Bucky says defiantly. “If the urine tests are wrong--”

“It’s not likely that the labs are wrong, Mr. Barnes. I am sorry. For her especially. She seems to think you’re going to leave her now.”

Bucky’s jaw comes unhinged at Anwar's words. 

“Wha...I would never...Ciara is my life. She is my soulmate. I would rather die than live without her, Doctor!” 

“Convince her, not me. She’s devastated and she’s going to need some time to deal with this. She’s going to need you and her friends. Don’t blame her for this, Mr. Barnes--”

“I don’t,” Bucky says wearily. “We had this discussion a little while ago. We both knew there was a possibility that one of us wouldn’t be able to...I just...I didn’t want to believe it.”

“There are other options. Adoption is one. Surrogates is another. But that’s for a later time. The sedative I gave her will keep her down for the rest of the night and maybe into tomorrow. I can send you home with a few Valium, but I would only use them if she gets like she was in the room. Get her outside. Focus her attention on other things. If you love her as you claim, make sure you tell her.”

“I will,” Bucky promises. 

“I’m sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news like this,” Anwar apologizes. “It’s one of the unfortunate sides of my job. Take care of her, Mr. Barnes,” she says opening the door to the office. He steps outside and walks back towards the room with Anwar. Steve and Natasha are still waiting. 

“Will you be bringing her home or do you want us to have her stay overnight?” Anwar asks. Steve’s eyes widen and Natasha touches his arm to keep him quiet. 

“I’m going to take her home,” he says, but he’s looking at Steve to make sure that’s okay. Steve nods his head, as does Natasha. 

“Let me get the Valium,” Anwar says and walks off. 

“Buck,” Steve begins but stops. 

“I’ll explain later. I just...let’s get her out of here,” Bucky tells him. He heads back towards the room Ciara is in. Clint is stroking her hair slowly. Ciara’s eyes are closed, but he can see stray tears still falling from them. 

“Hey, beautiful,” Bucky says caressing her cheek, “we’re going to go home. You can rest and do whatever you want, okay?”

Her eyes open slowly and Bucky sees a world of pain and loss. 

“I’ll get your clothes and bring them over, Princess. Buck’s going to spoil you I’m sure,” Clint says trying to make a joke. When she doesn’t smile Bucky can see it wounds Clint. 

“I just want to get out of here,” she says sluggishly. 

“We will. The doctor’s coming back in a minute. You want to sit up?” he asks as he brushes a lock of hair from her face. She pushes herself up slowly and teeters a bit. Clint and Bucky are on either side of her to keep her steady as she slides off the table. 

Anwar comes back a moment later and hands Bucky the bottle of pills along with instructions. 

“If you need anything else, please call and have them page me,” Anwar tells them. “Ciara, this isn’t the end. It’s just a detour. Remember that.”

Fresh tears fill Ciara’s eyes as Bucky and Clint lead her from the room. Once they’re out Bucky scoops her up and carries her to the elevator. 

“I’ll meet you over at the apartment with her stuff,” Clint says pressing the floor he needs to go to.

“I’ll go with him. Get her home,” Natasha says softly. She’s looking at Ciara and Bucky can see she’s concerned. He’s moved by this given Natasha’s own harsh background. 

Steve and Bucky get off at the lobby and head out to the SUV. Bucky puts Ciara down long enough for her to get into the back and then climbs in next to her. The ride home is silent, Ciara says nothing as tears continue to fall from her eyes. Bucky is trying to deal with this as best he can. His hopes of starting a family naturally have been shattered today. But they can still have a family. Like Anwar said, it’s not the end, just a detour.


End file.
